Just last week I finally started submitting job applications after avoiding it for a year and a half.

Tonight I was supposed to have an online "audition" for teaching standardized test prep. I prepared and prepared for it, was nervous but OK going in, then in spite of testing everything before hand, ran into some stupid technical glitch. As a result, they told me I would have to reschedule and kicked me out of the room (it was a group audition thing.)

So really, this is just a stupid frustrating setback, but I cried over it!! This is an example of why looking for a job is way more painful for me than it actually should be. It felt like some part or parts of me were taking it as an actual rejection and evidence that I'm a worthless human who will always be shunned or something. Plus I was reliving awful memories of looking for a job during the worst part of the recession and how alone I felt, and how every time I talked on the phone to my dad, he would tell me to find a job and I would actually feel suicidal.

Anyway, just needed to vent about that. I guess this is where I land on my ass, crawl back to therapy, work it out and then get up and try again...