((((((YAKU))))))

So glad for you.


xoxo

Liese

Yakusoku how long did it take you to get to that place?
I think that's a really good sign, congrats!!!

It only took me about 18 months to get to that place...and only about 12 hours to lose it. I'm scared to death to talk to him tomorrow. I think I broke things badly.

Nah, you're just doing three steps forward, two steps back. It's the official dance of therapy!

Happens to the best of us. The good news is now that you've found that place once, it will get easier to get back there.

Great work!!

Well, today was a little better. I was able to cognitively push myself through the emotional certainty that he was going to judge, reject certain things I was saying and shared some self-analysis and some vulnerable stuff too. We had a nice Skype session and while there wasn't a huge sense of connectedness (now that we sit close physically in office sessions, it's hard NOT to feel disconnected on the phone), there was a HUGE sense of him understanding me and making connections (either getting ones I have made before more deeply or making connections I hadn't really made yet that helped me). At one point, I reacted with self-invalidation and outright denial to something and he said, "I know you don't feel XYZ, but I bet as I made that statement, someone inside was thinking, __________." It was like he read my mind. Poet had literally said verbatim exactly what he guessed only 30 seconds before that and I shoved it away too quickly to even pay attention to it. That sense of being so deeply known that even my heavily dissociated thoughts and feelings are understood and empathized with in spite of my being unable to accept and share them myself...it is, well, miraculous, in a way.