(((((TAS)))))

Trust is a hard thing to come by, especially when you've been hurt a lot. It may take a lot longer to trust your T or it might not.


I don't think he's getting tired of you. It sounds like he's trying to help you manage your feelings and your thoughts although maybe he doesn't know how to do it. If anyone told me not to think about therapy until I got there for my appointment, that's exactly what I would do: think about therapy. And then think about therapy some more.

I thought it was very considerate of you to offer to send him a check for his time. I wonder if it would be helpful for you if you had a therapist who was more open to out of session contact?

Liese

Liese,

He has been very patient and so understanding, but I think he knows that I am struggling so much. Maybe he thinks if I think less about therapy and have less contact with him during the week, it will help me in not getting so worked up over therapy.

I tell him every week that I am quitting and today I thought that we were done. Seriously.

I don't want to change therapists because it has taken me forever to get where I am and as I am sure you know, it has not been easy. I do not want to lose any ground by starting over with someone else.

I did call him and leave a message, apologizing if I had been texting him too much. These past few weeks have been horrible.

Thank you for your reply. I really value your thoughts. T.

Hopefully you can do what feels right to you. I wouldnt send the check, id talk about it with him. You might want to do that out of guilt or low self worth, but paying for the time doesnt change feelings and enables you to lock them inside. and they might knaw at you. they probably need discharged.

He might feel pushed away, or it could be related to how you feel. my therapist onve told me how i was pushing him away with excessive neediness. he didnt say it in those words, but now that i am more in tune with myself, i know what this feels like, to feel like im being pushed away. therapists feel the same feelings as the rest of us, no matter how tactfully presented.

telling you not to text him sounds rejecting and can feel rejecting, even if in your best interest. not sure if youve been having those types of feelings, but focusing on paying him might be blocking feelings of rejection ?

Moments like these often lead to relational growth and insight-if you talk to him about everything you said here. one, it can relieve relarltional tension between the 2 of you. two. it can reveal a pattern you might have with others. Three, you might feel relief that despite the ups and downs of the relationship, you will find that he is still there for you, though in a limited, boundaried way, and still committed to you. actually, that might fit what he said about testing him.

Trying not to think about therapy during the week sounds like it might set you up for failure, he might have erred in telling you that. i know there were times when thoughts and feelings about my therapist dominated my life. for people with tendencies like that, the distance can be helpful. now that i see him every other week instead of weekly, i feel like my relationships and life in general outside of the therapy room is starting to harvest the fruits of our therapy work. ok, i couldnt think of a better way to say that. : P

but therapy is not as all consuming anymore. theres healthy balance.

sorry its been so hard for you. i hope you can talk to him about this more in depth. i think this can really go somewhere for you.

Thank xoxo I appreciate your words...I hope to get to that healthy balance...

T.

(((TAS))))

Sorry things are so hard for you right now. Xoxo had some great advice re: talking to your T about your feelings. I've had ruptures before with my T and have felt terribly disconnected from him. But we've worked it out and we work on maintaining that connection because I tend to disconnect from him. It's taken a long time to recognize the very many different and creative ways I manage to disconnect from him. Eventually, though, I think I'm almost there and it's a good place to be in. Hopefully, you will keep working at it and keep talking to your T and you'll get there too.

Not to highjack, but xoxo, just wanted to say that I am so happy you are experiencing the fruit of all your hard work.

Hi TAS,

Just really liked what xoxo said here:

quote:

telling you not to text him sounds rejecting and can feel rejecting, even if in your best interest. not sure if youve been having those types of feelings, but focusing on paying him might be blocking feelings of rejection ?

I am still working through those feelings of rejection with my T but it is getting better. It has been hard for me to figure out when I'm actually being rejected vs. when I am taking something personally that I shouldn't take personally. It's tough work but going through the process really is helping me figure out where I end and others begin as I have been a bit porous. It's also helping me develop a healthy and more positive sense of self.

I know it seems scary to expose your hurts but I don't think your T would deliberately intend to humiliate you - although it might feel that way sometimes. I know it felt that way to me often. It felt like my T was exposing these raw feelings with the intention of making fun of them. But that was never the case. Learning bit by bit that he was going to be gentle with those feelings has been incredibly healing.

Hope things get better soon for you.