((GG))
I just did a quick skim, but I noticed you used your T's first name. If you are at all concerned about security and privacy you might want to edit that out.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you expressing your feelings. Therapy should be a safe place to express them, but if I may offer a little advice learned from hard experience? There are a lot of YOU statements in what you're saying, which are actually your assumptions about what she is thinking and feeling (I know that it can feel SO true because of the strength of the feelings but it something I did for years to both my husband and my T. Assumed how they felt, then reacted to it, without checking to see how they really thought.)

And talking about the other person tends to put them on the defensive. Would you consider going through and re-writing it from a "when you do _____ (actions), then I feel ______" That way you are able to express your reactions to her actions, which are yours and legitimate but in a way that doesn't put her on the defensive. I have found that my conversations get much further and are more productive if I stick to "I" statements and talk about facts and my feelings, because those are things I can be certain about.

AG

Thank You AG,

absolutely, I can tweak it. That is why I put out here. Thank you for your feedback.

I took the attachment down. I felt guilty. I will deal with it. But for those of you who read it.. thank you.

GG
There is no need for guilt. You have every right to your feelings and to express them. ESPECIALLY in therapy. Your T can take care of her feelings, they're hers and it's her job. If I contributed to you feeling guilty at all, I am very sorry. Not my intention at all, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. My comments were just about the communication being more effective.

AG,

No your response did not contribute to my guilt at all. I thank you very much for your suggestions and feed back. I guess I just don't feel like I have a right to ask someone to change to fit my needs even if my needs are valid. Somehow those needs shouldn't even exist. I should be able to handle myself.

Hi GG,

I struggle with feeling like I should be able to handle myself and my feelings every single day.

T reminds me that “should” will cause me a lot of pain, so I try to rephrase my should statements with “This is how I feel…” Period. It’s a tough exercise and one I’m not good at, yet.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to read your letter, but I, too, struggle with asking for something or sharing any feelings I have. I’m sloooowly learning that being in a growing relationship means sharing honest feelings with the other person. I have a right to feel what I feel. I often feel I don’t have a right to ask for anything, but I have an easier time convincing myself I do have a right to my own feelings. T often reminds me that I don’t give him a chance to respond to my feelings because 1 - I don’t share them and 2 - I’ve already decided for him how he will respond. He asks me if I could let him decide how to respond to my feelings instead of assuming the worst possible response (I do this often). We’ve been working on this for months and I think I’m just starting to understand it now.

As I take tiny winy baby steps in sharing my feelings, I’ve gained a tad of confidence to ask for some things. If you don’t feel comfortable asking for something, maybe sharing how your T’s actions make you feel could feel a little safer. You are entitled to feel what you feel and share how you feel in your therapeutic relationship or any relationship. I know this is risky, so I’m sending some courage your way.

Thank You Passion Fruit. I feel like I have hit a brick wall Regrouping is in order.