Tas,

I assume this is between you and T. he explains himself well in my eyes - he is telling us exactly what he has been working on with you or trying to work on. He is saying that you are trying to control the situation - probably control everything between you and he.

Now I get why he acts like he does.

Somedays

No. Not Therapist. Husband.

Talk about kicking someone while they are down. Wow.

T.

bloody hell - you are getting it from all sides. I was hoping it was T that said it because then it sounded like an answer to the way he has been behaving and his overly tough treatment of you. But it was your Husband??? That is harsh.

I receive little support from my H.
Somedays

((tas)) ((sd)) fighting on two fronts - that is VERY VERY hard

Truly awful.

(((TAS))) I truly feel your pain. I'm so sorry that your vulnerability was not treated with the care, respect, and gentleness it deserved. You deserve better; everyone does.

If your vulnerability isn't handled with care, nothing else matters. (((TAS)))

RabbitEars

Thank you RabbitEars and Blu

I will rethink being vulnerable ever again.

T.

(((TAS))))

Your H sounds angry. What's that about? I ask because those of us with trauma backgrounds have very little emotional flexibility. I was wondering if he might not understand that about you. It sounded like that to me. I have no idea if you have emotional flexibility or not but thought I'd throw that out there.

If he wasn't angry, then that would mean he doesnt care, right?

I don't know if he is angry or not...maybe I don't have any emotional flexibility but I tell you what...I would never say that to someone who stated they were scared of losing me...

Honestly, every time I try to open up, he says something so hurtful...I shut him out...I can't keep getting hurt...I can't bear it.

T.

Tas, I know where you are at, my H has no sense of compassion or empathy. We are now separated after more than 20 years together.

Very difficult to handle and somehow H always manages to end up being a topic of discussion in sessions!

((((TAS))))

I'm so sorry that he hurt you so much. It sounds like it might be a good thing for you to acknowledge that he might not be the most sensitive person in the universe. Maybe you have been stuffing his insensitivity much to your own detriment?

Do you go to marriage counseling together? Is he willing? Would he go on his own to individual therapy?

quote:

"You were afraid of losing me? I would do what I could to never let that happen."

I have that from my H but let me tell you that that security comes with a very high price tag. IMO, it means that I have to make the same promise to H - regardless of what he does, how he hurts me or the kids or how dysfunctional he might be.

My H (I don't know about yours) does not have the ego strength to look within himself to see where he might have some weaknesses, to see why I might not want to spend time with him. He wants unconditional love - something only children can get from their parents because I don't know if I can love him unconditionally. I can't keep giving of myself just to prove to him that he is lovable when it is killing me, sucking the life out of me and destroying our home and our children in the process.

When I met my H, that security was more important to me than anything else. We both had had rocky childhoods and I think we both understood, even though we never talked about it, that we both truly needed security above all else.

Having that type of security meant that, over the years, I had to stuff my own anger towards him. It got to the point where I didn't want to live and had myself convinced that my kids didn't need me.

TAS, I know all this sucks but I see so much going on in you. Maybe feeling anger towards your T has allowed you to feel your anger towards your H, anger that will protect you?