Would love to hear how you and your T approached it.
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T deals with it by continually bringing it up.
I deal with it by continually ignoring it.
I deal with it by continually ignoring it.
haha CTL. Sounds like something I'd do. You must have a good relationship with her though.
we use current events to relate back to stuff. t will gently bring things up, even when helping me relate to the past, but she's mindful that i trigger so she will usually wait for me to bring up things first.
i do trauma work with T2 by somatic experiencing (body work).
the relationship itself with both of them has been trauma work, too.
emdr also, which im doing some of tomorrow to resolve something.
i do trauma work with T2 by somatic experiencing (body work).
the relationship itself with both of them has been trauma work, too.
emdr also, which im doing some of tomorrow to resolve something.
(((HI CAT))))
Nice to see you.
Haha, I agree with you about the relationship itself being trauma work. Is your T trained in trauma? I've been reading a lot of Kathy Steele lately and it seems like there are a few fundamentals that should be adhered to.
It's a bit difficult for me to bring things up first because of my approval issues. I need to know T thinks it's important. I'm trying to get past that.
It can be scary.
Nice to see you.
Haha, I agree with you about the relationship itself being trauma work. Is your T trained in trauma? I've been reading a lot of Kathy Steele lately and it seems like there are a few fundamentals that should be adhered to. It's a bit difficult for me to bring things up first because of my approval issues. I need to know T thinks it's important. I'm trying to get past that.
It can be scary.
Hi Liese
Big yes here to trauma work.
My T is very direct, holds firm boundaries and is incredibly empathic and understanding.
sometimes I sit in the middle of the trauma feelings and wish I'd die because its so painful.
Other times I act out (though admittedly less than before) and other times I lay in bed grieving whenever possible. Occasionally I'm suicidal if the floor really has fallen out from under me and I'm having trouble with hubby. T breaks are mostly very hard. I've also started journalling about my trauma recovery because it helps to rewire the experience in the brain in a more healthy and adaptive way.
Big yes here to trauma work.
My T is very direct, holds firm boundaries and is incredibly empathic and understanding.
sometimes I sit in the middle of the trauma feelings and wish I'd die because its so painful.
Other times I act out (though admittedly less than before) and other times I lay in bed grieving whenever possible. Occasionally I'm suicidal if the floor really has fallen out from under me and I'm having trouble with hubby. T breaks are mostly very hard. I've also started journalling about my trauma recovery because it helps to rewire the experience in the brain in a more healthy and adaptive way.
Hi again Greeneyes,
Have you had the experience of a situation IRL triggering some stuff that you know is related to one of your traumas and it destabilizing you to a large extent? If yes, how did your T work it through with you?
Have you had the experience of a situation IRL triggering some stuff that you know is related to one of your traumas and it destabilizing you to a large extent? If yes, how did your T work it through with you?
Liese what's IRL?
But if I'm highly destabilised in general he focuses very much on acknowledging, soothing, regulating and containing my emotions and sometimes pointing out ones I'm not aware of. that and helping me to think clearly about whats going on and if my inner abuser/critic is high jacking the show and making me feel worse.
But if I'm highly destabilised in general he focuses very much on acknowledging, soothing, regulating and containing my emotions and sometimes pointing out ones I'm not aware of. that and helping me to think clearly about whats going on and if my inner abuser/critic is high jacking the show and making me feel worse.
Hey Greeneyes,
IRL - in real life. A real life trigger, outside of therapy. How does he contain your emotions?
IRL - in real life. A real life trigger, outside of therapy. How does he contain your emotions?
Hi Liese,
Good to see you too!
Yea, both of my Ts are trained in trauma work and are trauma survivors themselves. They process differently but do any and everything I think is right for me with my treatment. They are (and my P - also trained in trauma) so so so mindful of my triggers and seem to understand my pace better than I do. There are some things they do that I didn't even were conscious. Somehow I got really lucky with my Ts. We've also dealt a lot with trauma, and I forgot to mention this, based on my reaction patterns to others an my own cognitive distortions - that has been amazing. It's always brought up in a gentle and curious manner and I resolve a lot (and hurt a lot) trying to resolve my own patterns, acknowledge how they were created... It cures some stuff top down. Example I would argue with my T and our discussion lead to... Do I believe that if someone doesn't agree with me that my opinion is worthless or that someone needs to be blamed in conflict? And... Based on my actions yea... That was so true. It was how I grew up - I was gaslighted, and always to blame and blame was always a big thing as was that my opinions were worthless. After that session and some processing outside of it... I don't normally, or can catch myself and observe when that is happening. So I carry the trauma less... My T wrote a mantra for me on a card I have tapes by my computer and I see it everyday and it helps. So it helps make things less intense...
