That must be really scary to have your experiences invalidated like that...!! Yikes, I would be really scared, too! is there anyone else you can ask about the situation who might remember, besides your mom- or was she the only one who knew? It might help you tremendously, just to hear someone else say they remember something happening, that your mom claims never happened. It seems like it's really important to get at the truth, in this case! I hope your T will be able to help you find the answers...big hugs,

BB

Oh ND, your mother sounds a lot like my mother. She used to always ask me if I remembered certain people, kind of like, don't you remember the so and so's and all the fun we used to have? And I always thought there was something wrong with my memory but one day (not that long ago, unfortunately) I realized that ALL of her memories are tied to things and people related to my older brother who is 6 years older than me and the firstborn. They have a very pathological relationship and I think she used him to fill some very neglected emotional needs. But needless to say, she does not remember my life nor does she ever validate it.

Here is a really good example. I met Mary in 9th grade in high school and we started to become friends. Mary was having a party and she invited me. Then she saw me smoking cigarettes and uninvited me to the party. I suppose she didn't want smokers at her party. (Fast forward 25 years and her husband gets arrested for insurance fraud!!!! She wasn't a good judge of character, I guess.)

Anyway, also fast forward 25 years and she turns up in my father's theater group with the lead role. My mother was incessantly pushing me to come see my "friend" Mary in the play. Oh, Liese, you have to come see your friend Mary in the play. My mother gets like a little kid, pulling at your coat.

At first I was afraid to tell her that Mary wasn't my friend. (why?) But after she bugged me about it for the one millionth time, I finally told her that Mary wasn't my friend. And she said, of course she was, you're being ridiculous. A

I've learned that all her memories are tied up with my brother and that she is not an accurate historian with regard to my life. I don't take it personally anymore but I totally get why it would really hurt you. I hope you know though that it has more to do with your mother and her problems than it has to do with you.

((((((ND)))))

P.S. My Dad travelled 50% of the time. When he was away, my brother often took over a parenting role. He used to drag me away from the kitchen table at dinner time if he thought I was being a brat towards my mother and beat me up in the backyard. I'd return to the table all bruised and with my hair all tousled. My mother never said a word. Years later I brought it up to her and she said, Liese, that never happened, you're crazy. Don't you think I would have stopped it?

To give her the benefit of the doubt, he did take me out to the backyard where she couldn't see me. But the way I came back to the table should have been a sure sign. And I don't know about you, but I certainly don't let any of my kids discipline any of my other kids.