I put a lot of energy into avoiding the feelings I have inside in that vulnerable place - they're feelings like when I was a child that the kid I recognize inside now is always crying about.

But the problem with doing this is that I can go around for weeks with my nervous system lit up inside like a Christmas tree. With all these feelings building up I can't relax or think or learn at my job. I'm like a deer in the head lights .....my mind is on high alert and I can't shut it off.

This morning I woke up the same way...wired. I tried to remember what helped when I was in trauma therapy. I've been so busy that all the stuff I learned before seems to be lost. But I remembered my therapist having me sit with a flannelette sheet I'd brought from home wrapped around me in a rocking chair and that the tears started flowing. It felt like a safe place with this sheet wrapped around me and my therapist close by. No one was holding me, I was doing it for myself and the kid inside of me and it felt right.

So, just now I rummaged around and found my yellow and blue flannelette sheet and sat in my rocker in the living room and it happened again.....tears came and I cried like that kid inside did when I was growing up. My fear was gone and it felt healing, like it was supposed to happen.

The amazing thing today is I did this for only 5 minutes and now my "Christmas tree lights" feeling in my body that I've had for weeks and weeks...is gone. My body feels more relaxed and I just feel better, not strung out. The tears I"m so afraid of aren't so terrible after all. I think I should (and wish I would) take time to do this everyday just like I have a shower or brush my teeth...

Karen