LL,

I am so sorry to hear that. You will be in my thoughts.

((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry about it Lamplighter...I hope your cat will be ok after all. (((((LL)))))))

BB

I’m sorry lamplighter. I’ve been in your same position, I know how extremely painful this is. And having to make a decision about putting them down is often the worst part.

I’ve had people ask me why I even have so many animals when it’s so painful when the die. I think that the joy the animals brought us in their lives far outweighs the pain of them leaving. I’ve found it a tiny bit easier when I focus on how grateful and honored I am that their soul chose to cross my path, for however long that might have been.
((((((hugs))))))

Aw dear LL

I am so so sorry. Thoughts and prayers for you and your cat, that it pulls through. Of course we understand.

Enormous hug,

starfish

LL, I hope your cat will be OK. Mac is right...animals do bring so much joy into our lives, but it's very hard knowing we will out live them.

Take care and massive hugs to you.

I'm so sorry, LL. Hugs to you and your cat. I'll be thinking of you.

agent

Dear LL - I'm so sorry to read this. Please take care of yourself gently through this, it's so very difficult. I am quite sure you are very, very beloved to your cat, and that he knows you are caring for him through his illness. Thinking of you.

J

LL I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. Pets are so important to us and they give us that unconditional love we long for. I have lost two dogs in my life and each death touched me deeply and I still miss them. Part of the agony of leaving my T is leaving his very special golden retriever who has sat with me and held my hand so many times. So I do understand how hard this is. I hope things work out for you but please know we are here to share your pain and to support you through this.

Lots of hugs to you
TN

More hugs and thoughts ....

starfish x

Lamplighter
Our pets are our chosen family, I hold you and your cat up together to the great healer, this is a time for you to focus on the love you have for your furry friend and the strength to trust universal flow and order. You will be supported during this very difficult time. Know you gave unconditional love and in turn received ten fold. As surely as our hearts beat so does the circle of love continue, no matter what the outcome. I'm thinking of you friend.

LL,
I'm so sorry your facing this with your cat, I've been there too many times and it's such a difficult thing to face, especially if you have to decide to have them put down. We have always had cats and dogs, and they really are part of the family. I hate that we outlive them by so long. I hope your cat is pulling through and that you have peace about any decisions you need to make. Take care of yourself.

AG

LL - So sorry to hear about your kitty kat. I hope things work out. It is so hard when our pets are sick - they are family. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and your cat.

Smiley

Thank you so much everyone for your sympathy and support and really kind words. It’s really helped.

My pussycat survived the op - draining his lungs of fluid - though vet was really doubtful about it. This is third day he’s been home and he’s perked up a bit - but still very obviously unwell. I’m waiting for test result of the fluid later in week. But whichever disease/illness he has (potentially three) they are all terminal. So while I’m really really happy to have him for a bit longer it’s doubly painful because effectively I’m watching him die. I can’t believe that one day he was fine and the next he’s dying. Just like that, no warning at all.

I went completely to pieces and am in a weird limbo mode now - I just couldn’t handle the feelings and seem to be sitting on them, which has resulted in my feeling really really scared. Got a glimpse of the blackness of feeling profound loss and it was terrifying. Felt like I was in this alien place and everything out there, in the world, became not only meaningless but really threatening - wonder if anyone else has felt that? And feeling really bad for being so overwhelmed by MY feelings, when it’s my cat’s life not mine that’s the issue.

I don’t see T until next week and I’m damned sure I’m not going to be talking about this - I have this sense that he’ll say something in true psych style like ‘what in your past does this remind you of’ and I’m going to want to smash his head in. This is one time I do NOT want to ‘understand’ where and how and why I feel as I do, as if grieving for my cat isn’t the issue, as if it’s just a springboard for finding out what I ‘really’ feel bad about.

Oh hell just talking about it brings all these black feelings up, I’d better shut off again.

Thanks again everyone so much for your kindness, I so appreciate it.

LL

Dearest LL,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's awful, I know. I know you bond very deeply with animals, and have a great gentle love and respect for all living things, so it doesn't surprise me that the feelings are overwhelming - but still, it saddens me that you have to go through this.

quote:

And feeling really bad for being so overwhelmed by MY feelings, when it’s my cat’s life not mine that’s the issue.

It's okay to have your feelings, dear LL. We can only love other people or other creatures inside ourselves, not in them. Inside us, in our bodies, is where the love happens, in response to what we experience of them. I'm not trying to be silly or patronising here, I think this is actually hard to get one's head around at times. Because by extension, if the love happens inside us, the pain happens inside us too - it's a function of the love. So there's nothing wrong with feeling that pain inside you - it is natural, normal, unavoidable, and very much part of that very pure and unselfish love that you have in your bond with another being.

