hi trixie, and welcome!

i'm sorry for the difficulties you're going through in your life. regarding therapy, it's pretty normal to have those kinds of feelings. you had just processed some emotional stuff and i think it's natural to want some affirmation and comfort from another person. after disclosing the things you did, she basically turned her back on you when you needed some affirmation. that would hurt! i think it was probably a helpful thing to write about it and get it out on paper. what i would suggest is to either mail the letter to her so she has time to read it before your next session, or take your letter to therapy next week and have her read it there. this is the stuff that therapy "feeds" off. if you've read through this forum much, you'll see people talk about how the relationship you have with your therapist IS the therapy. you have an opportunity here to discuss this with your T and hopefully come to an understanding of why you are feeling the way you are. this is what they are trained to do. the craving of affection from a T is not uncommon at all, and you are not alone by any means! i encourage you to go to session next week. hopefully the two of you can come to some sort of understanding, and perhaps you'll feel some relief from your feelings and will be able to continue with therapy. whatever you decide to do, i hope to see you around here again. good luck!

Hi trixie,
I saw your message last night but wasn't sure what to say. Wanting to be friends is a hard thing...I want that with my T but it isn't permitted with therapy. I'm sorry for the things that are happening for you and your wife and I truly hope you and she can turn it back around...with you having PTSD it must be hell for both of you on so many fronts with an injury from work...it must be so hard and I'm sorry you're having to go thru so much. I agree with closed doors about her turning her back on you...she could have waited to scribble notes and not turned her back on you. I have a hard time with confrontation but I did do it with my T a few days ago but in the past I have written long notes and once T read it and another time she wanted me to which never happened that session and was pretty traumatic at that time. Anyways, I was just relating my junk to you. I do not think it is unusual to want affection afterwards when something has been so emotionally difficult and the distance feels like miles but it doesn't mean you have to quit therapy...although I think everyone here gets how you're feeling because probably all of us have felt that way in our sessions...it's normal to want to quit therapy when we feel so alone. Therapy is hard stuff. I do hope you can process this with your T as closed doors says and get some relief as you may decide against quitting...atleast I hope so if you and your T are an otherwise good fit. I feel from my own experience that it is good to let them know how you feel and if that is about how you felt about something they did or you needed you can find out more about her particular limits of touch or whatever but also so she becomes informed that maybe she could have handled it better in not turning her back on you. I hope you'll try it as I feel you will become more empowered. I am the queen of holding things back from my T and trying to process on my own but I end up feeling burdened with it for very long periods of time!

Good Luck and let us know how it turns out as we are all here to support and be supported!

Hopeful

quote:

Originally posted by trixie:
Thank You for your responses this is what i wrote her

Dear Dr
Thank you for the help in the darkest time in my life. I know this is lame but I feel i need to make this our last session. I can't separate your role as a therapist from what i need the most a trusted friend. In our last session my world was crashing and i felt an enormous longing for human contact from you. It was at the moment when i was leaving you turned your back to me and started scribbling something down on paper,I felt so alone i started to cry. I'm sure there is something in therapist book about not getting close to your patient's but i really needed hug a simple touch anything would have helped me. I know you are a caring person and it would be impossible to have 100s of friend with problems. For you tomorrow is just a new face with the same problems for me i think I took a chance with therapy and learned a few things but in the end I still feel damaged. I know black and white not helpful thinking but after today i feel i'm alone. I can't emotionally make another mistake and i'm not sure why I feel so strongly about you. As i told you before I feel my adult life has been lonely surrounded by people. Laurie was the only other person in my life who accepted me without expectations until you. As i told you I believe i have driven Laurie to hate me and I don't know how to fix that. And I don't know how to fix myself dealing with you other then to leave therapy.

Today i'm more alone then ever, i'm scared with a broke body and an empty soul along with i'm not sure feelings for you is to much for me to handle. I hope this makes sense to you my mind is numb

trixie, i think that's a beautiful letter and i hope that you can share it with your T face-to-face. i think this is really valuable stuff to share with her. i know it's scary, but i also know that it's important and vital to coming to know yourself and why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and maybe discover why you feel so strongly about your T. take a chance, that's all i can say. i wish you the best and again, i hope you hang around here. there's a lot of really good, insightful and compassionate people here.

