Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
3 replies

Justice and Anger

jillannjillannMember
Not to go into too much detail.... My brother has committed several crimes. These crimes have severely damaged my moms property and ruined her financially. She has Alz and I currently have her placed in a memory care facility. Because of his crimes I may have to move her to a less favorable place. There is currently an arrest warrant out for him but he is still walking around free.

I want to call the sheriff and find out what is going on with the case but I don't know if I should. I am struggling with what is justice. Brother blinded himself during the last crime. In some ways he has probably been punished already.

I have never been able to allow myself to feel or express anger. My home life was full of rage growing up. I would just become silent and hide in my closet till it was over. I just could never let myself go there. I will get irritated with my kids and I have yelled at them when they don't do chores or something. But serious anger- no way. T wants me to try writing a letter to my brother (that would never be delivered). The goal is to try to express some anger. I'm having a really hard time. I'm oscillating between a one sentence letter -dear bro I think I'm mad at you -love sis. To a long litany of all the things he has done wrong but that is not really expressing anger. It is just a list of wrongs. I don't know how to do this. I am so afraid if I do learn how to express anger that there will be no end to it.

Anyone have any suggestions.

Jillann
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

greeneyesgreeneyesMember
hi Jillian

there is no right or wrong way to go about this.
It takes time to learn how to tolerate feelings that were repressed or not allowed to be expressed or were invalidated growing up. they tend to have a super scary tag attached to them.

So remember firstly that anger is just a feeling like love, fear and sadness.

Because you're learning how to handle anger and what it means to be in contact with it, its worth experimenting with different ways of expressing or managing it. It can take time to find a way that seems to work for you. you may not get it right first time but like anything with practice you will get there.

To manage anger its important to develop a way to put it into words so I think writing a letter that will never ben sent or an uncensored journal entr where you let loose can be really helpful. Anger is a powerful emotion and acting it out (through hurting others or yourself) won't help develop a better understanding or way of managing.

Its also important to remember that anger can be legitimate (and it certainly sounds like you have good reasons to be angry) but it can also be a cover for shame, guilt, grief and hurt. Feelings that make us feel weak and get us in touch with our vulnerability and needy selves.

Hugs and good luck xx
jillannjillannMember
Well I sort of failed at the letter. T was very kind about it. She said it was a start. But that I was still turning everything back in on myself. I said things like "you really tricked me into that one", or "I can't believe I was so stupid to trust you". But that is how I feel. I feel horrible that I did not see what was happening sooner and that I let such terrible harm occur.

My new assignment is to add a paragraph to the letter each day that starts with "I feel angry, or mad, or betrayed". She doesn't want me to do too much so that I would become triggered to binge and purge. I'm not sure how well that's going to go. I have so much anxiety and a knot in my stomach just thinking about this.

I just need to realize this is a learning process for me. It may take me a lot of time. I'm a slow learner for things like this. Now complicated math problems oe science stuff - bring it on. Emotional stuff - ugh.

Jillann

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×