It's okay to feel the way you feel... and it's okay - more than okay - to take care of yourself in this time too. Cats are a pretty good model for this... they know how to look after themselves. It's not selfish, just natural.

love and a great big hug,
Jones

LL,

I'm so sorry this is so hard and that it is bringing up feelings that you don't understand. Sometimes I think we just need to allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling and there doesn't need to be a reason. Just let it be. ((((hugs)))

Oh, LL. Thank you for letting us know. I've been thinking about you and hoping all is ok. Sending big hugs for you during such a painful time. I hope you will be able to allow your self to grieve while also enjoying the bittersweet time you have left..Sending many hugs and thoughts your way.

Love,

BB

((((((Lamplighter)))))))

LL

Thank you for letting us know. I can totally understand your feelings at this time, it is a real rollercoaster of emotion...relief that that he pulled through the surgery, but despair at the probable outcome of the tests. And all those feelings take us to the very depths of our emotions. I am so sorry, we are rooting for you both,

starfish

Dear LL, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Please don't feel guilty for being overwhelmed by your sadness. As Jones said so beautifully above, your pain now is a function of the love. It's inevitable.

I know that, whatever the outcome, your life has been made richer by your love for your cat.

Hugs,
agent

Oh, lamplighter..
I`m so sorry i havent replied before- i have been absent myself the last days. Im SO sorry you have to face this terrible... I have no words of wisdom when it comes to grief- but LL do whatever you do to help yourself and comfort yourself and allow yourself to grief and just.. oh..i dont know ll. This is so hard.. I have a cat myself so i relate to your pain- i cant stand the thought of havin to see my cat get sick/or die. Thei`re so precious, right? I can tell that you truly love your cat so i am really sorry, ok now i am just repeating myself-


And-f^¨- if your T dares to say something like that!! (like ÿou wrote)he would be a very insensitive and totally degrading way to proceed and would only in that case exposed his own incompetence! No way- Your cat are definitly NOT "just a springboard for finding out what I ‘really’ feel bad about" I hope nobody ever meets you with that attitude ll. You deserves ALL THE BEST and warmest empathy and understanding that you can have now.

(I do doubt though that T`s would work like that.. But this is not the main topic right now-)

Lamplighter- take your Time, dont worry that you dont reply in here- (we KNOW that you are very conscientious and dutiful and generous with your replies/help and support to all of us here!)
take care of yourself now and "shop around" all the good advices that you recieve that you feel helps you a bit.

Thinking of you.
(((((ll)))))

Update

Pussy cat (aka Peeky Puss, one of his nicknames) was starting to pick up but yesterday deteriorated badly. We’ve been back and forwards to vet, who doesn’t really know exactly what’s wrong with him - seems two options are the most likely, heart failure or cancer but without further intensive and traumatizing tests at a distant animal hospital the vet can’t tell, nor does she seem able to give me any info about what to expect (so of course I’m spending all the time I’m not sitting with my cat, scouring the internet, which itself is really depressing and upsetting, and confusing).

I’ve been freaking out both about how I feel and about how distressed he is - this is a nightmare I’m totally helpless and just stand there wringing my hands and trying to keep Peeky Puss comforted, pretty uselessly. He perked up for a few minutes last night just as the Pope was speaking on tv news, I thought he might be a Catholic Cat but sadly it didn’t work when the Pope spoke again on late news. I’d believe in anything right now if it meant my Peeky Puss could smile again.

Sorry I’m not talking about anything to do with therapy here, that’s so far off my radar atm, but it really really helps me to know that you guys are here, kind and caring and supportive even though I’m not around. Reading your words of support and sympathy have kept me from going totally loopy with the fear and grief. I’ve lost five Siamese cats over the course of my life, but I’ve never had to stand by helplessly and watch one die - I cannot believe how unutterably painful and excruciating this is. Give me the pain of the past anyday.

I’ve read all the posts on here and want to apologize for not replying - so much I’d like to say to people, even have gone so far as to post some replies, but just can’t find words right now. Want you all to know that I am thinking of you (in the moments between being overwhelmed by what’s happening to my poor cat).

Could I ask those of you who pray, to send up a prayer or two for my Peeky Puss? He can do with all the help he can get, even if it’s just to make his last moments peaceful and painless.

Thanks again everyone for your support.

LL

Sending prayers for Peeky Puss and for you, too, LL...I'm so sorry. Don't worry about not posting about therapy. It doesn't have to be about therapy, it can just be about you, LL.

(((((((LL)))))))

(((((((Peeky Puss))))))

BB

PS...Pope Benedict loves cats very much...his kitties name is Chico, he adopted from neighbors...

maybe Peeky Puss was feeling the love.

