((kmay))

I want to echo BG - I think a LOT of us have been there and that there are lots of reasons sometimes people don't post but in no way does it mean a thread is not "good" I know we, as a community, have been suspect before of how the read counter actually counts (do people get counted more than once??) I don't think we ever figured it out.

I know I get super triggered by view to response ratios - and I feel the same about my thread isn't good, or doesn't make sense and that kind of stuff.

I'm sorry you are sad and drained right now and it sounds like you're just generally not feeling good I can relate too to your feeling of feeling 'different' from everyone else- what you described as what is all the struggle about, why do some people get to enjoy life, etc. So much of what you're saying I can relate to times in the past and now I've felt similar - I know you feel alone, and the feeling can shift, and will shift... but it often takes more time than ANYONE has patience for.

I've tried to be invisible before, or wished I was... because there was (and is often) so much shame inside me I thought that everyone could see the same things I see, and the same things I hate. It's not crazy - the feeling is very real. Sometimes I feel a disconnection from all of humanity, the whole world... my T has suggested getting outside and being near people and oddly it helped. I tend to isolate myself when I'm feeling really bad about what others might feel about me.

Thank you for posting this - it's wonderful how you could express your feelings of vulnerability, and aloneness and still reach out.. that is building a connection. Even reading (not posting), when I first started here I know I built a connection to users just knowing their story - sometimes it takes time and I really hope you feel welcome.

kmay,
I get it...views vs. the amount of responses. I believe non-members view all the time...most of us do it and sometimes "I" view again after one or more forum members have responded because someone has probably provided a good answer and I wouldn't know where to start sometimes to know how to help but I want to see that someone has so the views keep adding up. Definitely have/do feel lonely...I believe we all feel that...but keep coming and people will definitely support.

I have felt all the stuff you have talked about...I assume you're in therapy so keep listening and working at it.

's
Hopeful

(((Kmay)))

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings and shouldn't feel alone on the forum either. There are many times that I read peoples threads, but because I am not feeling well myself I choose not to respond, or perhaps I feel that my response would be inadequate compared to what has already been written. There are also other times where I can't relate, for example ED's, so it would be wrong of me to make comments related to those problems. Instead I choose to read in order to try and understand what it must be like. As far as the "views" go, I am not sure how it works exactly but I was wondering if the views also include non-members, or possibly even psychology students who may use the forum more as a form of observation and analysis? Idk.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone.



B2W

((((KMAY)))))

quote:

What I mean though is that when I am reading through other threads, I can see where strong connections have been made with other members and it makes me feel even more loney.

I used to feel like this a lot. It does get better. And FWIW, someone told me (and I don't know if it's true) that every time someone views a thread, it shows that 7 or 9 people read it. So, that counter is showing a lot more views than what is happening.

kmay, i'm glad you're here and are open and honest. i do think most people here have or do feel the same way you do about being an outsider and the thread count dealy can be intimidating and even isolating. i think the good stuff i get from this forum outweighs the bad, so i try (sometimes not so successfully) to not let that kind of thing bother me.
alot of the questions you ask i have asked and still do ask quite frequently. sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse. and it does suck and it does seem so unfair that some people seem to just skate in life while it seems others are up to their necks in mucky mire and struggle just to keep going.
i don't think you're totally losing it. i think you're working on it and from the few blatantly honest posts i've seen coming from you, you're on a good path. i'm glad you're here. you're in a good spot for both you and your fellow travellers. welcome aboard!

(((kmay))) I'm not in a good place to write much of anything right now, but I wanted to validate that I have felt and still feel the stuff you are describing, from feeling like an outsider here, to not belonging inside myself and wondering why, at times, I even exist. I wish I knew a shortcut through those feelings, but I usually just have to ride them out until I have a bit of rest from them. Lots of to you.

Wow...I am so glad I posted what I did. And that I joined this forum. Thank you so much for all of your warm and welcoming responses. I already feel less alone and like some of the weight is lifted in just knowing people understand.

