Hi,
I think at the end you should listen to yourself and to yourself only.
You know, my grandmother moved in with my parents when I was very small. I don't remember exactly when and she spent twenty something years living with us. I believe that was not a good decision she made. I remember that my parents kept blaming her for wanting to live with them, and she kept blaming my parents for taking her with them. At the end I don't know who's decision and whose idea it was, but it didn't make anybody happy. I belive my grandmother would be much happier in her own house, having us to come over for every holidays, then living in a small flat with her alcoholic son in low.
I really loved my grandma, but she wasn't happy with us.
Your children are grown up, they can't expect to take advantage of you forever. You have right to your own life. They are not babies, your life doesn't belong to them, they are adult and I belive you are free to do whatever you want, same as they are.
Maybe you could seek out counselling to try to understand what will be the right thing to do for yourself?
It does help when you are stuck and don't know what to do to move on. Take care...

Thanks all for your advise and for the welcome.

I already feel resentment which have resulted in ongoing stomach problems and stress-related headaches. Sometimes the thought of making big life changes which potentially affects others makes me feel like a monster so I become paralized from taking action. Everything feels like a mountain to climb and have to unlearn behaviour that has held me back. I've probably been a people pleaser too often so being assertive towards someone who thinks they mean well is very difficult. I just feel for them instead and then resort to anxiety.

As for the 'control' comments, it was my daughter accusing me of using the term when all I said was that I wanted to make my own plans. I choose my words carefully because she seems to enjoy
pushing my buttons by putting words in my mouth. But, to no avail, she insists I say them. What irks me is she claims this arrangement of buying in with them is for my benefit and that I'm the most ungrateful person she's ever met. "Don't worry," she says, "dont think it's because I need you here with me; we're doing this so you don't have to rent the rest of your life because you know you never can again," she says with a satisfied look on her face. What a great offer, huh?Her husband at least suggests it would be mutually beneficial for everyone but that I should not feel pressured. I would also like to say that we do not spend any time or share any activities together so what's the big deal.

I would like to say that they offered help once such as keeping my cats while I take a vacation and survey the new city but it happened only after I became emotional once imploring that I wanted my independence. Now If I continue keeping to myself and not engage with them at all, they'll hopefully think I'm not worth the effort. And so it goes that I only feel love with conditions attached.

Thanks for reading and now I feel a little more motivated to book that flight pronto.