I am feeling really conflicted here....since you requested that I not email/address you.....but I am wondering if this is a response to my apology....that you are unable at this time to accept my apology?

I am just trying to be as respectful as I can possibly be....

I asked you not to send us private messages...

Scott

Oh....still wondering if this was a response to my apology?

It felt like it, but wasnt sure.

You know, it is not so great to be in my world either...

i'm sure that a lot of 'our worlds' aren't so great. i wasn't saying mine is any worse than others... just saying how it is for me.

scott

Well, when it comes to trust....I don't trust a living soul.....not even my therapist.....(especially after what has happened recently between us) so I can realy relate to you on the issue of trust.....My sarcastic nature really keeps people at a distance....which is where I really like people to be....far away.....yet at the same time, we are relational beings....so therein lies the paradox.......

The issue of trust is such a tricky thing in this world, isn't it.... once traumatized, it becomes a core issue of interacting and living... being....

I completely understand Dude... you were very hurt/insulted and even with displaced anger, the words still hurt and it makes you suspicious of the intention.... is the apology sincere.. do i risk hurt again? whats up.... do I give a care??

Sarah, I understand you too I think and I do feel your appology was done with humility and respect. It doesnt take away the pain or words but it's like wow, thats great you tried to make things better...

things take time. .. I trust no one.... forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance either... it doesnt mean trust.... i dont really know what it means besides letting go of a personal offense or hang up but it doesnt mean comletely forgotten but maybe gives a chance to open the lines of probable or possibe communication...

I dont know what im talking about anylonger

but yeh.... i can see it's all hard and I know esp for DID'ers, with so many insiders to make decisions nad feelings, it does complicate matters.... one muight feel okay.. another not so much....

Safe hugs for everyone and yes that includes you too Sarah

Dude,
If there's one thing I understand its having a difficult time trusting. Years (!) of therapy have occupied that issue. When you've been betrayed on a really deep level, its only rational to be careful about doing so again and to be worried about further betrayals. I know for me that I promised myself a long time ago that it was never going to happen to me again. So its really understandable that you want to take your time. Forgiveness, to me, is the putting aside of your right to take revenge for a wrong done to you. You choose not to retaliate. The second part is restoration of the relationship and that part often takes time if it happens at all. Its good that you're taking care of yourself. The hard part now is trying to stay open enough to behavior so that the relationship can be repaired. I know that's not always possible but often our fears are about what happened rather than what is happening now. All that said, its absolutely your right to trust whom you want to and decide when that is going to happen. And like BW, I'm aware that having DID probably complicates what is already a difficult issue in ways I don't understand, so forgive me if any of this seems way off the mark. Good to hear from you though, I was getting a little worried about your absence.

Sarah,
This is the other really difficult part about asking for forgiveness, I agree with BW, I believe your apology was a sincere one, given in humility and with a true desire to make reparation for what you feel like you did wrong. Part of doing that is being patient about the person you hurt being willing to trust you again and repair the relationship. This isn't so much a reflection of who you are, then the other person's history. Respecting their need for space and time is the sincerest form of apology. And I'm still glad you're back.

And may I second the safe hugs for everyone.

Attachment Girl

BW and AG:

Patience is one of my strong points.....I am not going anywhere.....

I had my meeting with my therapist yesterday....not so sure how to describe it.....she wasn't able to explain why she did what she did but assured me if she could turn the clocks back she would have done things so differently.....we are meeting again today.....rain or shine we are going for a nice long walk!! Like Dude, I take a long time to heal from hurts....so I completely understand...and I think my therapist does too....So her and I will plug away at things.....unlike my two failed marriages, my bond/connection with her appears to be unbreakable.....

I send healing thoughts to all....

Sarah,
SO glad to hear that you're working things through with your therapist, and even happier to hear that if she could go back she would handle differently.

AG

Things are very crazy here... and now my computer died! So I"m typing on the hubbies... only I couldn't remember my password for this site so I had to get it resent, and then hubbie had to figure how to get all my emails sent to his computer.... and I forgot to renew our meds. so we went through withdrawal for 3 days!! I'm struggling with nightmares.... and blech...
Scott

Scott,
That does not sound like fun! I really hate when I'm having nightmares. That combined with withdrawal must be really taxing. Hang in there. I hope you and your computer feel better soon!

AG

Scott:

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing nightmares along with the withdrawl....May I ask if you are experiencing withdrawl from a benzodiazepine? Or is it some other medication?

Take care

I'm not sure what that med. is you were asking about, but it was Paxil (anti-depressant)
Scott

A benzodiazepine is a medication for anxiety for example ativan/lorazepam, diazepam/valium and zanax.....and one can experience serious withdrawl symptoms if it is not weaned properly...