I feel like I sound crazy but my Ts (both) abilities to help me observe and be aware of things I do due to my traumas is great processing. They challenge me a lot and push back on my crap and in such a non offensive way while being really blunt and direct. They aren't dedicated to their ideas and willing to either be wrong or let me sit with my denial
Good to see you too!
Yea, both of my Ts are trained in trauma work and are trauma survivors themselves. They process differently but do any and everything I think is right for me with my treatment. They are (and my P - also trained in trauma) so so so mindful of my triggers and seem to understand my pace better than I do. There are some things they do that I didn't even were conscious. Somehow I got really lucky with my Ts. We've also dealt a lot with trauma, and I forgot to mention this, based on my reaction patterns to others an my own cognitive distortions - that has been amazing. It's always brought up in a gentle and curious manner and I resolve a lot (and hurt a lot) trying to resolve my own patterns, acknowledge how they were created... It cures some stuff top down. Example I would argue with my T and our discussion lead to... Do I believe that if someone doesn't agree with me that my opinion is worthless or that someone needs to be blamed in conflict? And... Based on my actions yea... That was so true. It was how I grew up - I was gaslighted, and always to blame and blame was always a big thing as was that my opinions were worthless. After that session and some processing outside of it... I don't normally, or can catch myself and observe when that is happening. So I carry the trauma less... My T wrote a mantra for me on a card I have tapes by my computer and I see it everyday and it helps. So it helps make things less intense...
I feel like I sound crazy but my Ts (both) abilities to help me observe and be aware of things I do due to my traumas is great processing. They challenge me a lot and push back on my crap and in such a non offensive way while being really blunt and direct. They aren't dedicated to their ideas and willing to either be wrong or let me sit with my denial
((CAT))
I had a long reply typed out and lost it. Appreciate your thoughts. Will be back later.
I had a long reply typed out and lost it. Appreciate your thoughts. Will be back later.
CAT,
Something happened recently in real life that destabilized me for two weeks. I was okay at work when distracted but when I was alone at home, the symptoms would come back. T was supportive but we didn't do any, "well, this is coming from x, y or z" type of stuff.
Two weeks later, I told him that I thought we should have focused on it more, done more trauma work. I wasn't sure he was really getting how difficult of a time I was having. I finally had to tell him that I felt as thought an elephant had picked me up by the trunk and was thrashing me around.
Now, however, I am wondering if that would have been the worst time to have done the trauma processing as I was already pretty destabilized. Maybe when you get your footing is the time to talk more in depth about it?
I do a lot of trauma reading and unilaterally decide that we should be doing x, y or z but fail to communicate that to T. Then I feel as though he's failing me. I'm not sure if he is or if my expectations are too high.
Also had an upset at work this past Sunday that I told T about on Monday.
Usually, I'm by myself or with one other person and we're answering phones and talking to members all day. But there was a special event going on. It was very busy and there were a lot of the bigger wigs around me, etc.
I was having a hard time feeling connected to anyone and kind of had a little bit of a freak out. I told T how I need to learn how to handle when I don't feel like I'm connecting to people I might see repeatedly as in an office. Do I just stop trying to be friendly when they don't seem to be particularl friendly? Do I stop talking to them? How do I go on with my life ignoring someone I'm passing in the hall on a regular basis? How could I live with myself making the decision that this person is not worth getting to know?
He could have asked, "Liese, why do you feel like that person is not worth getting to know?" or practically any other question but he tends to come out with an answer instead of trying to get more information out of me. (However, I tend to be evasive so I'm not really sure how that technique would work for me.)
I was astounded, actually, he was giving me what seemed to be his typical response after I had been complaining that we never get to the trauma work so I started drawing a figure 8 in the air with my hand - to represent the fact that here we go again, around and around the figure 8 and never getting anywhere. It was the only thing I could do. LOL! I couldn't speak.
He started to smile when he saw me drawing the figure 8. Finally, I got out, "I think it's because I think when people don't talk to me that they feel I'm not worth getting to know, that I'm worthless."
He looked at me and said, yes, Liese, that's it.
So, then I said to him, well that's what you should have said to me instead of giving me a fix-it type of answer. He said, well, it didn't come to me that way until you said it or something like that.
I am wondering if I am splitting hairs here. His fix-it answer was relevant but it didn't get to what I was feeling about myself, feeling worthless. He knew it came from my own feelings of worthlessness but instead of focusing on getting me to become aware of and verbalize those feelings, focused more on, "well, you have to build your core, and blah blah blah blah." I keep getting frustrated that there's something we're missing, something we're not discussing. I don't know what it is. I'm just not sure he's helping me process my emotions enough. What do you think?
Well, if anything, writing this out has helped me be more specific with him tomorrow in terms of how he responds isn't helping. He IS a really good listener. He IS really patient. The last therapist I saw would finish my sentences for me when I stalled and I would always shake my head yes, as if she had it right, when most of the time, she was completely off. And, so that left me in a helluva quandry, knowing that she had it wrong but feeling as though I had to go along with her. Ah, the complications of being me.
