Hi Goldfish ~ welcome to the forums. Nice to meet you. I'm not sure how normal it is not not. I can see why it would be uncomfortable though. Did your psychologist explain why she wants you to bring your baby?

Well, she said, "Why is it wrong for two women to watch a baby, etc.", and that I should bring him "in case something comes up", which makes me worry that she will just try to find a disorder with me and my child's relationship, so she can "cure" it.

I went with him in the past, and she noticed that I said "Shh" to him. Well, of course, because I wanted to talk. And she criticized me for feeding him a bottle in the session, saying that this was related to my alcoholism (I've been 5 years sober). And that I'm basically trying to just shut him up.

Well, maybe so, but I don't do that at home. Just there, and in public places. Being in therapy with my son just makes me nervous.

I think that would be really distressing for your baby to be around a Mom who is stressed out - therapy is major work and I know I'm not exactly my calmest self in session... I get triggered, am scared, etc.

So I can't speak to if it's "normal" or not but it doesn't sound right to me. And to be criticized for the things you are doing in session with your baby, etc... awful. It also distracts and takes away from the time you need to concentrate on you and if you don't want to address the interactions between you and your child you shouldn't have to in my opinion.

I'd ask your T if she has a THEORETICAL reason to bring in your baby aside from "two woman can watch a baby, right?" (I thought you were there for therapy not baby watching?!).

I want to thank you guys for your responses.

I really dislike going there with my baby. So last time I found a babysitter to watch him for an hour, and I went alone. She didn't like that one bit.

I was talking about my family, and my husband (critically). She told me to leave my husband and take the kids with me. This was in my 6th session with her. I don't know what her point was, do you think she was trying to get me to stop complaining?

Maybe she was provoking me, and basically saying to stop all the complaining, that is fine.

Anyway, I'm going tomorrow with my baby, I'll just be cool, no complaining about anyone, just talk about my son.

And that's another thing, she asks me, "What is your baby thinking"? And when he cries she asks me, "What is he saying"? I mean, I don't know exactly what he is thinking. Probably hungry, bored, or tired. Sigh. I think I need to find a new therapist, but I have absolutely no desire to start all over.

Goldfish,
Welcome to the forums. There are so many red flags here, it looks more like a red King sized quilt. Sorry, there may be good reasons your T is doing what she's doing, but I want some answers why.

I agree with Catalyst. Therapy is not a place for a child. It's a time where a parent goes to get their needs met, so that they are capable of giving to their child and meeting their childs needs. It should also be a time in which you can attend only to yourself. And if her reason for wanting the baby there is because she wants to be around a baby, well then, she needs to arrange that on her time, not your time and at your expense.

A therapist should NOT be telling you to leave your husband at any point in therapy, let alone after knowing you for only six sessions. How the hell could she know if it's the right thing to do for you? Therapy should be a safe place for you to talk about your feelings and be able to make up your own mind. And when it comes to something as important as marriage, your T should tread lightly. I mean, does she believe you or the baby are in danger from your husband? Otherwise, I really don't get that one (and might still find it questionable unless the circumstances were extreme).

And criticizing you for bottle feeding your baby? Total head scratcher. 1)How you feed your child is your choice and really no one else's business 2) Your T should not be criticizing or judging your behavior 3) She's shifting YOUR therapy off of you and on to your child (see earlier points).

I know starting over might be daunting, but better this early on in the process and before you are seriously injured by this woman.

AG

No therapist should push you to do anything against your desires at the time.

Think you should find a new one. She might do you more damage.

There are much better ones out there, by the sounds of it!

welcome to the forum btw

Hi Goldfish,

just to add to the chorus-- this seems to me like a pretty cut and dry case of "the customer is always right". It really doesn't matter what your therapist thinks is being gained by bringing your son to session: the bottom line is, if it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't do it.

Exploring *why* it makes you uncomfortable may be legit, but pressuring you to do it is a no-no. Bringing your child in may very well be an interesting exercise-- if YOU ever feel ready to do it, you'll be the one to decide if and when.

At any rate, it sounds like you're pretty decided about leaving her-- probably for the best

Good luck,

effed

Thanks a lot guys, you are really helping me. I am seeing her today, and if she insists that I bring my son with me again, then I am going to tell her that's not what I want.

She wants to observe me and my baby together, "In case something comes up". Well, let me tell you that she will find "something", like my highly crazy bottle feeding of my baby. And my crazy use of the word "SHH".

I'm nervous, because she's very intimidating, but I want to tell her in person. Why don't I want to bring my son? I feel like a couple of zoo animals being watched by the scientist.

I really don't like that she didn't respect me when I told her I was uncomfortable bringing him, she just wouldn't accept it any other way.

Will keep you posted.....

And another thing....the last session, when I found a babysitter to watch my son and went alone, I could tell she was annoyed that I didn't bring him. She was very direct with me, maybe because she was mad at me. BUT strangely enough, I felt better that she said a few things about my complaining about my parents. Basically, that complaining doesn't help. That was good. That happened when I was ALONE with her.

What was bad was that she didn't respect the fact that I am uncomfortable bringing my baby. I told her exactly, that I need a warm-up period before I can bring him, and that I am very sensitive to criticism about me and my baby's relationship, and would prefer to come alone, AT THAT TIME. Well, forget it. Bring your son next time.

I am also starting school in the fall, teacher training. My son will be old enough at that point for daycare.

I will be qualified to teach in High School, but the course lasts 3 years, and then another 2 years of student teaching (at that point I will be getting paid). I am an English teacher already, I just have no qualifications other than being a native speaker (I live in Germany), and 12 years experience. I want a job where I can work when my kids work, and I want to be more marketable.

She said, "Is it really a good idea to go back to school? There are many teachers who can't find work at the moment." I said, well, here in the country it is difficult to find work as an English teacher. And that was when she suggested I leave my husband, move to the city, find work there, and take my two kids with me.

Super idea. My son is 3 months old. We also have a 4 year old. How much is this apartment with 3 bedrooms in the city going to cost? So I should move, and sue for child support and maybe get on welfare?

No we are not in danger. I was criticizing my husband for not being there for me emotionally, and for being controlling. I would much prefer to do couples counseling with him and work it out than leave him. She said, "fine. If you want to be dependent on him..."

NO! I don't want to be dependent, good lord woman, why do you think I'm going back to school? Yes, I am 37 years old, but I figure I will still have more than 20 years of work left by the time I finish.

Thanks guys.