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9 replies

is it POSSIBLE to find a therapist who sincerely cares...

J jillMember
...i know a part of this whole process is to develop caring relationships in the real world, and i have a great husband, teen age boys that love and care for me, and several friends. but, the people that CARE about me can't heal that inner child that has such childish kneejerk reactions of trust, being heard and understood, feeling 'worthy', etc. all that stuff i missed growing up.

that inner child is in REALLY BAD SHAPE! the people that CARE can't HEAL her, and the people that CAN heal her DON"T CARE!! (see post on this last therapist falling asleep on me, and the former i guess, having counter-transference issues and would say, during my trance-like rants about my shitty childhood, that he would never have an affair on his wife...totally out of context things, and 5-6 times in our nine months of therapy, not to mention letting me drive off when i had told him it took me two hours to drive a ten minute drive...i kept getting lost and driving miles away without knowing where i was going. lots of not knowing what is real). i know a therapist is not our mommy, but it seems they are so worried about crossing the lines of boundaries, that they don't even deal with you like you are human. and that they are human.

i am so HURT with this process, that i don't know if there is anyone out there that can help me! and the people that love me can't fix 'it'.

how do i screen someone for humanity?? i am female, would a female therapist be more compassionate?? HELP!!! i am nucking futs!!
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deeplyrooteddeeplyrootedMember
quote:
how do i screen someone for humanity??

I made a similar sarcastic comment recently to a friend while making a list of questions I can ask while interviewing for a new T.

I hear you anger and pain and have to guard myself from letting it stir the same in me right now as I only have a few minutes. I need to get dinner for my family.

You are right to fight on behalf of your inner child. She deserves to be helped by someone who understands the pain and the struggle to heard.

Have you mentioned the problem getting home after sessions to your T? If you return to see this T, is there any way someone can either drive you to your appointment or meet you when you are finished so that you do not drive away while taken over by an emotion or of thoughts from the session that cause you to get lost driving home? I have often needed for someone to meet me after a session to help me stay grounded after a tough session. I think a good T would do something at the end of the session to make sure his client is in the hear and now but maybe they can't always tell. i don't know about that. I do know it would help tremendously to have someone meet me after an appointment. A recent thread on the forum is called "After Care Rituals" in Coffee Talk at the Psych Cafe. I glanced at it but did not make the time to post. You might find some helpful self-care ideas for after therapy on that thread.

Hang in there, jill. You are doing the best you can do!

deeplyrooted
J jillMember
scaredtoriskmyself...what exactly is her style?? i am interested as i don't even know what a style could be described as that would enter into that inner child world and FIX something. the listening ear only goes so far...someone needs to connect the dots.

it is so PAINFUL to 'bleed out' in a session with no one to mop up the blood...and to just stuff it all back inside and function in the real world only to pull it all out again the next week...and no one fixes anything...

please describe what her process is so i might be able to integrate this into my interviewing process of therapist number three....thanks, and i am happy for you that you have found something that is working!! yippee!! one for OUR SIDE!!
J jillMember
well, i have been reading your sites, and searching, and so far, no one in my city (private emai if you need) comes up. but this helps alot. and encourages me that there is help out there. after awhile you just think no one gets it, no one cares that can help you, your husband isn't a therapist and can't fix it, you just decide to stuff it the rest of your life just like you have so far.

so you have given me hope that a therapist can have warmth and compassion, too. not just a DAMNED ear and a credit card machine.

wow, the rage inside is intense!! thanks,
Last edited by jill
E elleMember
For me, it seems like nobody cares. My therapist gave me some stupid line about caring too much (which is a nicer thing to say than I give up) But, I'm not that crazy- I could feel it when she stopped caring because I could feel it when she cared.

What do you do when nobody wants you to hurt yourself but nobody actually wants you?

Caring too much is like saying I wont eat strawberries because they taste too good. HUH??? It isn't the reason- I'm the reason.

There is not one thing about life that makes a bit of sense to me and not one person I can trust.
J jillMember
(((elle)))

it is a scary feeling to feel that. i have thought that 'the people that care about me...husband, kids, friends...CAN'T HELP ME - and the people who CAN help me ... therapists ... don't CARE'.

they are so flipping worried about crossing the line, i think they are paranoid and inhumane, to some degree. i am on therapist number three, and maybe, being my first female, she won't have such imcompassionate boundary issues. and i am not asking for touch, or time out of therapy. although one on here talked about her T doing mid-week check up calls...i can't IMAGINE THAT, especially in a rough week.

i don't know, good luck, i think maybe women can be more nurturing...this is my lastest gamble.

they don't realize their 'distance and blankness' just make us even more sure that there is no one in the world who cares who can help....just one more 'parent type' that doesn't care...
J jillMember
quote:
There is not one thing about life that makes a bit of sense to me and not one person I can trust.



have you ever looked a 'schema therapy', they have a website, i have done their inventory checklist thing, and would recommend you google it. those thoughts are very typical of what this schema coping / modes find. all it did was catagorize my issues, but was a bit interesting. of course, i am 'off the charts' on many modes...the vulnerable child, the detached self-soother, being two.

i know, i have been trying to 'make sense of my world' since i was a kid....why would my dad slap me one day and buy me a new bike the next? why does mom laugh and play with her piano kids and not me?? why does my sister make me watch her masterbate and help her and not tell? why does nobody hear me cry at night...i am being very LOUD and no one hears?? finally T1 told me i was like marilyn in the munsters tv show. maybe you were too??
strummergirlstrummergirlMember
{{{{{{{{{Elle}}}}}}}}}}

Welcome to the forums, Elle...and I'm terribly sorry you're in such a painful and lonely place. I've been in that place more times that I can count, where it seems that nobody cares and nobody wants me. But the will to keep going is really strong, and sometimes that one act of tentative reaching out can put you in touch with people who understand. I'm really glad you reached out here, it sounds like you could really use some support right now, especially when it sounds like you and your T are not connecting very well. Keep posting here, it's a safe place to share feelings about life not making sense and lots of other things that come up. And I hope things start looking a little brighter for you really soon.

Peace,
SG
blackbirdblackbirdMember
Welcome Elle. That's a pretty name. I hope you will feel comfortable in our group...and that you can find some caring and support for yourself here. I'm sorry you are suffering, and I hope we can ease your loneliness a little bit. I have often gone through times in my life when it felt truly like no one cared. But after some therapy and work, I was able to at least be able to see a little bit of the caring that was available to me for the asking around me. Let us know how you are faring.

BB

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