Is this like a British thing to say? Somehow I picture Haley Mills saying something like this in the Original Parent Trap. Or Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music.

LG,
You know her best obviously, but maybe she was just trying stress that it really was ok by adding the "perfectly." To me, it seems more reassuring than just "it's ok." *sigh* This is probably not helpful at all, just my opinion. Why not ask her? I know easier said than done when you already feel like she might be annoyed. When will you talk with her again?
seablue

I talk to her tomorrow, SB.

She is pretty open to outside contact, so I doubt she is as annoyed as I imagine. I think it is perhaps me who is annoyed with myself and I am projecting that she is annoyed with me. I hate when I am so needy/clingy.

LG,
I have often used the phrase "perfectly ok" and it's definitely to convey extra reassurance. Kind of it couldn't be MORE ok. I think your T was letting you know it really wasn't a problem.

AG

hm, me too..I think it's definitely extra assurance...especially by text- where if it were me, I would read a plain "it's ok" as a kind of long-faced version of "it's not ok."

Sounds like she really is ok with it. Perfectly so!

Ok, thanks everybody for the replies. I'm thinking you are right, that it was just extra reassurance. She's really a sweet person who encourages outside contact so I doubt she was annoyed with me. Like I said, I was probably just projecting my own annoyance with myself.

T almost always uses "perfectly OK" or "very OK" with me for the same reasons, LG. I agree with everyone else. She wants it understood that it REALLY is OK, not just the, "It's OK..." (and here we project, "Well, not really, but not beyond my ability to put up with as a T."). So, I think she wanted to cut off any negative interpretation that a less emphatic statement might inspire in your mind.

Well, despite her very kind effort to reassure me, I wrote her back, "No. Its not ok. I've practically taken up residence in your phone. Its creepy and scary to be this dependent and attached to someone. We need to cut the umbilical cord".

she wrote back, "OK". so I guess she agrees.

It felt good to send that. I feel like I was honest about how even though it is ok on her end, it doesn't feel good on my end to be so needy. Oh how I wish she'd just change her phone number. Or get a restraining order!!! lol

I think the text you sent put her in a place where she kind of had to say, "OK!"

If she says, "No, that's not true! Everything really is fine," then she is invalidating your feelings of disliking your dependency and attachment. Ideally, if it were in session or a good time for an extended conversation, she might redirect with a question. My T would probably respond (in person), "What feels creepy and scary about being dependent?" And then he would probably ask if I could just let myself be needy and dependent without self-castigation. He would ask what it would feel like to allow myself to do that. And he would say something about how we were designed to approach God in a totally dependent, child-like way. But, over text? My T probably just wouldn't respond to that particular text, unless I was really freaking out.

It's good that you're honest about how it feels to be dependent. I have the same feelings about it. I wrote a joke about my T getting a restraining order if I became any more dependent in one of my emails and it randomly popped into his head at the end of last week's session and made him laugh, because it was so ridiculous it was funny to him, and also "cute." Yes, my T often calls things I say or the way I look at things or my personality in general "cute." Not a way I ever saw myself.

Anyway, in this case, I would read her "OK," to mean, "OK, I understand you feel uncomfortable with your level of dependence and I don't want to invalidate those feelings or your desire to be more independent if you feel that's what you really want and need. BUT, the texting is still OK with ME."

hmmm...can I be honest? I personally think this is just where texting and email has become problematic (for me) and maybe you. Such short messages can be taken in a million different ways. her OK, sounds just like something my T would have responded with. I would have taken it to mean ""whatever, I don't care." Yaku took it differently. do you see what I'm driving at? It is the most likely that she meant it in a positive sense, however it is impossible without seeing her face and reading her body language, to know that for sure.
I don't email my T anymore. It got too complicated. But, I was lucky- something happened that made it so my emails don't get through anymore, which T swears he didn't do.

(((((LG)))) I'm not saying stop texting. I just would try real hard not to do any processing of emotions that come up over text, but try to use it as a way to check in, kind of a "just need to know you are there, and that you care" kind of thing. Or for scheduling or other practical matters. I know how hard it is though.

(((Lg)))

BB,

I took it how you would have taken it (to mean whatever, I don't care) so then I texted her back and said I want to terminate my therapy. UGH! I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. Seriously. I dont' understand why I did that I texted her that I was sorry and that I feel like I am having a mental breakdown but I have not heard back from her.

anyway, I agree...texting/emailing can leave so much open to interpretation..and with me, it is usually the worst possible interpretation that I go with.

LG, is it possible to just tell her, "I heard your 'OK' to mean that you don't care. Can you clarify for me, so I don't get stuck in a spiaral here?" Sometimes I need to do that with T. Let him know how I'm hearing things and that I know it might be in my head and let him get me back on track. I can understand how that would be hard in "breakdown" state though. I usually just keep texting him and going crazy.

