Gosh, I just re-read this and I DO sound defensive...sorry everybody.

I find being defensive means negative coping mechanisms are being challenged (and they die hard). My ED T irritates me to my very core - about my ED specifically. It's in being defensive and saying the defensive thing a I think or believe that we can dissect those and see the thought process. My regular T does that too when making a point (a true but ultimately annoying point I'm not in the mood to accept or change).

Thanks, Cat. Hope this is just a temporary thing for me. Maybe it will get better.

LJB

(((LJB)) I sure understand what you are talking about. I'm going through all the things you have mentioned, and YES I can be defensive and irritated. You are finally learning to take care of yourself by making your needs known, your letting yourself out of that "internal prison". I yelled at my T the other day because of something he said, he irritated the heck out of me and he knew it. I just yelled and then shutdown and did not want to talk with him for awhile. He told me he was glad I got angry at him. But he also reminded me that he was on my side and for me not to forget that. I think your T sounds pretty connected and secure telling you that you can tell him to f*** o** if you need to. I haven't used those words directed at my t, but I've really raised my voice at him, and even walked out on him once. Like your T, my T also uses the humanistic approach, and I think he purposely pushes my buttons sometimes to get me to react, and it works. So it seems to me that what your feeling is a pretty normal way of searching and testing your feelings when you feel safe enough to really react the way you want to. Don't be afraid of those feelings, just really understand its happening because you were previously in a situation where you could not feel what you wanted to feel, and now your learning to be true to yourself. Keep feeling what you need to, and be true to what you need. Remember that Therapy is all about your feelings and your needs.

Draggers and Emme--thank you for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only one experiencing it. I know when I feel this way, I feel like a total b**ch. T told me, "Sometimes it's very healthy to get in touch with your inner b**ch." But, I always feel awful afterwards. Like, I hate myself for acting that way, then I feel guilty for acting that way with T, someone who is trying to help me. But...if I can get through this, maybe I'll be a better person like you guys were saying. I hope this is the case.

LJB