NavyMe,
I think this the most important stuff to talk about. you don't have to attack her or accuse her of anything, but it's legitimate, and actually important I think, that you bring up how this is making you feel and that you'd like to understand what you can expect in terms of response.

My T and I had a lot of ruptures over email (he can be hit and miss about answering) and the final outcome was that I had to realize if I absolutely needed to hear back, I had to call. (He's got a very robust phone setup so he's sure to return the call usually within an hour). But if I email and want a response, I need to explicitly request one.

Both of these things were very difficult for me to learn to do, because it was SO scary to actually ask for what I needed and chance rejection (which really didn't happen). It was easier to email him and then if I didn't hear back, it was "ok" because I hadn't actually asked. I learned a whole lot about myself and how I felt about expressing needs through discussing email and phone contact outside of sessions.

It's really good to discuss our feelings around the boundaries, that's usually where a lot of our unconscious relating patterns come to life. It tends to feel scary because we feel like we have to "behave" to keep the relationship intact. One of the important things we need to learn in therapy is that a strong, committed relationship has room for all our feelings, even annoyance and anger.

So you're not causing a rupture, you're recognizing it's occurred and are bringing it up to repair it.

AG

Hi NavyMe,

It's great to see you posting. I don't have anything to add to what AG already said but just wanted to say I'm sorry you've hit a bump in the road with your therapist. She has sounded pretty terrific till now so I hope that the two of you can clear up any misunderstandings.

Liese

Thanks to you both. I'm sorry I haven't been contributing more - I'm doing 4 people's jobs at work right now... and it's starting to wear thin.

My T continues to be awesome...It just takes a lot out of me to be able to email her...and sometimes I worry that she thinks I'm stronger and more capable than I feel like I can be right now...which is a recipe for disaster. I am a huge fan of hers, and what we've accomplished together...and I'm concerned that if I bring up anything negative about the process, things won't go so well..

So, I sent an email.... It was more full of apologies than it was full of accusations, and I'm not convinced it made any sense at all... But I sent it...

Ugh.

(((NAVYME)))

Have you had any ruptures with your T or is this your first one? I had a hard time being angry with my T. In fact, there was a part of me that really fought hard to suppress any angry feelings towards T. But he's been consistently accepting of my feelings and the ruptures get easier to repair.

Sorry work is difficult right now. If you get a chance, come back and tell us how everything turned out.

Liese

Work is just complicated right now - I'm working toward a promotion that is supposed to be happening by the end of July - And it's creating a busy and exhausting time in my world.

Probably not the best time for some hardcore processing fun...

I've been seeing my T for nearly 11 months now... and I don't think we've ever had a rupture before. I don't really know what a 'rupture' looks like...But I know it scares the crap out of me. She's a reasonable and fairly awesome T in general...and I used this line in the email I just sent..

"I know I sent you an email once already this week, and I guess – It was a bigger deal for me than perhaps it seemed – because I haven’t been able to be okay with it since sending it. Like many things, they are things that seem insurmountable to sit with after the fact... I can’t expect that to come through in a ‘read between the lines- this sucks and I could use some help with it’ context... Normally I just expect that I can get past it on my own...But I’m having a hard time with that this week."

I'm really hoping for the best... Needing people sucks.

((((NAVYME))))

What a great email! And yeah, I agree, about needing people. I think it's great that you recognize how vulnerable it feels to put something out there and not get a response. I do that and then realize after the fact that maybe I shouldn't have done that. It's taken me a long time to get a handle on it.

The email thing is hard because I think I'd be tempted to say things in email that are harder to say in person.

Good luck with the promotion. I hope it comes through. And good luck with T. Let us know if she responds.

Liese