LG- I *really* don't think she meant "whatever, I don't care..." I just know that's how I would have taken it. But I also know she didn;'t mean it that way. She doesn't have to work with you LG- that is a choice she is freely making, and nobody is forcing her to do so. So that is a sign that she cares- she clearly wants to work with you.
I don't think that you have to terminate your therapy. Take a few deep breathes and text her, or better yet, call her- and say that you are feeling really bad and need a few minutes of her time to calm down.

Today is really not my day for therapists!

I still have not heard back from T1 after I texted her that I want to terminate and I think I am having a nervous breakdown. That was like 8 hours ago. Pretty sure she's pissed that I terminated via text.

*banging head against wall* Why, oh why, do I dig myself into holes?

quote:

I guess what I'm suggesting is... if you imagine your t SAYING it... would it sound annoyed?? That helps me sometimes because I know I sound like a huge bitch sometimes but really in voice I'm nice.

good advice, DF. I should have done that earlier today before I spiraled out of control. I cannot imagine T1 saying it in an annoyed tone of voice. But I allowed myself to believe that was how it was intended. And downward I spiraled.

((((LG))))) It will be OK. T thought I was quitting from a text I sent last week and we were able to clear it up. I'm sorry stuff with T2 is happening when you are already freaked out about T1. That has to make things so much harder.

I never did hear back from her.

quote:

Originally posted by deepfried:
and T2?

WTF Ts get it together.

I know! Seriously...I think they both hate me or something.

BG,

The way things were left yesterday were I texted her to quit therapy, then immediately followed up with a text saying I was sorry, I think I"m having a nervous breakddown. She texted back, "Nervous breakdown? r u ok?" and I wrote back adn said, "NO, i am not ok. I'm not thinking clearly and feel like I'm losing it". She never texted back.

So then early this morning i texted her, "Why did I not hear back from you"

She wrote me just now saying, "I'm sorry. I meant 2. I have a sinus infection and my head is so full of stuff I can't think. really sorry. had nothing 2 do with you. how are you today?"

I'm sort of hurt that I was forgotten about, but I also understand she is not feeling well. I wrote back, "feel better soon". Its all I could manage to get out.

LG,

It doesn't sound like she forgot about you, but rather she was sick and couldn't think clearly. Remember a few weeks back when my T responded with just a smiley (which wasn't appropriate) and I was hurt? She was sick, but I didn't know. I have since told her that if she could just text "not feeling well" or something like that it would help so I would know it isn't about me, but she just can't be in the head space she needs to respond. It sounds like it was crappy timing with your feelings vs her sickness. I hope that you can talk to her and resolve things.

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
LG,

It doesn't sound like she forgot about you, but rather she was sick and couldn't think clearly. Remember a few weeks back when my T responded with just a smiley (which wasn't appropriate) and I was hurt? She was sick, but I didn't know. I have since told her that if she could just text "not feeling well" or something like that it would help so I would know it isn't about me, but she just can't be in the head space she needs to respond. It sounds like it was crappy timing with your feelings vs her sickness. I hope that you can talk to her and resolve things.

THank you for the reminder, STRM. I really needed to hear that right now before I spiraled into self-loathing and worthlessness mode.

T1 and I talked today and I am feeling better about things. I was hurt that she forgot about me yesterday, but I also realize that she has been there for me sooooo many times on weekends and week nights. She's only human and she's going to make mistakes from time to time.

Today in therapy, T1 asked me, "I think I already know the answer to this, but I want to ask you anyway. Are you attached to me?" and I said, "yes". She said, "Does that scare you?" and I said, "Yes".

The conversation sort of faded into something else from there, but I find myself wanting to go back to that. I want to ask her, "Is it okay to be attached to you? Is it dangerous? What do you think? How do I deal with these feelings?"

I sort of want to tell her how strong the attachment is, but I am worried I might freak her out. I'm not even sure I can put it into words. I want to tell her that I resent her for not being able to be my friend, not being able to be a part of my life without me paying her money, etc. But I also feel resistant to have this conversation with her because its one that I'm sure she's had a 1000 times with other clients and I don't want to just be yet another client who is hopelessly attached.

quote:

Originally posted by deepfried:
I'm glad things worked out with this LG.

I hope you guys can talk more about being attached.... has your T given you any psychoeducation about what 'being attached' is from her theoretical point of view?

No, but that's a good place for me to start. I could ask her about that. Mostly she has just talked about how difficult it is for me to form attachments to people because of my past (my father was my attachment figure and he died a few weeks after my 16 bday and my mom was not really there for me growing up). So we haven't really talked about theories regarding attachment. Mostly just have been talking about how scary it is for me.