My mother has struggled with addictions of one kind or another ever since I can remember. Growing up, it was alcohol. Then it was a significant relationship. When he was killed, she turned to credit cards, then gambling, then gambling WITH credit cards. Then addiction to pain meds. Then back to drinking, then drinking on top of pain meds. Then several rounds of rehab. A couple of years ago, after trying to help her repeatedly for about three years and watching her go steadily downhill, and being exhausted financially and emotionally myself, I finally snapped at her and put up boundaries that really needed to be put up, in order to protect myself and my family.
At first she was miffed at me. But after about six months, she seemed to start coming around...and it has only gotten better since. She has remained sober, is becoming financially self-sufficient, seems more mentally and emotionally stable than I've ever seen her, and has even gone back to school this fall!! I just helped her post her homework to her school's discussion page last night (she's 61 years old and still needs a LOT of help with computers but it felt good to help her). She needed a car, and she knew we were selling ours, so last week she bought it from us (and despite feeling REALLY guilty, I "let" her pay us for it).
Anyway, the reason I'm posting this here...I'm an adult child of an alcoholic...and it just feels really weird, in a good way, to see my alcoholic parent, my mom, straightening out. I don't think we'll ever be "close", necessarily...but right now things are better than I ever thought they could be. And I guess I'm feeling kinda uneasy about that...I don't want to become vulnerable again...because I don't want to get hurt again...but she's making a pretty convincing case this time. Not that she's doing this all for show...I don't think it's for show at all. I'm just saying...this is weird. Good but weird.
Thanks for letting me ramble!!
SG