Well, today was my last appt until August and it feels devastating and overwhelming. Li'l one's been triggered since the weekend at the thought of T's upcoming vacation. It wasn't until T asked if her pain is so bad that she'll most likely always be inconsolable that it dawned on me that's exactly how she feels! It's no wonder words or actions haven't worked. There simply aren't any.

The amount of pain she's been carrying all these years from losing both her biological parents when only a few months old, is way too much for someone that little to handle. And, so is the utter and absolute loneliness she endured while in the not-so-nice Catholic orphanage for two years afterwards. When I think of it in those terms, I think I now have a better understanding of why she can't be comforted. How do I feel now that I'm home? I want a drink sssooooo bad. Just to numb the pain and loneliness if only for a few minutes.

It feels like I've just been thru major heart surgery but they didn't bother to close me back up. Like, let's REALLY let her suffer. So, if everyone will let us, I'd like to post here this next while to help get us through...