Sky I think I know how you feel. My T at the end of session always says "well do you need to come back?" And I am just floored every time. Of course I do but this last time I almost said no because I was feeling he didn't want me there. I think this is me projecting though.

I feel he knows I need to be there but he also knows I was never able to have a voice or any choices so maybe that's why he does it? I hope so anyway. I plan on bringing this up but I only have 1 more appt before a break. I am going on vacation and then he is so I don't want to end the last session before the break with that question.

There are a lot of things we have only skimmed but I know he is allowing me the room and the safe ness of him before pushing me to far. Maybe it is the same for your T? Maybe they just want to know that you have the choice.

I am looking forward to what others think as well.

I'm not sure why your T would say things like that unless she wants to raise your anxiety level and have you dwelling on whether or not you are welcome there. I would ask her why she keeps saying that because it's not helpful to you at all.

I, personally, find it most helpful to do therapy when I have standing appointments so scheduling is not an issue I have to have anxiety over. I am fortunate in that I can afford to see T twice a week but even with oldT I had a standing Monday afternoon appointment. We never even discussed whether I was coming back--- it was a given. With current T he reassures me that I am welcome there as long as I want to be there and it's up to me. This removes one anxiety from my mind and I can then use my energy to focus on other issues. This is my preference and my experience and what I find works best for me.

If you can manage it, I would say to T to put you in her book every week or every other week or whatever you prefer. Tell her you will let her know when you will stop coming. Then the issue is off the table and you can rely on when you will see her and then you can relax and talk about other things.

Wishing you the best
TN

I think it would be very scary for me to feel secure in therapy if my T kept asking me that. I hope you are able to talk about it with her.

Yes, I think it's important to bring up my therapy termination resentments directly to T. I'm guessing that talking about end of therapy is her way of goading me some. But I think it's foul play. My inner child is regressed to a two yr. old, and T talks about endings. She knows I'm not near ready to end but just have a lot of fear to talk about regression. There should be another way to prod me.
And, ConfusdEmotions, it would be devastating if my T asked after every session if I NEED to come back. I would just have to say something about that, it sounds so dismissive. Fortunately I have regular weekly appts, but at a clinic where people are seriously hurting and I would feel guilty just to go for fun. T asked how I will know when I'm done, and I said "When I'm bored and don't want to come to therapy anymore" I asked if that were OK and she said yes.
Sometimes I wonder if this termination talk is expressing the therapist's anxiety that I might want to stop prematurely, and it's to soothe the T's own anxiety. Deep transference cuts both ways, you know. I hope that's right !!

Skylynx,

Do you think asking "how you know when you are done" might be her way of asking "What are your goals?" What do you want to accomplish in this therapy? I agree the way she is asking is triggering but maybe it is just her way of trying to get you to set some goals and ways to measure progress toward those goals.

Just a thought.

Jillann

My greatest hope, honest and truly, is to live forever in the Snoopy dog house she has under her desk.