I didn't want to hijack Draggers' thread, so decided to start a separate one.
With all the recent revelations about my adoption and how, exactly, I came to my parents, li'l one has been experiencing some pretty intense emotions. Emotions neither of us understand. They are so intense, the number and intensity of panic attacks has been increasing.
Up until earlier this year, the adult Kid was extremely close to mom and pretty much took everything she said as gospel, including what she believed our beginnings were. As the blinders continue to come off, we are only just now beginning to separate and individuate...something that typically happens during one's teenage years.
Added to this "internal weather system" moving thru the adult Kid, is li'l one and her long ignored feelings of being. These excruciating feelings are so huge and beyond her comprehension she simply doesn't know what to do with them. As such, as I learned yesterday from T, decided many, many years ago to put them away in separate little compartments up in the back of a closet. The major panic attack we experienced during our session last week was apparently caused by the lid being blown off one of those compartments.
T asked big Kid yesterday how this explanation feels. I realized it's bang on. She then went on to say it was pretty damn smart and creative for li'l one to have done that so many years ago. It was the only thing she COULD do. How many compartments there are, we don't know yet. Nor do we know what each one represents and it's quite possible we may never know all the horrible details for each and every one. The adult me gets that. As much as I want to know everything about those first two and a half years of my life, I have to try and accept I may never know now. Certainly not from the woman whom I used to believe and cherish. She is no more and probably never was.
I don't know if what I've written makes any sense because there are a few major things intertwined and are going to take me quite some time to work thru, but I just wanted, more like, NEEDED to share with you here.
Thank you for reading.
The Kid
Original Post
Your description of the compartments really resonated with me because I have always called it God's tupperware. That I put the stuff I couldn't handle in a container, sealed it shut and put it on a shelf in my closet. Years later, when I was ready, I started pulling the containers off the shelf and opening them, to find that the emotions and the experience were still fresh. I've been using the metaphor for so long, I carry an internal picture of the closet. It was very powerful, because recently I have been going at my core shame and the picture that popped up was that this was not something I put on the shelf but carried in a suitcase everywhere I go. Talking to my T about this was about laying that suitcase on a table and daring to open it where someone else could see. 
just keep remembering you have so many who care and are here for you to help through it!! 
AH