It can be quite hard to tell whose stuff is whose sometimes, can't it? I seem to absorb other people's stuff like a sponge and it really doesn't help the situation. You can't really deal with it effectively if it wasn't yours to begin with.

Liese,

I think projective identification would suggest that someone is provoking their emotions in another person and the person didn't have those emotions at all. I would imagine that in your case both you and your husband have emotions that resonate with each other not projected. I also think to recognize projective identification a person would have to very aware of their own reactions and emotions in order to recognize someone else's emotions. When I read about projective identification it is usually T's who recognize their patients emotions.

My husband and I have a very similar dynamic in which he is much calmer and minimizes his emotions and I think for years he was able to do that because I was emotive enough for both of us. As my relationship has changed over the last couple of years (we have both been in therapy individually) we have been able to even out so he is more expressive and I've been more even-keeled.

you have a lot of interesting threads going right now and I'm not going to comment on all of them. I wanted you to know I was reading and I'm glad your T is being so steady and reassuring even while you are pulling away.