Hi Caeti,

I've been wondering what to say - I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of relationship, I feel extremely lucky that I've never had to deal with someone being unfaithful to me, but the pain must be awful - especially when you are in a really unsettled place in your life. It sounds like he really is not what you need right now, with so much going on inside you and such a strong need for a stable, calm environment - and such a strong need to be fully heard.

Maybe you staying in hospital would have made a difference but maybe it wouldn't have - other people are so hard to predict. Mostly it sounds like his heart is not available to you. And it sounds like the deepest need is to focus on yourself and trying to make a safe, caring place for yourself. So extremely hard to do when you have to share an apartment or be with your family.

I know it sucks to feel like you are paying for care, but sometimes professionals just do it SO much better than people who are untrained and have their own more-or-less urgent needs they are trying to get met. My T gives me things that my husband just can't, and that's where my deepest healing happens right now. It won't always be that way, but it's okay with me that it is for now.

I hope things get easier for you - you have really been going through a rough time.

J

Hof