I am just going through a very difficult patch here and I think it is this patch that has me reflecting on the past and how my life was literally saved by one simple act of kindness by a total stranger. I need to feel grateful outloud and to people because I have never told this story and it is the story that saved my life and that is why I am here today, and I want to stay here.... I really want to stay here, but right now the pain feels so intense and the only way through it is to think of and share something good.

In 1995 I was with a wonderful psychiatrist who put so much time and effort into me and who was always there for me and she was a dynamite doc I trusted inherently. I went to my med check one day and she told me that my insurance benefits ran out and that she could see me for one month for free until I could arrange something with the local clinic. I totally freaked. Insurance and not having mental health coverage is a huge trigger of mine. I was attached to her. She was just awesome. It was like my whole world shattered, my safety was taken away. I was caught in the moment of extreme fear and powerlessness and I had my prescription meds in my purse. I was going to go straight to the car and overdose on them with the water I had in the car and drive home.....

But the elevator man looked a me and saw I had tears streaming down my face... He placed his hand on my shoulder and he just smiled a comforting smile. He made eye contact with me... he said no words... Just a stranger reaching out to stranger touching me on the shoulder, daring to see my tears and offer me comfort in just a smile....

That moment changed my life... that moment saved my life. There is a person out there that saved my life and they don't even know it. I need to draw on that moment now especially because what I am going through right now is exactly what I am going through now.

I need to focus on the goodness in the world and let it sustain me somehow.