Something happened recently in real life that destabilized me for two weeks. I was okay at work when distracted but when I was alone at home, the symptoms would come back. T was supportive but we didn't do any, "well, this is coming from x, y or z" type of stuff.
Two weeks later, I told him that I thought we should have focused on it more, done more trauma work. I wasn't sure he was really getting how difficult of a time I was having. I finally had to tell him that I felt as thought an elephant had picked me up by the trunk and was thrashing me around.
Now, however, I am wondering if that would have been the worst time to have done the trauma processing as I was already pretty destabilized. Maybe when you get your footing is the time to talk more in depth about it?
I do a lot of trauma reading and unilaterally decide that we should be doing x, y or z but fail to communicate that to T. Then I feel as though he's failing me. I'm not sure if he is or if my expectations are too high.
Also had an upset at work this past Sunday that I told T about on Monday.
Usually, I'm by myself or with one other person and we're answering phones and talking to members all day. But there was a special event going on. It was very busy and there were a lot of the bigger wigs around me, etc.
I was having a hard time feeling connected to anyone and kind of had a little bit of a freak out. I told T how I need to learn how to handle when I don't feel like I'm connecting to people I might see repeatedly as in an office. Do I just stop trying to be friendly when they don't seem to be particularl friendly? Do I stop talking to them? How do I go on with my life ignoring someone I'm passing in the hall on a regular basis? How could I live with myself making the decision that this person is not worth getting to know?
He could have asked, "Liese, why do you feel like that person is not worth getting to know?" or practically any other question but he tends to come out with an answer instead of trying to get more information out of me. (However, I tend to be evasive so I'm not really sure how that technique would work for me.)
I was astounded, actually, he was giving me what seemed to be his typical response after I had been complaining that we never get to the trauma work so I started drawing a figure 8 in the air with my hand - to represent the fact that here we go again, around and around the figure 8 and never getting anywhere. It was the only thing I could do. LOL! I couldn't speak.
He started to smile when he saw me drawing the figure 8. Finally, I got out, "I think it's because I think when people don't talk to me that they feel I'm not worth getting to know, that I'm worthless."
He looked at me and said, yes, Liese, that's it.
So, then I said to him, well that's what you should have said to me instead of giving me a fix-it type of answer. He said, well, it didn't come to me that way until you said it or something like that.
I am wondering if I am splitting hairs here. His fix-it answer was relevant but it didn't get to what I was feeling about myself, feeling worthless. He knew it came from my own feelings of worthlessness but instead of focusing on getting me to become aware of and verbalize those feelings, focused more on, "well, you have to build your core, and blah blah blah blah." I keep getting frustrated that there's something we're missing, something we're not discussing. I don't know what it is. I'm just not sure he's helping me process my emotions enough. What do you think?
Well, if anything, writing this out has helped me be more specific with him tomorrow in terms of how he responds isn't helping. He IS a really good listener. He IS really patient. The last therapist I saw would finish my sentences for me when I stalled and I would always shake my head yes, as if she had it right, when most of the time, she was completely off. And, so that left me in a helluva quandry, knowing that she had it wrong but feeling as though I had to go along with her. Ah, the complications of being me.
I will write more later... Between work meetings right now. But yea sometimes if you are destabilized the priority is management and then maybe going back when it's less intense.
As for talking with your T about Sunday... My T is client focused and will not give me answers very often (this was hard for a while because in my trauma I've been told what to do all the time). I will usually explain what you explained then I will ask 'why do you think... Blah blah' then we will explore that together. I'm like a kid I as why why why why... Etc constantly about everything. So I lead that a bit more but I know you are more non directive I sort of free form or my T does stop and ask those same things. It might just not be time yet.
To add though T2 who does DBT and mindfulness and body stuff is a fix-it, or rather "lets deal with the here and now feelings" type. She's a great compliment to T1 and does trauma work in a different way, each have their goodness I love bodywork and talking equally. Mindfulness makes me want to gag so T does less of that with me now probably to save me eye strain (from rolling them).
As for talking with your T about Sunday... My T is client focused and will not give me answers very often (this was hard for a while because in my trauma I've been told what to do all the time). I will usually explain what you explained then I will ask 'why do you think... Blah blah' then we will explore that together. I'm like a kid I as why why why why... Etc constantly about everything. So I lead that a bit more but I know you are more non directive I sort of free form or my T does stop and ask those same things. It might just not be time yet.
To add though T2 who does DBT and mindfulness and body stuff is a fix-it, or rather "lets deal with the here and now feelings" type. She's a great compliment to T1 and does trauma work in a different way, each have their goodness I love bodywork and talking equally. Mindfulness makes me want to gag so T does less of that with me now probably to save me eye strain (from rolling them).