Hi everyone -

I was raised in a household where I had absolutely no effect on what the adults in it did. Because of this, as an adult I had to learn that I actually could and did affect what was happening around me, and that in fact other people WANTED my input and I was no longer subject to the whims of others. I've managed to largely overcome this early childhood programming, but I have a lingering issue that I need some ideas about how to overcome.

Specifically, my father was a crazy driver. I was always scared driving with him, but I knew that nothing I said or did would have any effect on his driving. So, if I felt scared in the car, I learned to just suppress my fears and freeze up. Now when I drive in the car with my husband, and I see a possible danger (someone backing out in front of us, someone stopping quickly ahead of us, etc.) instead of saying something, I gasp, grab the seat handle, and freeze. This upsets him because he can see that I am panicking, but because I say nothing he has no idea why or what the danger could be. This causes him to panic too, thus putting us both in more danger than we were even in before!

Something similar happens when I sense that maybe something is bothering him or he is troubled by something - instead of saying, "Hey, you seem kinda down, is everything okay?", I freeze up, and just kind of nervously examine him to try to see if I'm right that there is something wrong or if I'm just imagining it. This drives him crazy because he can see me "inspecting" him without saying anything and it creeps him out. He keeps asking me to just say it outright, but something in me just freezes up and I can't do it.

I'm not sure how to approach this freezing problem. It only happens in very specific situations, so it's not a behavior I can work on changing every day. So there must be some exercise I can do to make it so that the next time the situation happens, I can choose to respond in a different, more healthy way. Does anyone have some ideas about what those might be?