Jill, I think with hard work, dedication, and a willingness to stick with it....change IS possible, even at your core.

It won't happen overnight, and there may even be times when you regress back to unhealthy behavior, but you CAN change for the better/healthier.

It is possible that you may always need to be on medicine, but feeling less entitled than others and having low self-confidence...those are choses that you make for yourself and you CAN overcome those beliefs with some work.

The important thing to know is that in order to change, you really have to believe you can change. The more you doubt the possibility, the less likely you will be to achieve it. So embrace the idea that you can change, that you can get better.

Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction and/or vision boards? Perhaps it would be a good exercise for you to work on a vision board that reflects the life and mindset of the person you want to be. Review it every night before you go to bed and every morning upon waking up. The more you can see and feel the emotions that that person experiences, the more you will become that person.

Jill,

I really do think it is possible at any age. I think that it isn't a quick process, but any move that you are making in a positive direction is a move worth making. It won't happen all at once, but step by step you are getting there. I'm glad to hear that you have the meds worked out and they are providing at least the feeling of being ok-ish. (((hugs)))

Hi Jill

quote:

will it always be this way??
how 'healthy' can i expect to get???

Honestly Jill I can't give an answer and doubt anyone can

quote:

you know, i am ok-ish on my medicine (wellbutrin and effexor) and a wreck off

What can I say here but if the meds help stay with them, why put yourself through more pain without them?

quote:

i am so doubtful, at my age, 40, ((((+10)))), that true core change is going to happen. i think i will always brace myself when i sense even remote abandonment...i will always be anti-social...i will always be low in self confidence

Well, at 50 (+12) I understand your doubt and your feelings so well - I guess because of returning to therapy (after 35 or so years) I'm **very** slowly, cognitively, trying to come to terms with the fact that, for me, some of these things will not change, and, in some ways also, that's my choice and what I need to learn is how to emotionally accept what is and still find ways of living a meaningful life - if only for my beloved dog
My dear T knows that in the past my life goals have been directed towards service of others but somehow everything fell by the wayside and apart from working full time, isolated myself from life. She invited me to join a volunteer group, of which she's a member, serving Christmas lunch to less able and socially isolated people!! I did go, for all kinds of reasons and knowing she'd be there gave me strength. It was a good day and my **outgoing, gregarious** self (who I've always hated in social situations) was needed and very much came to the fore and I haven't beaten myself up too much about that (yet!)
What am I trying to say here? I guess it really is that regardless of how well we become there may always be *tinges* of old feelings an habits when triggered but along the way in our therapy we’ll learn to keep things in perspective by taking the pressure off ourselves and learning how to care for ourselves, which is probably something no-one ever did in our *littlie* years

I may well have gone way off track here Jill and if so, please forgive me.
Go gently
Morgs