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3 replies

is this projection, projective identification or something else?

L lieseMember
I just started a new, part-time low-paying job just to get myself back into the work force. I was talking to my T about how it felt when I saw people that I know from my community there and what I thought they thought when they saw me working there. Of course, it was all negative.

My T said, you realize you are projecting aren't you? But when I started to really think about it, I wasn't sure it was projection because in general, these are thoughts I think people have about me. It wasn't about a specific feeling that is too uncomfortable but rather about how I feel about myself in general.

And, what happens, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think people are thinking these things about me and then behave differently towards them which then somehow reinforces what I thought they were thinking about me - that's why I thought it might be more along the lines of projective identification.

Any thoughts?
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avoidantavoidantMember
((((Liese))))

Firstly; WELL DONE for getting back into the workplace. You must feel great for having done that.

I wonder if it's 'prediction' rather than projection? Maybe you are trying to predict what people think when they see you working there, which is impossible to do and only makes those false conceptions appear to come true to you.

How YOU feel about yourself working there is what matters, and then you can project that feeling out towards others and hopefully they will reflect that back to you. If you are happy and pleased to be working there, show them you are; tell them you are, if you can.
B bltMember
quote:
How YOU feel about yourself working there is what matters


Ditto.

One theme I see over and over again with you Liese is feeling "less than" other people and unworthy. So naturally you assume other people are thinking about and judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. What if your worth as a person has nothing to do with where you are working, and what if other people really don't care about it?
L lieseMember
(((AV)))

Thanks for the congrats and support. Of course how I feel about it is what matters. Wish I could get that through my thick head.


(((BLT)))

quote:
One theme I see over and over again with you Liese is feeling "less than" other people and unworthy.


My first response was to say, "wow, how did she know that?" Then I wondered, "wow, is it that obvious?"

quote:
What if your worth as a person has nothing to do with where you are working, and what if other people really don't care about it?


Do you think other people really don't care? I would love to believe that. I think other people's comments to me over the years are stuck in my head. A big step forward for me was becoming aware of those thoughts. It hasn't been easy though I am becoming more and more aware of the thoughts and constantly challenge myself when they occur.

Even if people don't care, they have to be at least curious, right? I know I don't owe anyone any explanations but that's another hard one to overcome.

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