BB

Dearest LL,

I feel so much for you going through this, it is extremely hard. I went through something similar a little over a year ago with my beloved kitty. We were as close as could be, she was very aged and in good health until a fairly sudden and irreversible decline. We had to decide not to have further intrusive and pointless tests and treatment - I don't know why they offer these in situations when little can be done. But you will know what is best for your kitty when you have the right information. I hope that comes to you soon.

In the time since our girl died I have had such great comfort from knowing we were totally there for her at the end, and she knew it. The hours spent just sitting with her, helping to make her comfortable in the ways that only we knew how to. We were lucky that she didn't seem to be in pain or real discomfort - just exhaustion. I very much hope that Peeky Puss's discomfort settles soon, for both of you. I can imagine little worse.


It is extremely painful to let go, but I feel sure that your Peeky Puss feels your presence and love and is comforted. To be so loved in illness and at the end - that is the way. Stay close to your darling if you can. We are here for you.

Love,
Jones

LL,
Everyone has said it so well that I don't have much to add, but do want you to know that I really feel for what you're going through and you're in my prayers.

AG

Dear LL

Thoughts and prayers for you. I hope you are finding the strength to get through this and look after your dear cat,

starfish

Loving thoughts for you and dear Peeky Puss. I have no doubt that he knows how much you love him, and I'm sure he's comforted by that.

hugs from agent

LAMPLIGHTER..just thought i would "check in" again and hope you will be able to come back whenever you want to, or need to if you want to just vent or just to have some support. I am thinking of you and i miss you around here. Take care.

(((LL)))

Hug x x x

I'm really missing you, too, LL... hope you can come and say hello soon...no pressure, though, I know it gets hard sometimes. ((((LL))))

BB

Dear LL,

You and Peeky Puss are in my thoughts.

Just be with kitty now and let her feel your love.

((((((((LL&PP))))))))

Thanks again guys for all your wonderful support

Peeky Puss is still hanging in there, still really ill but not in as much distress and pain as last week. It’s just a day by day thing at the moment, which is rather taking its toll of me (and of poor Peekers as well ). I spend every day watching him, terrified he’s going to suddenly crash, and it’s pretty clear that he’s in a steady decline - but I’m also grateful that I’ve been given this extra time with him. I am sure all your prayers and good wishes helped him come out of the awful state he’s been in, so thank you all very much.

I’ve actually managed two therapy sessions this week in between all the vigils - topic of therapy my Peekers, naturally. Hoping to start posting again soon. I see lots of posts since I was last here, and wow there really must be something in the air this time of year, so many people crashing in therapy right now. Hope I can be of some support back.

Thanks again and again it’s been such a comfort feeling the care and kindness from you all.


LL xx

((((((((((LL and Peekers)))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty's illness. We've had some pretty special kitties ourselves. Our Kermit passed away last year and the house just isn't the same without his furry little gray and white face. I swear he thought he was part dog. He was such a goofball.

I'm glad for you too, that you've got this extra time with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and big hugs...

SG

Lampers and Peekers

So glad you are both hanging in there and looking after each other. Peekers, I am glad you are not in so much pain or distress just now.

LL I am also glad you managed to see new-T amidst your concern and pain for your cat. I hope he might have realised the impact that this has had on you and offered support as well. Well you're still going to see him, so this bodes well!!!

Post here onlyas you feel able, we miss you but I think we all understand how hard this is for you,

starfish

LL...so good to hear from you, and to know poor Peekers is slightly better, and still hanging in there. It must be so hard to see the little guy hurting so much...I'm glad you are with him, and helping. Also gald you were able to take some time for YOU and go to therapy! Good for you, LL...

Looking forward to an update whenever you have the time or inclination, LL..

much love,

Beebs

Peeky Puss died yesterday afternoon.

He died at home and I'm grateful for that, and for the fact that I could be there with him, though it wasn't peaceful at least he went pretty quickly. I'm a bit of a mess right now, can't quite believe it - all the time he was ill I kept thinking oh he will hang in there, he's not really going to die. So much for magical thinking.

Just wanted to let everyone know, and to say thanks again for the amazing support.

LL xxx

Oh... Dear LL, I'm so sorry. What an awfully, awfully sad thing. I'm glad you could be with him too, your fine companion. I am absolutely sure he felt your love. I'm sending you a very, very gentle hug. Please be gentle now with yourself too - you have been a wonderful companion, there with him to the end, and you need special care right now.

Lots of love and sadness for you,

Jones

I'm so sorry LL, thinking of you (((((LL)))))

Hevxxxx

LL, there is nothing i can say to take away the pain of your loss. i am so sorry. jill