I have done this sorta with my DBT T, but mostly it was me talking. I re-wire my parental experience with other exercises. I think I would cry, too! I hate pretend talking, I know at the beginning of my therapy whenever any gestalt work like that came up said no way. In DBT group I had to pretend to be someone's Mom, and someone's friend so they could practice skills.

I haven't done this directly, but my T frequently says caregiver-like things as it is, mostly things to about me being valued, precious and cared about. My two reactions are arguing with him or (fighting off, though less recently) silent tears.

Thanks for the replies.

((Cat)) It was so weird, because it wasn't actually pretend talking (which I would hate too!) but I don't know...she just started talking as if she were my mom. I would find some of those DBT exercises really hard to do. Awkward and hard. I'm not one for role playing!

((yaku)) omg, I can relate. My T has definitely said various caregiver-like things too...and I don't believe her. I argue sometimes but mostly just look down and shut down. So maybe this was her attempt to take it one step more? Like, actually putting herself in my mom's shoes. It made me cry, but was also..I don't know..weird I guess. Thank you for responding to my thread when you're going through a rough time at the moment. Hugs, yaku.

((Daggers)) It's so hard to believe them when they say nice things. I wish it weren't so difficult for both of us. But I guess if it were that easy, we'd be out of therapy in a couple months! And that's definitely not happening for me I would absolutely HATE chair work. I had a professor several years ago who was a therapist and very into chair work. It always seemed so awkward to me. That would have been intense...like, did she announce she would be your mother? I think it would be harder if she told you she was going to "play" your mother. Wow, I'm impressed that you did that with your T many times.


((SP)) whoa...I can only imagine being a teenager and having a T that wants to do Gestalt therapy techniques. That would be too much for me too! Like you, even though I understand the theory behind it, doing it is a whole other thing! That was gutsy of your old T to try that with a teen haha. My T does IFS. I also really like the theory behind that...but being the client doing IFS is SO uncomfortable for me. We've put that technique on hold for now, because I just can't do it without melting away in shame.

I found the whole thing comforting, in a way. The thing is...I've been struggling for months now with negative transference. I except my T to be judging me and to find me unimportant, etc etc. I am expecting her to react just how I expected my mom to react. My T is my mom's age and I've been stuck in this maternal transference for awhile. We talked about that in session. She said, I'm not your mom. Obviously, I know this. But I think I've just been so stuck, she attempted to do something a little differently. She didn't announce she was going to "play" my mom or anything like that. It just sort of happened organically. Needs and being needy are huge triggers for me. She's been so willing to fulfill my needs (obviously the ones that are appropriate to fulfill). I don't know. She keeps saying she is trying to "rework" and rewire my past. I get what she was doing. Therapy is just so damn hard!

IFS is internal family systems. It's all about the multiplicity of the mind...like we all have different parts of us. The theory says that when we experience trauma in childhood, we have young parts that get stuck there. To manage the overwhelming emotions of those parts, we have other parts that take over. These parts can use substance abuse, can self-harm, can seek perfection, control...there's many ways that our parts can seek to numb the pain of our younger, traumatized parts. It's a really interesting theory. I saw the guy who developed it speak. If you want to know more, google IFS and Richard Schwartz. Hope that helps! (that was a very abbreviated explanation )

And yes, I seriously MELT with shame. If melting were possible, I would be melting into the couch. haha. When I try to speak to and from my younger part that is suffering....HELLO shame. Then I shut down. ugh! God bless my T who has endured my trying to pull her in and then push her away over and over.

Mine hasn't "pretended" to be my mom, but she's said a lot of maternal type things which I'm sure were meant to be corrective in the same way.

If you're doing IFS and shame keeps getting in the way, I'm surprised your T didn't try working directly on the part that feels ashamed. Or have you guys tried that already?

yup, we have tried working with my various protectors and the part that feels ashamed. I feel like I'm a simple person because all roads lead to my exiled needy part, which the shame is trying to protect. I just really can't handle IFS, at least right now. My T has finally decided to respect my strong dislike of the method. Maybe sometime in the future we can work again with some of my parts...but I'm not sure I'm cut out for that. I know it can really help others though.