Thanks UV for your reply.

I am very lonely. My three kids are gone to college and beyond. As I said before I am divorced and now live alone since the kids have left. I have 2 great friends, but one of them moved across the country about a month ago. That was tough. My other good friend is a very busy person so her time is limited to spend outside of her other commitments.

I hide my mental illness from my family. They know I have been depressed in the past. But I have lead them to believe that I am past that. I am a very good actress I guess. My daughter (age 22) has a clue that I still struggle with the depression because she knows I see a psychiatrist regularly. I really have no one besides my P that I can talk to regarding my mood. I feel like you do that I do not want to burden my family and my few friends with my negative thoughts.

I am on a antidepressant and a mood stabilizer, still I vacillate between being ok and depressed. I am not sure the medicine does much of anything for me and I have toyed with the idea of just stopping all meds. Not recommended by my P.

Changing therapists is definitely not an option. I have had a trust issue for many years and have finally been able to feel like I can trust my P. I just cannot leave him.I do like your idea of going over some goals with him. I think I will discuss this on Thurs with him.

I will try to be brave and ask him if he can see me weekly for a while. Despite the financial burden I think i would feel better and maybe I can get past this need to constantly need to see him. Then cut back again to every other week. I am not afraid to ask him. He is very kind and compassionate. He has my best interest at heart

Thanks for your reply. It has given me some things to think about.

emogirl

Ok Today is Thurs. and my appt with my P is only 4 hours from now. I am nervous and in a quandry about what to say to him. He will want to know what is going on that I needed to call him and ask for an extra appt this week. I am really worried about what to say. I have seriously considered making something up so he will think the request for the extra appt is legitimate. I know I shouldn't do this. I want to be brave and just walk in there and tell him that I just couldn't stand not talking to him for another entire week.

I know that is what I need to do. It makes me verrrrrry anxious though. What is wrong with me that I am sooo attached to him??? I just don't have another person on the earth that I can talk to though. As I said before and uv wrote, I cannot burden my daughter, parents, sisters, friends with all of my negative thoughts. I have done so in the past and I can feel them backing away, so now I just pretend everything is fine when I am talking to them. It is exhausting really.

Just venting a little more before I have my appt. I hope I can be brave.

emogirl,

You can do it! I just went through the hardest appointment I have had in the whole ten years I have been seeing my P. I was so scared. I wrote everything down that way if I couldnt say it then I had something to fall back on. I was very honest with my feelings for him and the transference. I told myself as I was writing it that I could be really honest because I probably wouldnt have to show it to him that way I wouldnt be so scared. I also wrote it quickly and putting down anything I was thinking and feeling and then went and put it in an envelope and sealed it and did not even reread it. When I freaked out I handed him the letters. I know when I reread what I write I get more scared and try to change it to make it look better which is why I did not do it.

My P was very happy that I was so honest and I am sure yours will be to. If he has been working with you for this long than that means he really does care and wants to help. We have been seeing ours the same amount of time and I am just not beginning to truly understand that. I only see mine every 4 weeks which is so hard because I am so in love with him. I call, text and email him constantly and he is getting tired of it and almost stopped seeing me because of it. I am trying to work a deal with him where I call him one time halfway through the sessions to check in so that when I feel the urge to call I can tell myself that I dont have to make it four weeks, I only have to make it two weeks. If you cant afford to see him every week than maybe you can work a deal out with him like that. My P is going out of town in four weeks which I just found out about when they started to schedule my appointment and he started to push it back to five weeks. He kept saying "You can make it five weeks, set her up an appointment for five weeks." I almost let them do it and then I was like "no, I cant, let me come in sooner if it can be four weeks." I told him I bug the crap out of him as it is and if he pushed it to five weeks it would be worse. And because I was assertive and told him what I needed he set it up for three weeks, which I am very excited about.

I have been there where you make stuff up just to call or see him an extra time. Its really not worth it because trust me, at some point you are going to have to come out and be honest about it. I am not admitting to things I lied about 5 years ago just to see him or call him. It feels so good to be so honest and I am not trying to stay honest so that I dont have to do this in another five years.

