(((CAT)))

I often feel the same way. Sometimes I just get tired of trying so hard and need a break. Not from therapy but from expecting so much all the time and being okay with just treading water sometimes.

We all need someone to believe in us. You are NOT a $100.00 car.

Hey Cat, Your therapist continues to see you because she values you and because your are trying and because she cares, and because you are worth it, and because she believes in you.

I believe in you too.

quote:

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” - Emerson

You and your therapist are committed in finding that path Cat. Finding one self as a unique individual is the path, and discovering a passion along the way is just another bonus of therapy. You are evolving.


"Though you have lately felt inclined to question the efficiency of a path that you have chosen, you may yet discover that it has led you to a very worthwhile place."......??

((Cat))

Have you ever had the experience of trying to find something that you know you put away in a safe spot. But you can't remember now where that spot was. I know I will tear apart the house, go through drawers, sift through piles of paper looking for the item. When I finally give up and go buy a replacement, or figure out how to do without the item, the memory comes to me where it is.

I wonder if that is what is happening with your therapy journey right now. You are trying to hard and concentrating so hard, that your mind won't let the information be seen.

My suggestion to overcome this is a bit bizzare. I suggest you find a volunteer opportunity in your community. I try to model volunteering to my kids whenever I can. We prepare and feed meals to the homeless, deliver meals on wheels to elderly, visit nursing homes and just visit with folks that don't get regular visitors, read with kids at the elementary school, proctor tests at the middle/high school, clean up neighbors yards after hurricanes, and lots of other stuff. Doing this helps to put your issues in perspective, and moves your thoughts onto something else for a period of time. This is often when understanding comes to me for things I have been struggling with.

Sorry if this is a bit too off the wall of a suggestion.

Thinking about you,

Jillann

Cat does a good job of volunteering in here, me thinks.

Volunteering has been suggested to me before and can be helpful. At first it seemed weird but it accomplishes exactly what Jillian suggests. Even if it doesn't put things in perspective, it gets you out of your head. Being engaged with the outside world can do wonders even if it's only for a little while.

((((cat))))
thanks for saying what i oftentimes feel about being in therapy. he'll keep seeing me as long as i keep coming back, even though i feel like i'm not doing the work and if i know i'm not doing the work then he certainly does. i'm not implying you aren't doing the work, this is just how i feel alot. therapy intrigues me and i think i could benefit from it, but at the same time i feel like i'm not all that committed to it in the way i need to be committed.

i had a thread on passion not too long ago. i also need a passion, and i even told T "how do you find a passion when all you know is what you know"? his suggestion to me, and i'll leave it here for you, is to dig back and rediscover what your passions were as a little kid. when you were 8, what did you want for yourself when you grew up? can you think of something, anything? if it seems to big and out of scope, can you downsize it somehow to make it a realistic possibility? for example, when T asked me this i laughed and said i wanted to live on a hobby farm. at first he was all like...how can you make that happen? he must have realized it was a bit out of scope, so he said "can you have chickens in your neighborhood"? i have not explored that as of yet, since i've found something else in the meanwhile, but it is something for me to possible consider in the future. another possibility (for me) was fostering various types of animals. that type of thing.

it stinks being stuck. i hope you can find a way out soon.

for the record i don't think i've ever seen you pointlessly ramble.

((((cat))))

p.s. what muff said ... you are an awesome and respected member of this forum. when you post, i listen.

I have the same feeling Cat, all the time.

Today I spent an entire session explaining why I was hurt and upset by T not responding to my email friday which was a less serious picture of his stuffed animal with my son's stuffed baseball player. I spent an entire holiday weekend (here in Canada) obsessing about whether he is angry, frustrated, bored with me. I wrote him a couple of follow up emails that showed my range of crazy and when he read them this morning he apologized that he didn't see the picture until this morning. My first thought was he was lying to me rather than admit he read it and ignored it on Friday.

So an hour discussing what was supposed to be a connecting light email. I admitted I thought he was lying to me and my email wasn't okay and he just wouldn't admit it. Do you know how many versions of this conversation I've had with my T and he didn't run screaming from the room or give up. I felt like it.

Sorry I made this about me but I can relate to what you said.

CD, that is what my alcohol counsellor says to me, what did you like as a child?

Thanks for the kind replies everyone - I like when people share their stories too, I learn really well through example, and it means so much!

For the record... my T doesn't think I'm a cheap car either, and told me she knows I know I'm not a cheap car. Well, it depends on the day, the amounts were to make a point. T... i'm struggling to like myself right now.

