Just...feeling triggered.

kashleyMember

I feel bad for posting...mostly because I know I am definitely not the only one dealing with a break because of Memorial Day. I'm sorry to all who are dealing with that. Ugh. Well, I am going to a sort of interview tomorrow for a job (odd that it's on a weekend, I know, but the nature of the job is a little different). Anyway, it has to do with horses and for a bunch of reasons, that is pretty triggering for me and I'm just feeling a whole bunch of bad stuff right now and I don't see my T until Thursday next week. This job interview is a last minute thing, so my T has no idea about any of it. I don't know how to deal right now. I guess I'm posting this because I feel lonely and feel like I need someone who understands triggering stuff to know? I'm so sorry..I'll probably regret posting this (not at all because of you all...just my stuff). I know it might seem a little crazy that I applied for a job as triggering as this, but I only need a job for the summer between classes, and I have such a history with horses that it's a job I know I have a chance of getting. For better or worse, I guess. Okay, I'm just going to post now, because I think I will delete it all if I think about it anymore.

Love to all of you.

5/28/115:07 PM

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True NorthCo-moderator

Kashley... are you nervous about the interview or about the job itself? I think the best thing to do is trust to fate. If you are meant to have the job you will get it. Then if you do get it you can decide to turn it down. Maybe leaving yourself a little "out" from the commitment will give you enough breathing room to ease the anxiety of going to this interview. If you like horses it sounds like a great place to spend your time (and get paid).

Just try not to put so much pressure on yourself. I'm sorry you have to wait until Thursday to see your T. Holidays always play havoc with the schedules we have.

Good luck with the interview. Just be yourself. You will be fine.

Hugs
TN

5/28/116:55 PM

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scaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator

Kashley,

I'm sorry about the break. I'm dealing with just an extra day and it's hard. Thursday would be really tough.

I hope the interview goes well and it doesn't turn out to be as triggering as you anticipate. I agree with what TN said as well. Really good advice there.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. (((hugs)))

5/28/117:01 PM

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kashleyMember

Thanks so much TN and STRM.

I'm nervous about the job itself..I don't know. I guess I'm getting the feeling (now) that a lot of what I'm feeling is everything I have been suppressing from recent sessions with T. I've felt so, so numb for the past few months that I guess this sudden burst of feeling seems overwhelming when it really shouldn't be. Thank you, TN for reminding that I can turn down the job if I do get it. Jeez, my T even mentioned last session how hard something like this would be for me, and here I am, going for it when I should have really taken the time to discuss it in depth with my T beforehand. I feel so stupid.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I'll just deal with tomorrow and go from there. I really can't thank you guys enough. Sometimes I really get my head spinning.

5/28/117:33 PM

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ladygreyMember

((((Kashley))))

Good luck with the interview. Allow yourself to shine. I'm sure you will do wonderful.

5/28/117:45 PM

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kashleyMember

Thank you so much LG.

Okay, I'm so sorry. Let's just forget I said anything. Least of all because of what anyone else said (you're all amazing to me. Really), but just my own stuff. I don't know what's going on with me lately. Hmm..how ironic is it that I'm triggering myself even more by posting that I'm triggered?

Thanks for the support nonetheless.