(((Blanket Girl))) - Thank you for your support. I will keep reaching out and posting. And thank you for making me feel not so alone

(((Catalyst))) - Thank you so much for sharing about having similar feelings. It makes me feel less like the freak I have convinced myself that I am and I appreciate that.

quote:

Thank you for posting this - it's wonderful how you could express your feelings of vulnerability, and aloneness and still reach out..

Thank you for that comment. That means so much b/c I kept thinking I should delte the post. But now you have made me feel better for it and given me courage to keep sharing. So thank you

(((Hopeful))) - Thank you for your support. Yes I am in therapy....and I'm trying so hard to work through this tough time. Sometimes I can't even speak when I go see T...but I'm working on it.

(((B2W))) - Thank you. Especially for making me feel connected.


(((Liese))) - Thank you. Gives me hope to build some strong connections as I can see that you have as well.

(((closed doors))) - Aaahh thank you so much! I really appreciate what you said about my posts. It gives me courage and motivation that you think Im on a good path. Just saying that you are glad I am here means so much.

(((Anonymously))) - I am sorry you are struggling. I really appreciate your response b/c I know how hard it is to give support when you are in a tough place yourself. So thank you. And hang in there...I know the pain you are in from some of your threads I have read. Big hugs to you too

I'm glad I and we could help you Thanks for not deleting! It is really hard to keep stuff out there especially when you're exposing yourself and weary about the responses and/or lack of and post views, etc, etc. I'm glad you feel less alone

Dear kmay,

I can't believe it, how brave you are, that you posted this thread. And thank you for doing it. I am feeling the same.

I do know, that some of the users that are here for longer time, will rather respond to someone they know also longer time, than to a newbie, I guess it is just life.

I like reading you, and everybody else.But i really do prefer to read than to write. But not for not wishing it, but because I have a huge struggle with words.

Glad you are here!

And glad everybody is here.

Kmay, I can relate to that feeling, I also feel very insecure about posting and not receiving responses and thinking it has something to do with me.

I think you are very brave for putting this out there.

I am sorry you are in such a tough place at the moment and I hope things get better.

Butterfly

Ninna & Butterfly - thank you
I just saw your responses. It makes me feel so good that you both think I am brave. I appreciate that (although I don't know if its really true lol) but thank you!

Kmay I missed this thread when I first came back last week (proof positive that people aren't always choosing to not reply!)

I'm glad you posted what you did though and people were able to reassure you that actually, probably ALL of us feel the same way, at least from time to time. As for the paranoid feelings, snap - though I tend to deliberately bait them as a kind of exposure therapy - knowing I feel paranoid but making myself do the opposite of what the paranoid thinking wants me to do...

Final comment on post views count - being the sort of person who likes to tot up such things as numbers of views and numbers of replies I was amazed at how quickly the view count seemed to go up, considering this forum doesn't attract zillions of posters (compared to say, PsychCentral) so I experimented. And I discovered that the view count goes something like, SEVEN for each single viewing of a thread, THREE for the original poster's viewings, and if I remember rightly, it's something enormous like ELEVEN for every reply. The only viewing that doesn't contribute to the view count is when the OP first posts. Every viewing after that goes up by three, seven or eleven. Go figure!

Now when you consider that the original poster is going to be looking at their own thread several times, that people who do post probably go in and out of it several times before posting, and then view it again to read any replies, and so on and so forth, it doesn't take long for the view count to go up dramatically, even though there might only be a couple of replies on the thread.

I think I explained this in an old thread of a couple of years ago, but I couldn't find it and so am not absolutely sure about the numbers I'm using here, but rest assured, the view count DOES NOT ACCURATELY REFLECT THE NUMBERS OF ACTUAL PEOPLE VIEWING. More's the pity, it would be nice to think that one's thread attracted hundreds of viewings

Not sure if that helps any, last time I wrote this stuff out, people seemed to dismiss it and continued being worried about the apparent discrepancy between view count and numbers of replies. Hopefully it does help though. As an aside, I have no idea why the view count is so weird, perhaps someone else with forum expertise could explain that one?

LL

Lamplighter - Thank you so much! I appreciate the info and your post...it made me giggle
And I feel better...I will not dismiss...worry no more!!!! lol