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((((RT)))))
you're in the midwest, right? i am, too! i'd LOVE to have coffee with you and shmoooze about life!!! life is a tough bean, and it's hard to find folks that you can be totally real with and talk to and BE HEARD!!!!! and in return, hear the other person. i hear all your concerns. life would be grand if we all had a "somebody" that was available 100% of the time to talk about whatever we wanted to talk about. but we also know there's room to talk about whatever the other person wants to talk about..just not on our time. there's a medium somewhere, right?
i don't hear you as whining, RT. i hear you and i feel for you. you're missing some deeper-connection with somebody. maybe it has to do with unfulfilled childhood needs? i don't know and i don't want to get all philosophical with you, but i'm feeling alot of the same stuff.
sucky, sucky situation.
i'm sorry for your situation, but thanks for sharing as i feel less alone in this.
you're in the midwest, right? i am, too! i'd LOVE to have coffee with you and shmoooze about life!!! life is a tough bean, and it's hard to find folks that you can be totally real with and talk to and BE HEARD!!!!! and in return, hear the other person. i hear all your concerns. life would be grand if we all had a "somebody" that was available 100% of the time to talk about whatever we wanted to talk about. but we also know there's room to talk about whatever the other person wants to talk about..just not on our time. there's a medium somewhere, right?
i don't hear you as whining, RT. i hear you and i feel for you. you're missing some deeper-connection with somebody. maybe it has to do with unfulfilled childhood needs? i don't know and i don't want to get all philosophical with you, but i'm feeling alot of the same stuff.
quote:I do better alone - less anxiety but more loneliness.
sucky, sucky situation.
i'm sorry for your situation, but thanks for sharing as i feel less alone in this.
I hear you RT. I am in sort of that existential angst right now after losing another person who was so important to me. I asked my T last time...why bother? What is the point?
I have a young son and he is about the only thing that keeps me going. I don't have pets. I do have a dh, a job and a sister I'm somewhat close to although she lives about an hour away from me.
As for the friends... I have distant friends. When I moved here as an adult I had a lot of old friends in my other State. They were long time friends and knew me well and we could talk about all sorts of things. I miss them. I don't see them as often and it's not like we can drop in for coffee with each other. Or spend a day at the mall like we used to. I think as you get older it's harder to make new, real, deep friendships. People are always so busy with family responsibilities and cannot spend time with you to develop that kind of intimacy. So like you, I talk on here to strangers ... some who have become dear friends. But it does not really replace that face to face contact and connection of a real life friend.
I know you don't want advice. Maybe you just want someone to listen and understand. It was probably good for you to write all of that out. I hope you find some peace. FWIW... if we were neighbors we would probably be coffee klatch friends who could chat about anything.
Take care,
TN
I have a young son and he is about the only thing that keeps me going. I don't have pets. I do have a dh, a job and a sister I'm somewhat close to although she lives about an hour away from me.
As for the friends... I have distant friends. When I moved here as an adult I had a lot of old friends in my other State. They were long time friends and knew me well and we could talk about all sorts of things. I miss them. I don't see them as often and it's not like we can drop in for coffee with each other. Or spend a day at the mall like we used to. I think as you get older it's harder to make new, real, deep friendships. People are always so busy with family responsibilities and cannot spend time with you to develop that kind of intimacy. So like you, I talk on here to strangers ... some who have become dear friends. But it does not really replace that face to face contact and connection of a real life friend.
I know you don't want advice. Maybe you just want someone to listen and understand. It was probably good for you to write all of that out. I hope you find some peace. FWIW... if we were neighbors we would probably be coffee klatch friends who could chat about anything.
Take care,
TN
yeah ... 10% would be all right ...
Hi RT 
I go in and out of phases like this... strangers feel much more comfy to me, too. I like building relationships at a distance at first. I can imagine it is just horrible to feel in such a bind where your anxiety is up or down as with your loneliness... it's hard to "win" and get needs met. I understand about being able to engage people but not have a close relationship. I do the same thing at the grocery store - even people I love dearly, it's just I'm not "prepared" or something to see them.
I've decided I'm just difficult to be friends with, and all my friends agree but really like me. There are people who get drawn to me very fast (for whatever reason, people REALLY FEEL the need to tell me their life stories and intimate information immediately) and want to hang out and act like they've known me since birth or something but, I can only tolerate having 1-3 close friends at a time. I've had the same best friend since I was 5, she doesn't live near my city though but we talk. There are some people here I get very close to, I have a good friend right now who "gets it" - she's had a childhood like mine, same type of therapy I've been in. We have no shame in saying "whatever", I'd say people who have done their work/time in therapy are usually really neat and self-aware.
