Assuming there is good evidence and documentation for your complaint, I don't think it will get dismissed.

However, if it does, you do have a choice of how to respond to it. You can make it about yourself ("nobody ever believes me," "my point of view doesn't matter," or whatever normally goes through your head when you are invalidated), or you can take a more realistic view. The board is a bunch of total strangers who don't really know you. You also don't know them and you will have no way of knowing why they made the decision that they did. If the case gets dismissed, it says more about them than it says about you. And yes, if justice isn't done, it sucks, but it doesn't need to lead to you becoming more destabilized. You can find people who do know and care about you to support you through it.

Thanks for the levelheaded reply, BLT.

I get what you're saying, intellectually/logically. On a heart level, though, I'm really, really scared. I know I haven't shared any of the details yet, which makes it hard for me to explain... but a lot of what went on with her was gaslighting. I gave up my own reality for her very abusive reality (and by the time I knew it, it was far too late; I'm still dealing with it).

Because of the gaslighting, I'm afraid of what the board will think is real. It's still so hard for me to trust my own reality and I'm hoping the board can help validate it for me... probably unrealistic.

I also have fears, not knowing what the T and her attorney have told the investigator in her defense. My guess is she's going to need to try to paint me as someone very awful, someone worthy of mistreatment.

This is all also triggering childhood wounds.

If anyone's interested in an article that describes a lot of what happened and a lot of what can go wrong in analytic/dynamic therapy, this is an interesting read.

What really did me in was "the persecutory spiral."

The Persecutory Therapist

quote:

My guess is she's going to need to try to paint me as someone very awful, someone worthy of mistreatment.

If they tried this strategy, it was misguided. How "awful" the client may have been is no excuse in the least for unethical practice, and I don't think the licensing board would fall for anything like that. I hope they can validate your reality. What do other people say about it?

BLT, several mental health professionals have said it's unbelievable, definitely unethical and unprofessional. But they've also all warned me that you can never tell with the board and that I need to be prepared in case the worst case scenario happens.

It's hard to find support from friends because they all think I should just be relieved that I'm no longer seeing T. It's not that simple because the pain of the betrayal lingers but also because there's part of me that is still very attached to the T (or the T I thought I had) and continues to care about her.

Therapy can be so helpful or so devastating.

hi purple bloom,

nice to meet you!
that was a very interesting article and i'm sorry your experience so closely resembles it. i think you were really brave to go through with the complaint, and it must be really hard now because there's nothing more you can do except wait. but you did your part, now it is time for the board to do theirs. can you keep yourself pretty busy or distract yourself with something in the meantime while you're waiting?

good luck and keep us posted!

puppet

Hi Puppet. I really appreciate your support.

I'm trying to keep myself busy but find that I'm really withdrawing. I play in an orchestra on Tuesday evenings and hid in bed tonight instead. Not a good choice.

I'm realizing more and more that my obsession with the licensing board and all the anxiety that goes along with it is serving as an attempt to distract myself from the pain of the betrayal and loss and all the helplessness I feel. It's left me in a huge depression.

Maybe I need to broaden my question away from licensing board complaints to more about betrayals and losses of Ts, or maybe just betrayals in general...

Hi purple bloom - don't think we've met, tho it looks like you've been around for a while. I've not been thru the complaint process but I thought long and hard about it many years ago. I eventually decided not to pursue it because I felt too much shame and was afraid of being dismissed. I applaud your strength for going forward with it.

From what you describe - and reading the article you posted as well - I guess I agree that your focus seems to be on the complaint process but that your underlying pain of the T trauma is what will ultimately take time and lots of support and love to heal.

You wrote, "It's hard to find support from friends because they all think I should just be relieved that I'm no longer seeing T." That's why we all come here to talk about this stuff. Most of them don't "get it." It's hard for them to understand the conflicting emotions. The attachment along with the betrayal.

Gaslighting is a terrible experience. I think part that is so awful is that they are doing it to you. It's not just happening, not a side-effect. It is being done with intent. And because of the power differential, you constantly question reality, sanity.

Are you working with a T now? If you are, I hope you have found someone who believes and understands. I found a new, good T and it is making worlds of difference.

Many hugs,
RT

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, RT. I've been "around" reading, but too nervous to post until recently. I've read about your bad experience with your former T and am so glad you've found someone to help you forward. Good for you for being able to trust again. That's one thing I really lost through this whole process and I hope one day it will return.

The fallout also caused me to lose my job and therefore my insurance, so no new T yet. I don't know how I will ever trust again but perhaps some day...

I really appreciate all of your validation regarding the attachment, the betrayal, the gaslighting, the power thing.

Thank you, RT.