I'm so sorry, R2G...

((((R2G)))) That's a really tough one R2G, and it's why bosses should use their power responsibly. I think your boss was way out of line to pressure you to do something wrong. I know I would have a difficult time pushing back against that. But it sounds like it's very deeply affecting you; I hope that you can come up with a way to handle this that allows your conscious to rest more comfortably. I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position. I find secrets to be very triggering because of their use in my FOO. I read your blog post and you've made that very powerful (and counter-intuitive) connection that the only way to break the power of secret and get rid of the shame is to speak. It shows a lot of courage, R2G, you'll get through this.

AG

Thanks everyone. This will be short cause I'm replying from my phone at work. I'll reply more later. I wish I could shake it. I've been so disoriented and foggy all day, and as much as I've been trying to avoid my boss, I have to go as speak with her about something else and I'm dreading it. I just want to go home. Even my students haven't been enough of a distraction as they usually are. I should be checking math tests right now while they are in art class, but I can't focus.

I feel like this whole situation is way bigger than it should be, than others might have made it, but I can't kick it myself. And to add insult to injury, I'm still sulking from my meeting with my nutritionist last week, am dreading facing her tomorrow, and just wish I could talk to T.... Every day this week would be helpful

Thanks for the hugs BLT... sending some back to you! (((BLT)))

(((AG))) my boss was out of line, and I knew that, and T and I talked about it.. but I still had no out. It was do or die (figuratively) and I thought the pain of doing would be short lived... wrong. There's a saying I've heard "you're only as sick as your secrets" and that really hit home with me, in the most painful of ways. Some secrets that NEED to be shared, well, they can be, but not necessarily with the person/people you'd like. Some secrets (like the one my boss pulled me into) can't be shared with anyone except for my T. T, who is not on call for me 24/7, T, who I see twice a week (though it sometimes isn't enough) T, who does the best she can while I'm there, but it's up to me to hold onto and apply the skills...

(((Kansas)))

(((Echos))) Thanks for the hugs. I wish that you were close to me in real life, cause I could really use a real hug right about now. One that doesn't cost me my dignity.

I have been crying for nearly three hours now, and I can hardly breathe yet somehow I'll manage to get that two hours worth of schoolwork done for tomorrow, I'll manage to be smiley and happy at work tomorrow, and maintain that with my nutritionist, then I'll come home and collapse into a heap of tears for a second night in a row. This cycle of misery has got to end soon, right? I mean, four weeks of this is long enough, right?!