quote:

It's about control.

Or losing control.?

Losing it, giving it up, having it taken away.

Having no choice.

All triggering.

TN

I'd be interested to hear what additional thoughts you come up with, TN.

I have massive control issues. They manifest sometimes as expectations that I will project other people have. Or, I will give myself a bizarre set of rules to follow. I don't like to lose control over situations (which slowly I've learned are not within my power - I still hold on to some, such as believing it's me as a being that caused issues in my childhood) and I especially don't like to feel out of control with myself.

Bane of my therapy I tell you... slowly, I have been tamed, 0.0000000000001% at a time. I'm glad you got a chance to spar with your T, after those sessions I find the relationship gets stronger. If someone can't hold their end in a little bit of contention I don't trust them.

Rejection is the trigger to anger/rage.

You were the cause of your anger in childhood Cat? Clever Cat.

completely helpless and powerless

I can relate to control issues. They are at the center of my therapy, I think. They stem from witnessing my brother have no control over himself and his body during seizures. But they've grown to encompass so much of my life. Must not let anyone see me cry. Must not lose control and show my vulnerability. Must not show anyone too much emotion, either way. Must not be seen.

But slowly, I'm taking down my wall of control I hide behind. I'm trusting my T more (almost completely??) and I've cried in front of her. That was such a milestone because it meant so much more than just crying. Anyway, before I make this too much about me...yes, control issues are very difficult to deal with. Especially when you feel like it's life or death, ya know. I'm glad you could let out some emotion during T in such a safe space. ((TN))

also, when I have started to ease up on my control and shown some vulnerability, it triggers intense shame. Do you think that's happening with you in T now? I find my inner child/younger parts quite shameful. It's so hard.

......'But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
And they turn your dreams to shame.....'Les Mis

Muff... are you trying to make a point here about something?

"I think we hit on something when discussing my anger. It's about control."


Yes TN, I have been for the last couple of months in here.

Just waiting for your thoughts on anger. I'm not sure they would be any different than mine.

As for the quote above. I see the 'tigers' as my parents who took away my childhood with no love and turned my future into feelings of shame.

What's so wrong with needing to feel some control in one's own life? Isn't that universal? I suppose when the urge to control spills over into meddling with other people's rights, that can be a problem. But yielding up personal control that is rightfully yours seems more pathological to me.

Some people have a right to lose control of their anger, especially if that anger was put there by someone else in the first place.

lack of control leads to rage and fear. Fear that others will betray my trust, reject, hurt and abandon. Rage that I can't make others do what I want or need and having to have faith and put my heart out there for a possible stabbing fest.

Does your T have that knife too GE?

thoughts to you the weekend, too TN