I haven't posted for a long time because I've been struggling with my T. The week before Christmas I got angry with my T about the fact he talked to my prescribing doctor about my weaning off my antidepressant. We discussed it but I wasn't happy with the conversation but I was leaving for my vacation so I sent him an email telling him I needed to talk about it more in January. When I got back neither of us brought it up. Other things happened and my T was taking his vacation at the end of January so I spent 3 weeks not wanting to get into anything heavy before he left and just feeling unheard.

While he was on vacation, my husband and I had the worst fight of our marriage so when he came back that was what we talked about. After that crisis I just feel like I can't talk to him anymore. I feel like he is ignoring me by not talking about things I wrote in emails and when I can't talk in session he just brings up other things so now we have a collection of things brought up and on the table but not discussed. I feel we avoid things by talking about new things (my parenting, my kids, my marriage).

Last night after my session I left him a voice mail telling him how upset I was and how I didn't feel like I could keep talking to him because I couldn't say what I needed to say. Today I didn't hear from him to my surprise (usually he would contact me before he starts in the morning or over lunch) and at 4:15pm I called to leave a message telling him I was upset I hadn't heard from him and he answered his phone. He said his client was late and he had heard his message. I was so surprised he was there I nearly dropped the phone. I was in the lobby of the ice rink (my kids were in class) so I really couldn't talk much. He asked me if I could put my thoughts in an email and asked what had really bothered me (part of my message was that something he said in session had really upset me and I hadn't told him). I mumbled a few replies and said okay.

After I got off the phone I was so angry that he was at work and hadn't returned my phone call or sent me an email. Now I feel completely ignored and worthless. So I went to my car and called and left him a message saying I wasn't writing him an email because we would just ignore the email and I was tired of being ignored. Then I cancelled my appointments for next week and told him I wasn't coming back. I admitted that it was my fault because I hadn't been able to talk in session about things but I was done. Of course he didn't reply and now it is night and he only replies during office hours.

I think it's probably a good decision to stop therapy because it wasn't working but it is breaking my heart. I trusted him and I thought he cared.