Mothers and my sexuality has often been the point of discussion in therapy. In mothers day society insisted that women get married and have kids. It was the "norm" thing to do for societies acceptance of women.

When the days came for me to identify with my mothers sexuality it was both confusing and scary. At that time I sensed that my mother was the boss over my father, and that he in fact was the weaker sex. Mother was not at all the most feminine women to identify with either. I have had dreams of father in a dress, and mother with an extra appendage. Also, my parents modesty prevented inquisitive eyes from distinguishing one parents sexuality from another.

Aged approximately 3_5 yrs my fathers approach and any displays of affection by him were rebuked by both me and my mother. I sensed my mothers hostility towards me, and kept my father at a distance. I couldn’t afford anymore rejection from her. At that time it was safer to dress in my fathers overalls than to wear my mothers shoes. Dad turned his back on me forever and mother once again kept the peace.


I had already been rejected as an infant, and what ever sense of me being female like my mother between then and aged 4 was seriously in doubt. I was asexual, and am now convinced my mother was too.

As a child, I sensed my mothers dislike of my fathers affection towards her. I felt it was wrong of him to make mother so angry.

Mother gave me many clues about her convenient, yet unhappy marriage. She was dead set on passing on what had been learnt in it onto her daughters. If she wasn't happy in marriage no way would her daughters be.


I never felt it necessary to sleep with any female other than my cat. Fantasy with emotion kept me safe from rejection. It was safer to identify and pretend to be accepted by a female in that manner than to risk being labelled as gay. My bits and pieces tell me I am a women, but I am still not 100% sure what side of the fence I am on. It's difficult to decide when one is incapable of giving and receiving love.

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