She might be willing to do it. If not, could you just ask her to please not say anything at all until give her some sort of signal and then she can have her turn? Not sure if that would help or not.

I totally relate to what you are saying. It was the not talking and shutting down in T yesterday that ruined our session.

Gosh, Forlorn, I am in awe that you can ask her to do that...awesome, you! I hope she says yes. My T interupts me alot...he wnet through a non-interupting phase for a few blissful sessions, though, and it was really heavenly, to feel like he actually wanted to hear me finish what I was saying...gosh, why does something so simple feel so good? eek, one day I'll get brave and say "please don't say anything until I'm done." I like that idea. eep. I know about the shutdown, had that myself this week. first session in a couple of months, and I felt totally disconnected from everything almost the whole time. I hope it gets better..

hugs,

BB

well, that failed

she was so NOT willing to do it, and I immediately felt like an idiot for suggesting it.

and then I shut down

and then she said she didn't know what good it would do but we could try it

by then it was too late, I was already gone inside

another session gone to crap

I feel like I need to make a hard decision and I don't want to as I want to keep rolling along pretending it's all ok.

she couldn't even understand that I needed to feel heard.

and I can't keep going to and paying for therapy where I sit there in silence crying and hurting

but my attempt to try something to help me open up and be expressive failed.

I am trying, but she wants this cookie-cutter way that is the norm, talk talk talk

well I can't can't can't

((((Forlorn))))

I'm sorry that it went so poorly. I hope that you are able to find a way through this impasse.

I'm sorry I don't have anything great to offer, but I'm thinking of you.

((((((((((Forlorn))))))))))

That was a GREAT idea you had, Forlorn. Very creative. You are obviously motivated to do what you need to do in the therapy. I'm sorry your T isn't flexible enough to allow you to open up and express yourself the way YOU need to. Her response to you sounded really negative to me...what's up with that? That is SO frustrating and disappointing for her not to even pick up on the fact that you are trying.

From what you said, I get the sense that you are having to fight for your space in the therapy, having to fight to be heard. Why is she telling you about her frustrations? She should be discussing that with her supervisor, not you. That time should be focused solely on you and your needs. It sounds like she is focusing WAY too much on hers.

I know it doesn't help much but I just wanted to tell you, I think you are doing everything right. I'm sorry that you might have to look at making a hard decision. We're here to support you no matter what.

Big hugs,
SG

((((forlorn))))
I thought that was such a great idea, that i might use it someday myself!

I'm so sorry your t wasn't up for it until you had shut down. I'm so sorry you are hurting... you have right to be heard...

it sounds like she is missing what you need - but maybe she is begining to see it. I dunno. I totally agree with SG though, she shouldn't be sharing her frustrations with you so much. Does she know you are afraid to talk because of her doing that?

hang in there...

Forlorn,

I am sorry your T discouraged your creative idea of trying using a technique in individual therapy that is normally used with couples. I think it was courageous of you to ask to try something different than the status quo which, by your own admission, is not working for you. Maybe your T needs a written reminder of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Your idea might move you out of feeling stuck and I applaud your effort! You've heard the motto "if at first you don't succeed, try and try again." If you really want to try the idea then I hope you can muster the courage to tell her that at your next session. Forlorn, you can feel good about yourself for stepping up to the plate and throwing the ball. Just because she missed it doesn't mean the game is over.
I think it is because of the place I am in with my T but I am sure that if this happened to me I would need to write about how it made me feel when my idea was dismissed. I would then ask myself when did I feel those feelings as a child so that I could get to the truth of why they exist.

This reminds me that I brought up an idea during my last session with my T of something I am planning to try at home and she suggested that I bring the idea with me when I come to see her next week. It will be interesting to see if she brings it up or if she will wait for me to do it. It seems she is stretching me lately as it is hard for me to sometimes stand up for or assert myself. I am guessing she will wait for me to bring it up.

deeplyrooted

I'm so sorry about that not turning out the way you needed it to. Is there any chance she is trying to get you to stand up to her and insist, that no, you *really* would like to try it? That is just a thought, but I wonder what would happen if you insisted? *I realize that probably isn't possible to do for you right now in the place you are in- yeah, I'm the same, so I get it- butI'm just throwing that out there as something to think about....for the distant future, perhaps.

Gosh I am so sorry that you don't feel heard. I have so many of the same feelings, and it's so hard to figure out, what is true and what isn't...I think we have to learn, to quietly ask for clarification when we are confused. But it is just simply, so hard to do...and that is why it takes soooooo long. We keep trying, and trying and trying...eventually it will happen. give yourself time...it will get better.

(((((Forlorn))))))


BB

Hi Forlorn - I’m sorry your T wasn’t willing to even consider your great idea, and sorrier still that she then seemed to change her mind and asked you to go ahead (if I were you in that position I would REALLY feel pushed into a corner, it’s almost as if she were ‘giving in’ sulkily, guaranteed to make me not want to try it after all.)

I think it is great that you came to session with that suggestion, after all how often haven’t we heard that we are the ones in charge of our therapy, we are the ones who are expected to direct it all - and then when you do come up with an idea it’s rebuffed.

Reminds me so much of a session I had with a (very bad) T - where the therapy was going nowhere and I thought oh I’ll suggest to her that she ask me to tell stories about my past I think that might just get me in touch with some feelings - I did suggest it to her in all good faith only to be met with a really sharp and angry ‘don’t you tell me how to do my job!’ Wow was I floored (and felt thoroughly ‘told off’) and the worst thing was that the moment just passed - she made no explanation or apology and I didn’t dare pursue it - thinking that I’d done something really wrong anyway. Ever since then (this was over 20 years ago) I’ve been paranoid about Ts accusing me of telling them how to do their job.

Now I’m not suggesting your T was responding from such a place at all, but it’s worth bearing in mind that some of them may well have an instinctive resistance to trying out methods that aren’t part of their normal therapeutic approach.

It does sound as if you’ve got quite a disconnect happening with your T - and I certainly get the feeling of not being heard - you’re caught in a bit of a circle there because the more you are trying to be heard and the less she seems to get it, the more you’re both going to feel frustrated and so it all escalates. You know what my reaction would be - and I say this only because I’m stuck in my way of relating in therapy - I’d show how angry and frustrated I was feeling at T’s not hearing what I’m trying to say. Showing or telling a bit of anger can really get the message across where trying to be reasonable and rational about it fails. It can also open up lots of other feelings and thoughts that stay hidden away when I’m in ‘rational’ mode. Just a thought - as it sound like you’re really having a hard time being understood by your T. If she wants talk, you can talk your anger!

I hope you are able to resolve some of this with her next session.

(((( Forlorn ))))

LL

quote:

If she wants talk, you can talk your anger!

I like that quote, LL. If only we can stay rational and composed at the same time.

deeplyrooted