issues in therapy

darockMember

hi list,
happy 2011.
i find myself thinking back to a post i read on a different message board regarding some issues with a therapist. at the time,the person mentioned having left a therapist and starting therapy with a new therapist at some point after leaving the first therapist. the thing i remember from that post is the person having said that she now feels there would have been an opportunity to do more work on herself if she stayed with the first therapist. these are my words, but it sounded to me like the person may have felt that it was a mistake to leave the first therapist without uncovering the reasons behind leaving.

i find myself in a situation where i am in therapy with an analyst, and the work we do is deep. we talk a lot about my childhood, i feel that she is empathic and i also feel that we uncover a lot of reasons for my feelings.
however, during the course of this therapy, i have turned to self medicating the feelings with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. every 3 or 4 months, we uncover something and get closer and rage ensues and uncertainty kicks in and i reach for drugs and alcohol and go on a binge for a short period of time.

i sometimes feel that my therapist is more interested in her training as an analyst and being that i think i am one of a few analytic cases she has, i sometimes feel like she cares about me but i am also some kind of experiment for her and she is more interested and focused on analysis than she is on my well being.

i am considering leaving this therapist but i am concerned that i am turning my back on potential for growth. i have a therapist i can work with to continue to do some of the work on myself but it will be less intensive, only 1x per week rather than 3x per week and will also be more cognitive type therapy rather than analytical.

some of my concerns relate to the currently therapy while being helpful in the sense that i uncover some things from my childhood, its also destructive in the sense that i turn to harmful self medicating behaviors. i guess i dont know if the behaviors would cease if i stopped the therapy but i do know that for 2 years before i started the work with this therapist, i did not engage in these behaviors but during my teen years i did. for the past 4 years of working with this therapist, i have been unable to stop the behaviors for a longer period of time than a few months.

i am curious to hear what others think about this. thank you.

12/30/107:57 PM

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cncMember

Hi Da Rock,

I am wondering if you have told your therapist about turning to drugs and alcohol when things get too deep? What is her reaction? Would it be helpful to you to talk about why you are turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with the emotions that are coming to light? Do you need her to help you find/develop some other coping mechanisms? I know that there are times when I have done the same. I talk about it with my therapist, about drug and alcohol use, especially when it is directly related to something that has happened in therapy. I let him know what is going on, because like you, it bothers me that I need to use booze to cope with my emotions.

I think it is important to look at the amount, intensity and length of your "binges". Are you having a couple of drinks in your downtime? or is it all the time? Is it effecting your ability to work or be with your family? I know that when I have turned to alcohol or drugs it has been to escape my "downtime", times when my mind isn't occupied with work or other activities. When my mind can race to those negative thoughts and emotions and I need some time to escape, which is fine. We all need some down time, even from our own emotions. But at the end of the rough patch, I come out stronger and with a greater understanding of myself.

As for your therapist, all I can say is you are in charge of your therapy. Have you considered taking a break? Or reducing your sessions but staying with her? Do you tell her how you are feeling about her? Is this part of the theraputic process for you? I know that this is part of the process for me, telling my therapist how I am feeling about him and about therapy. If you haven't told her she probably isn't aware and if she knew, things might change?

As harsh as this sounds it is important for us to remember that we are paying customers in therapy. Your time with your therapist is your time to do with as you wish. Talk about your goldfish, your family, your feelings about her & therapy, Look for help to develop other coping mechanisms to deal with Negative emotions.

I think you should talk to your therapist about your desire to leave and why. As hard as i find it do, I know that talking about how I am feeling about my therapist and about therapy is an important and yucky part of the process.

I hope this helps,

Catnip

12/31/105:58 AM

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darockMember

hi catnip. thanks for the reply. nice to hear from you.

my binges last anywhere from a day or so to several weeks. it all depends on how much time i have off. and when i binge, i just go into hiding. my life stops. but i do it only when i am on vacation. its really bad. there is nothing healthy about it. i do tell her. she says you shouldnt do that and need to find a way to stop. i find her really unhelpful in this regard.

she knows quite well how i feel. i go off on her from time to time. i tell her i think its not helpful. she always turns it into me being afraid of being close to her. like she thinks i feel angry and scared when i get closer to her and thats why i may want to get high or drunk.

and i think in part that is true. but i also think that maybe its not good for me. i will certainly talk to her about this. i dont hold back with her. when i feel this way i am open about it. i dont try to hurt her. well sometimes i do. but usually i just try to tell her how i feel.
thanks catnip.

12/31/106:18 AM

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darockMember

thanks UV. i am also working with a CBT therapist and it is quite different. i am in the process of deciding which therapist to stick with. i am 35 years old.
how do you know all of this stuff? does your T tell you you are playing out some kind of neurosis? i am in school to be a therapist and my T never explains to me what stage we are at, etc.

i would continue to work with my current T if I was able to get my behaviors under control. i feel like i am going to die from abusing my body at the expense of trying to understand myself.

have a good new years. thanks for your input UV. i will keep you posted.

12/31/101:11 PM

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darockMember

thanks for that link. and thanks for the info.
that list should keep me busy for a while.
i can totally relate to reading about psychology as a coping mechanism. all the best to you.

1/1/1112:46 AM

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darockMember

UltraViolet or others....
Questions for you.
If the transference neurosis keeps coming up, but does not get resolved, then at some point, isnt it the therapists fault? what if the therapist is not acting differently enough from the parents?

Let me be more specific. The main issue is not that the therapist uses me to fill her needs in a self gratifying way.

The main issue is that I feel that the therapy is not that helpful. And this comes up over and over again. It has come up for 3 years. 3 times per week. There are times that I do feel it is helpful. However, by and large, I do not feel that I have changed that much. I tell this to my therapist repeatedly. She comes back to tell me that I have changed, that its hard for me to connect with how I have changed and that it is difficult for me to remain connected to the warmth and progress in our relationship.

I see her responses as similar to what my mom would do. Blame me for something that I feel is not my fault.
"im not changing, this therapy helps sometimes but i think i could do much better with either another therapist or no therapist at all. i want to be better than i am and i feel that i could be much better off if i had the right therapist"
"you are better off. youve said it yourself at times. do you remember the session you said you didnt want to leave? do you remember the time you said gosh this is great, i dont know why i want to leave therapy with you."
"yes I remember these things but it feels that more often, i am not happy with the therapy."
"oh. that is interesting. i think that is because its easier for you to feel that way than to connect with the progress youve made"

so is this a transference neurosis? if so, how?

1/4/117:37 PM

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bban859fMember

So what did you do? Update, please?

8/23/129:35 AM

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