Sometimes that is the best kind of session. I appreciate having a T who will call BS when she sees it. I hope you got a lot out of your session despite how defensive it can make you feel.

NavyMe - my Ts do that sort of 'along for the ride' stuff too (client focused therapy) but I've occasionally experienced them as a bit more directive/stern. One of my Ts, who pushes me a lot, has told me there have been times I've left after session and she's not entirely sure I'm going to come back and see her again because she's felt she's pushed me (I've still always shown up for my sessions!). The thing about being direct is also being very attuned... your T has to know how far to push if you need pushing but not let you fall off the page so to speak. Your T may actually even anticipate you might need to bring this up next session My Ts know me well enough by now that they have a very good sense of when I feel 'crossed' or when I'll need to discuss something - I think I rarely surprise them. What I do in therapy is really up to me but there are some issues or things they will challenge (like irrational thinking, patterns, etc) some, if they are too triggering at the time, they won't challenge until sometime in the future hehe.

I'm sorry the butt kicking was hard, even if needed! This stuff is very good to talk to your T about.

'Hard' for sure...but not negative... I kindof needed the butt kicking in order for the point to be clear... I'm not sure what she was getting across could have been done in a more passive way.

I did ask her at the end of the session if she was frustrated with me... She looked wholly confused at the question, and indicated she clearly wasn't.

Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't felt the need to be a hard-arse with me before now.

My T is very direct, a butt-kicker and hold my feet to the fire on many occassions. He knows and admits he pushes me but then he tells me I have never failed to meet his challenges. I think a good T knows how much to push. I will tell him sometimes to back off and I push back. He's okay with that.

I really do like that he pushes me because I like challenges. I don't think I'd like working with a very passive T... or at least I don't think I'd make as much progress LOL.

Hang in there
TN

My T is not a butt-kicker with me usually, but I think he is depending on the client. However, as we've grown in the relationship, I've started identifying to him when and where it feels safe (and is needed) for him to start pushing and he is very good at doing it, but gently and also reading to back off.

I'm sorry it was hard to take it, but if it was helpful and needed, I'm glad your T has been able to do it for you. Some of the hardest things I've shared have been because T won't let me give up, invalidate, run away, but makes me stay with something that needs to be communicated. That is where most of the pushing happens.

Neither one of my T's ever really kicked my butt. I think it's because I usually push myself too hard and kick my own butt. Both of them kept trying to get me to slow down and push myself less.

My T seems to run hot and cold on this issue. She sometimes will follow my lead and be gentle and other times she will push and push until I'm over the edge. At times when I've asked her to back off she won't and she really does push too far. Many times when she is pushing I'm totally confused as to what it is that she is trying to say or wants me to realize and when I try to clarify I just get more push back (that is what it feels like).

I don't have an issue with appropriate firmness and pushing. I do have an issue with picking the worst possible time and pushing and pushing until you've gone too far.

I decided to delete my original post because I realize how strongly I feel about this topic.

What it boils down to:
1. Had too many bad experiences in the past with abuse of power

2. "Rational" vs. "Irrational" thoughts are not always cut and dried and the assignment of a thought to either category can depend on the T's perspective, culture, therapeutic schools of thought, and dogma (related) I prefer to arrive at my own conclusions with the aid of an open-minded T.

3. Directive or Passive... I propose a third "style": Synergistic. This is the only style I am interested in.

See new post.

Thanks!

My T is VERY passive. Rarely does she talk, and rarely is she direct and when she is, boy do I feel it (thus the thread on "Disproportionate Reactions"). I usually have to go home and journal and journal until it is out of my system (or post here ).

Occassionally I feel ready to "hear it" from her, so I will ask her something. Her response, "What do you think?" Sometimes that angers me and I say in response, "I knew you were going to do that." So, then she will answer my question(s). It depends, sometimes she wants to hear what I think, and then she is more than ready to say what she thinks.

Marriage-T was completely opposite....she talked and talked and lectured and told it like it was and had biases too (which made it really impossible to do what we (H and I) wanted to do in therapy, so we left her).