I wish I had suggestions or something, it doesn't sound like you are whining at all... and I wish you had someone in your life that you could just chat with and have them listen. One thing I've learned through therapy is to widen my friend network so I do have my close can spend all day long with and not be tired friends, and I have my periphery friends. Friends for certain things... a friend who is fun to see a movie with, a friend who I talk about nothing important with... that sort of thing (different give/take relationships) because no one person will be "the package". Even my best friend is not suited for some things I like or want or can and want to give. That sort of opened up things for me... so instead of one unicorn friend who could do everything I need, I got a herd of wild horses. So I learn to find the intimacy in one thing with one person, and I've found some people with good ears at times.
I don't think you're lonely because of your own making... it's just damn hard to relate to people. It really is hard to find people to resonate with, especially when you're protecting yourself and they are too. I think "virtual" people are still people, I consider some of the relationships I have forged online and I can't meet them in person to be equally intimate to the friends I have in the flesh. I know this because I've met a handful of 'strangers' and clicked with them immediately. The last person I met in the flesh I saw them and it was like... not weird at all (which was weird.... I guess). It instantly felt like I hung around them in person all the time. I've felt that too with someone I met from an ED support group, who actually moved in right near me where we just met and it was natural. I'm not saying it's super SAFE but sometimes stuff you make in the virtual space is just as real and deep. Maybe you can find some solace there? I don't know.
I go in and out of phases like this... strangers feel much more comfy to me, too. I like building relationships at a distance at first. I can imagine it is just horrible to feel in such a bind where your anxiety is up or down as with your loneliness... it's hard to "win" and get needs met. I understand about being able to engage people but not have a close relationship. I do the same thing at the grocery store - even people I love dearly, it's just I'm not "prepared" or something to see them.
I've decided I'm just difficult to be friends with, and all my friends agree but really like me. There are people who get drawn to me very fast (for whatever reason, people REALLY FEEL the need to tell me their life stories and intimate information immediately) and want to hang out and act like they've known me since birth or something but, I can only tolerate having 1-3 close friends at a time. I've had the same best friend since I was 5, she doesn't live near my city though but we talk. There are some people here I get very close to, I have a good friend right now who "gets it" - she's had a childhood like mine, same type of therapy I've been in. We have no shame in saying "whatever", I'd say people who have done their work/time in therapy are usually really neat and self-aware.
I wish I had suggestions or something, it doesn't sound like you are whining at all... and I wish you had someone in your life that you could just chat with and have them listen. One thing I've learned through therapy is to widen my friend network so I do have my close can spend all day long with and not be tired friends, and I have my periphery friends. Friends for certain things... a friend who is fun to see a movie with, a friend who I talk about nothing important with... that sort of thing (different give/take relationships) because no one person will be "the package". Even my best friend is not suited for some things I like or want or can and want to give. That sort of opened up things for me... so instead of one unicorn friend who could do everything I need, I got a herd of wild horses. So I learn to find the intimacy in one thing with one person, and I've found some people with good ears at times.
I don't think you're lonely because of your own making... it's just damn hard to relate to people. It really is hard to find people to resonate with, especially when you're protecting yourself and they are too. I think "virtual" people are still people, I consider some of the relationships I have forged online and I can't meet them in person to be equally intimate to the friends I have in the flesh. I know this because I've met a handful of 'strangers' and clicked with them immediately. The last person I met in the flesh I saw them and it was like... not weird at all (which was weird.... I guess). It instantly felt like I hung around them in person all the time. I've felt that too with someone I met from an ED support group, who actually moved in right near me where we just met and it was natural. I'm not saying it's super SAFE but sometimes stuff you make in the virtual space is just as real and deep. Maybe you can find some solace there? I don't know.
RT
Are you sure I didn't write this & you posted it. Eerily alike.
(((Hugs)))
Are you sure I didn't write this & you posted it. Eerily alike.
(((Hugs)))
Really some stuff is word for word. Freaky 
I wonder if we would somehow meet & not know anything here if we'd be friends??
What do u think RT & monte?
I wonder if we would somehow meet & not know anything here if we'd be friends??
What do u think RT & monte?
I can relate. My MIL relieved me of a few hours of single mommyhood with H out of town and commented I could go hang out with friends, and I kind of laughed, because I really don't have any, not in that way, not that (can) reciprocate. I often feel unconnectable lately. I give up trying easily too. T reassures me I'm not unrelateable or unconnectable. I may just be unconnectable because I'm so triggered by closeness that I run, or that I just can't feel it when others are connecting with me, because I dissociate (another form of running). Or maybe there is just a huge part of myself that I don't believe will make any sense to most of the people I meet in my everyday life. I can never tell if it's the reality of things, a self-fulfilling belief, or a combination of both.