I have quit and gone back several times and we discuss it but it never seems any different after the discussion. She will say we will discuss one thing at the next appointment and then never bring it up again, not remember things she said to me the week before, not remember what I have said, etc. Which I freak out about. I do think she was trying some CBT which is not right for me but I am not positive about the CBT as my understanding of the various types is shaky at best. The first time I went she noticed I was in a full blown anxiety attack, but she thinks I am better because I can control it better now even though I tell her I am not.
I am not sure how much it is okay to say here about SI so I will not go into details.
I left a message saying I would not be back and have not heard anything from her for three days so I assume she is not surprised.
I went and tried some other therapists and did not have the same immediate feeling of bad mother response like I did with this woman. I am not certain if I am supposed to react to them like bad mother or not. But it was immediate with her - almost the first appointment. I have another therapist I have seen twice I may go to but do not have the emotional thing with. I am unsure if the emotional thing is a good (albeit awful thing to feel) or if it means I need to find someone else or if I just suck at this altogether.

Welcome Stoppers.

It sounds like your therapist whom you have just ended with is not meeting you with understanding and she is making alot of interpretations as to what your feeling rather than taking on board what you are in fact telling her. Whether she is practising CBT or another mode of therapy she still needs to take into account what is going on for you and it does sound like she may not be the right match to provide the support and understanding that you are looking for.

It also sounds like there was quite a bit of transference taking place. You say you didn't feel an emotional thing for the other therapists you have seen, does that make you feel more comfortable in sharing or do you need the element of the emotional thing (good or bad) that your other one provided?

If you are feeling unheard it is definitely something worth bringing to her attention if you do decide to go back.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Butterfly

I do feel unheard but what is more unsettling to me is that she never remembers anything from week to week. Is not remembering normal? She takes notes of some sort - perhaps making her grocery list. She has never used the word transference but did say my anxiety was resistance.

Sorry for being on here so much but I am trying to distract myself from SI or calling her and once again going back as it seems so pathetic both to feel this way about her when reality is she is just some strange woman to whom I have whined for a few months and to feel such an overwhelming need to justify myself to her.

stoppers. sorry you are having a rough go of it.

she didn't like telling what 'kind' of therapy this is??? that seems odd. many say 'eclectic', and i guess that counts. but, depending on where you live, dbt...dialectic behavior therapy, is useful for si issues. it is one of the therapies i am doing.

my t took awhile to really understand how bad i feel, as, i dress well, i present well, i can appear together...but, it is all crashing inside. she said many times that i hide it well and i am going to have to tell her what is going on inside. she sees it more, and at times i am a bawling mass of flesh on her sofa. so, it has come out for her. but, she is the FIRST to see it. the first t i went to, he didn't get it. or didn't have the toools, both, probably. so, one thing i have learned the hard way, is, all t is not alike. cognitive behavior therapy cbt, is more short term and surfacey, in my opinion. psycho-analysis if for deeper issues resulting from childhood dysfuntion and takes longer, and for me, is enlightening, and 'easier'...but a longer road, but, for me, with the childhood FOO issues i have, i think pa is key. dbt, dialectic behavior therapy, is another thing i am doing as it addresses features of my personality that fall in the borderline personality disorder realm, such as FEAR of abandonment, lack of self identity, inability to self regulate emotions, intense emotions, avoidance tendancies to interpersonal conflict, and at TIMES, hopelessness.

so, i would at least firm up her training.

recently, i JUMPED DOWN MY T'S THROAT FOR FORGETTING SOMETHING.

actually, i mentioned a BIG thing the week before, and without saying the exact words, for ten minutes i was talking about 'it' the next week and then, ten minutes down the road, i realize she doesn't know what i am talking about!

i told her i needed someone MORE INTUITIVE. someone that HAD EMPATHY.

i cut her down GOOD. not out of meanness, but out of hurt and frustration.

so, my point, TELL HER IT SEEMS SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER STUFF WEEK TO WEEK.

it will be hard, BUT, i think mine listens better. and getting angry with a t over rightful stuff IS a good bridge to get over...some can't handle being wrong, and if that is the case, as hard as it is, it is better to know now than later.

i'd tell her. because that just (s*cks) and there is no way to have a t relationship with someone that out of tune.

my two cents. hope i am not too harsh. jill

Hey stoppers,

Just wanted to weigh in with the others. I had one who took notes and also told me I was resistant. She also confessed to having a bad memory and told me that one client had spent an entire session crying over his mother's death and mentioned it again the next session and she had forgotten. He left her, of course and so did I. Your T SOUNDS like a BAD MOTHER!!! FWIW.


On the other hand, it sounds like therapy could be really helpful for you. I have found it helpful to get recommendations from someone within the mental health field. Once I asked my kids pediatrician for a recommendation and she gave me the name of a therapist who had dropped business cards off at her office but with whom she had no personal experience. I went for one visit and she was awful. I would definitely stick with someone in the mental health field.

It sounds like you have difficulty sharing just how much pain you are in. I have the same problem. I have learned over the years that I do need to tell them how much distress I am in. I hide it very well also. People actually tell me I'm laid back. Very funny.

FWIW, my new T doesn't believe in resistance!

Good luck and don't give up!

Liese

Thanks for the responses. I am trying to figure out if this is normal on her part not to seem to remember anything from week to week, if this is normal transference stuff or if it is a sign we do not work well together. I do not despise her like I did the one who let me just sit in silence and shake

Hi Stoppers,

On the other hand, there's new T, who has an excellent memory. He actually told me that that's one of the compliments he gets from clients, that he remembers what they tell him. I've noticed if I drop a name once, he might actually bring up the name several weeks later. However, we went through a period when every session felt like ground hogs day. It seemed as though he didn't remember anything about me either. He didn't follow up on things we may have talked about the previous session. I brought it to his attention and he said that he's a here and now kind of guy. FWIW.