Hi Trixie,
I really related to your story and longing for true friendship or at least human contact and acceptance from your T. PTSD is all about disconnection and fear. It is isolating. You mentioned B&W thinking - is it possible to stay with your T and have the human contact you want from her? I wasn't sure if she should have known you wanted a hug and was being cold/professional or she just didn't know. Anyway you sound pretty in touch with what you need, and wanting human contact is normal and healthy. You letter iis great. Im sending you lots of hugs.

Thank You it's nice to know people still care about others in the fast pace world we live in.

I went to my therapist today and feel a little better. She told me she doesn't touch and the reason it is not helpful to therapy. I trust her so I will just have to accept her answer. She did tell me she does think about me outside of therapy and i question her on how with all her patients. I found her answer comforting that she holds inside a different room for all of her patients. She told me she was sorry for turning her back to me and before leaving today our eyes meet and I felt a connection. Therapy is strange one day you are hurt and the next session you feel better. I still wish for a hug but as in real life i will accept her for who she is and in mind i will still consider her my friend.

hi trixie... I do understand your feelings. I had this discussion with my T. I'm female he is male. He will shake hands but will not allow hugs or other touch. He will sometimes pat my arm when I am leaving. But no hug.

I have come to terms with this. The important thing is to be able to discuss it and have her hear your feelings about this topic. Even if you don't get the hug, her listening and understanding will help a lot. There are times I feel so emotionally connected to my T that I can "feel" hugged even when I'm not. I think you felt this when you looked into your T's eyes. This is why eye contact is SO important.

Keep talking about this with your T. Will your T shake hands at the end of the session? Or is she against any and all touch?

Keep us posted.
TN

She believes touch is not helpful in therapy. I don't agree but what do I know. Therapy has helped me understand more about myself and how i relate to people. I just want to feel normal again and will trust her judgement. I like your comment how sometimes you feel hugged without touching. I did feel cared for when our eyes meet, and hope this helps me over this rough time i'm having.
Thanks TN

I have to say that I too struggled with the friendship thing with my T. It took all the courage I had to tell him that it would be the biggest obstacle in me leaving therapy. Bringing it out into the light certainly helped me address all the inside gymnastics that were going on. When I got to my session I remember fighting with him saying I didn't understand how we couldn't be friends? He told me it is for my own safety. I'm working on becoming a therapist and I told him "I'm not sure I even want to be a therapist if my clients have to walk through this?" I was quit aggressive with all of my pain. In the end I began to accept the "ethics" of it all and am now working with my T to transition out of therapy. He is allowing me the space to push him away yell, kick and scream (something I've been wanting to do for a very long time). All of this helps me to come back into a state of emotional balance. I'm grateful for my T and all the work we have been able to accomplish. I'm ready to fly and look forward to what is on the otherside of therapy.

http://www.myshrink.com/hugs-in-therapy.php
Above is the link to Dr Lacombe"s audiopod on hugs in therapy.
I think this is a complicated issuue since it involves two people and what level of touch feels safe to each. I do think. Hugs can be therapeutic and that a lack of touch can feel disconnecting for a client. I have had many therapy relationships. Of those, two felt intimate enough that I wanted to be physically held at times, or to give the T a hug. One of these therapists was a hugger, the other would not touchme ( though she hugged other clients, knew I wanted to be hugged, and would give me a strained hug if I asked for one.) In the therapy with the hugger I felt supported and safer - both in and out of therapy. It was easier to trust her and the touching was the most healing part of the therapy. The hugger was a trauma therapist. I think maybe because PTSD is so much in the body, touch can be important. I have not seen either of these therapists for quite awhile but I still long for what I didn't get from the one. As for the hugger, I am secure in my relationship with her and feel only graditude when I think about her.

To me it seems unnatural., cold, and rejecting to hold back responding to a client with a hug when appropriate. Why make this rule anyway? Is it meant to keep clients in their place? Just saying...

Couldn't take it anymore i tried. I quit today. Eight months and i have learned a little about myself. But in the end she couldn't help me. It feels as if i have lost something deeply personal. Just need to sleep.

((((TRIXIE)))

What happened?

(((trixie)))
i wonder if it feels like you lost something deeply personal because you did
you can talk with us here if you need to. there is sooo much good support here. in the meantime, be gentle with yourself. gentle hugs, (((trixie)))