I think things are overwhelming me a little. Maybe I'm just weary. I know I am sitting with more and more feelings, and even feeling my own feelings in different ways.

In the mix of it, I trying to keep practicing "new" ways of coping, or at least living life better in the midst of the pain and hertache. There is a heck of a lot of trial and error but I'm learning to pace myself much better than I did before.

We all need breaks at times. I find it really helps me keep going. Yet, I really struggle with finding the balance between healthy distraction, numbing out and/or just plain running away and escaping. Does anyone else find it is hard to even tell the difference between the two?

My T talks about how distraction tends to stay more healthy when you also acknowledge and retain some self awareness of what you are distracting from - instead of just distraction. Often, I'm not sure how this looks. Too much of the time I just am so desperate for some relief from the pain, even if it's at the cost of numbing out and not feeling much of anything... however, I have a very strong pattern that when I numb out, I eventually am flooded. In fact, when I did a intensive therapy program recently, they talked about how with PTSD (and other emotion regulation problems) there is what they called the "numb-flood cycle." The idea was that if someone numbs out their pain and emotions, generally, they are going to eventually be flooded by them. At first, I didn't think this was true for me, but I'm really seeing that it is.

So learning how to distract and take a break from things, without escaping and numbing the pain seems to really be essential for me to avoid being so flooded and overwhelmed with pain that I fall apart. But it's so confusing to even figure out - let alone carry out.

Does this even make any sense to anyone?