Session was okay... I told T I feel like she keeps trying because I do.... and her answer was: __________ (T silence ). typical. we talked about being strong (and sensitive).

a lot of the conversation went to her being so steady/reliable and my fear of 'counting on that'. something that fuels me to [find reasons to] push away right now. which this may be...

i remember nothing much else, i was very over activated and dissociated, then went to my usual yoga session and meditated away anything else.

(((Liese))) Thank you for being so sweet. It's so hard to take a break from pushing and pushing ourselves. t tries to have me 'put stuff in a box' it requires a significant amount of yoga on my part and... doesn't work.

(((RM))) Thank you for believing in me she did communicate a type of believing in me, and her care not in those words necessarily.

(((HIC))) I saw you sneak in for a second and read while I was out (couldn't reply) but thank you for what you said.

(((Muff))) Thank you so much for the compliments . i know t wants to help me find the path i worry a lot that i'm shaking a machete out at a quiet sidewalk as if i'm walking through the jungle. so hard not to judge. no clue where the place is i'm at.... bleh!

(((Jill))) I think volunteering more could be a good idea - i do with animals. i have been such a bum lately (off of school so no FTwork/FTschool at the same time). i get my mind off things a lot better when im back in school, t and p often suggest that for me. everyone gets concerned if i don't have plans. i do go ft processing. so adding some more stuff to my schedule would be good. mid-august i have a community club starting up for 6 mo again and there are lots of volunteer chances through there. i'm also running out of art and need to make more before my next show. i know those aren't volunteering, and i sound selfish, but they are things i have to do to get out of my own life/head. reading or doing art projects with kids might be cool. i live not far from a public library, ymca, and museum so i could check there. thank you!

(((lola))) i'm glad volunteering helped for you, too! did your t suggest anything else to do, or do you think volunteering specifically is the right thing? sometimes i get exhausted working with people, walking around in public is usually the most energy i have... i work well with animals and kids though. t has me engage with the outside world just by making sure i leave my house... that's sad lol but sometimes it's work. even if i have just a couple yoga classes planned on the weekend or a dinner we feel safer about my weekend.

(((CD))) thank you so much for your compliments, too. you (and others) have raised my spirits this evening. i'm blessed. i DO remember your thread on passion with the hobby farm. well... when i was little i wanted a lot of animals not necessarily on a farm, i could become a hoarder? i do volunteer with large exotic bird rescues. i've been wanting to get with a cat shelter... when i was a kid i wanted to be a doctor, a vet, or an artist. what i'd really love to be is a stay at home mom with 3-5 kids, but... i'm lacking a few things there. small steps. having art showings helps. my passions were art, animals, writing, building, and daydreaming lol. i do hate being stuck. bleh. you stole my exact thoughts w/ the intrigue and i think i could benefit but just don't know if i'm doing it 'right'.

(((cogs))) So sorry you feel the same. i'm sorry you had such a hard weekend w/ t. i definitely know what it's like to be reacting to thinking about things about t. i'm there tonight, assuming my t thinks even WORSE of me than i thought she did earlier today. without any reason at all. sigh. i've had that same version of that same conversation... a lot of times.

(((scars))) what did you like?

Cat, I've primarily worked on DBT with my T so the ultimate goal of my therapy was to work on mindfulness. Volunteering is one method, but certainly not the only or best one. It just important that you find ways to stay engaged in and more aware of the world around you and not get caught up in your own thoughts for too long. Often in the past, like you, just getting out of the house to do anything was work for me. So finding a place where you're comfortable is important. It doesn't need to be volunteering per se, but something that commands your attention and focus. Yoga is great, as is working with animals or kids. I know it is exhausting so start slow and maybe build up. I As for passion, I just found mine and I'm in my early 40's Grad School for counseling is it for me but it's taken years of various classes back and forth and boring jobs. I hit a tipping point because my personal life was a mess - I was newly separated from my husband and facing the possibility of being a single mom to 3 kids. So I had a real sense of urgency to refocus myself as my kids would need a mentally present mother. I sought out a psychiatrist and he insisted I also see a T for DBT. Does your T do any kind of DBT or CBT and is that something that interests you? I've had therapy on and off since I was 11 and it is the only thing that has struck a chord with me. Something just clicked. I hope I'm not rambling but my point is that I found my passion because I had a fire lit under me and had a new motivation to change that I'd never really had before. It's amazing how many things you miss when we are lost in our thoughts. You can finally notice the beauty in the world around you. It's always there, but it's so easy to become too detached to see and appreciate it.