Well, we saw T this afternoon and I'm so glad we did. She helped give us insight in ways we may not be able to get from others. By that I mean, she adopted her daughter and is fully aware of what it means to be an adoptive parent and how to accept the entire adoptee package. She said she and her husband were told to expect her daughter to be curious about where she came from and all the feelings surrounding being adopted. It's not wrong for her to have those feelings and they, as the non-biological parents, mustn't feel threatened by it. I can recall so many times when my mom said when I was curious, it meant they weren't being good enough parents, that they're not meeting all my needs in some way. I'm coming to understand now just how faulty that way of thinking is on so many levels.
When I sent T the same details I posted here about Saturday's call, her response was many of mom's questions were so loaded and unhealthy to ask in the first place. I never thought of it that way before. It was like dodging bullets. They were coming at me so quickly: "should we be calling a lawyer to get our wills changed and you don't want the responsibility of looking after us"; "will that responsibility cause you to start drinking again"; "what does your being adopted have to do with anything"; "why are we not enough"; "it shouldn't matter"; "no, nothing is written down in a file somewhere" and on and on and on. I said the fact they can't even remember which city they got me from tells me they don't respect me or my feelings. To throw those words about so freely and then not understand my reaction is beyond me. T was very angry on my and li'l one's behalf. That felt so validating. I can feel some anger simmering just below the surface but am too afraid to let it out. That's never been allowed...or else...
At the end of the session, she asked how things felt and I said I'm just really confused. My head is filled with so many things and li'l one is definitely not feeling safe. She said given how much our world has changed where my parents are concerned, it's no wonder. She asked where do I want to go from here. My response? I want to know who I am and where I came from. She said that's a separate journey in and of itself and one that I need to take at my own pace. I agree. I don't know where this is going to lead but I would like to continue to share it with everyone here. (Oh, and to those who don't have good intentions on this site - TAKE A HIKE!!! I do not wish to hear from you, 'k?!)
The Kid