If you could, I would recommend not making anything up. Write everything down and go in there prepared to talk and then if you cant do it just hand him the letter. Let him know that the transference is really bad right now and you feel like you need to see him more often. He has been with you this long and he does care and he probably already knows and just waiting for you to say. My P does that to me all the time. I will finally be honest about something I was scared to tell him or had lied to him about and think its going to be some big deal and he will hate me and his response is almost always "its okay, I knew about that I was just hoping at some point you would make yourself tell me."

You can do it! Let us know how it goes! Good luck...(((hugs)))

Oh, thank you so much pippi for responding so quickly today. I was hoping to hear from somebody. You are just the encouragement I need. I do have some things written down and am now going to sit here for an hour and try to be very honest and write some more.

I am "glad" to hear other people have done what I have done (made things up so I could see my P when I wanted to even though it wasn't necessary). It makes me feel like I am not so alone.

I don't know why I'm so scared to be honest with him. I have told him some scary, embarassing stuff in the past and he has been so caring, empathetic, accepting, reassuring, loving, understanding, etc,etc,etc. He has been all of those things that I wish I could from someone every day. Maybe that's why I am soooo in love with him.

Thanks again. You have really encouraged me and given me strength to do what I have to do today.

emogirl

Thats great! I know what you mean about not knowing why its so scary. I am the exact same way. When I have told him something important,scary or embarrassing he is always so kind, caring, empathetic, and man does he look good when he looks so caring. But each time it is just as hard. My old psychologist from highschool told me that it will take many times of having my P react that way before I really learn to trust him. He says its called Corrective Emotional Experience. We have had so many bad experiences that it takes several corrective emotional experiences before we can really learn to trust. It just takes time but each time we do it we get closer to our goal. Of course he also told me that since my appointment Monday that I am going to go through some very unpleasant and distressing feelings but going through them is the key to getting better.

I have been in love with my P for 10 years and am just not getting to where I can be this honest with him. I am so ready to overcome the fear. But I am sure it will take many times of writing it down and giving it to him before I can actually do it all by talking. But remember if you get scared sitting there just pull the letter out and hand it to him and then its all done. You might still be freaking out but at that point you have done everything you need to do just by handing him a paper. And he will do the rest. Thats what I had to do. I even took the paper out of my pocket and stared at it for several minutes before I could even give it to him. But once I did the fear got worse but he quickly made me feel better and now I am somewhat excited and scared to do it next time. But it will eventually get easier.

I had my appt with my P. He was wonderful in every way. I don't know why I continue to be scared and worried about how he will react to what I say. I told him I felt that way and he said that is something we would work on and should be a goal for me.

I did what I needed to do for the most part. I was honest and didn't make something up so that he thought I was deserving of an appt. I told him that when I call and ask for an extra appt I always feel like I need to be suicidal or something to be worthy of getting his attention. His response was that he was so glad that I wasn't suicidal and that he realizes that I am dependent on him. When I call and want an appt, if he has one I am always welcome to come and talk.

I wrote everything down and was able to talk to him using my notes. We made some big strides in my therapy today.

One thing that did come up is that he suggested I check out some on-line groups to rely on for support. I have never told him about my on-line activities. I told him today that I do belong to a couple of groups. He was very supportive of that.

Sorry I am posting again, but I accidentally posted my comments before I realized I pushed the wrong thing.

Anyway, I am so proud of myself and was quite happy on my way out of his office. It definitely was a productive appt.

Thanks to all of you who help and support me.

Im really glad it went well. And now you know that no matter what you can be honest and come see him when you need to without some big emergency. I used to make up emergencies all the time to contact my P because he says to only call or text during an emergency. But stopped believing that I had an emergency every single day

But I am really glad you were able to be honest and you really did do great and make big strides in your session. Hopefully it will keep going in that direction. I know how scary it can be to be honest but I keep telling myself that a P or T that stays with the same patient for 10 years is going to be able to deal with anything that I tell him cause he has been there through so much stuff already, and yours is probably the same way.

Great job!

Saw my P again today. Only had to go 1 week since my last appt. I had a schedule that I suggested to my P for weekly meetings x 1 month then cut back again to every other week. I have found a local depression support group (free!!!) that I am going to start going to every other week, on the opposite week that I have my appt with my P. He was very agreeable to this and we set up all of the appt times. Now I shouldn't have to call and ask for any extra appts. at least for a while.

We had a productive meeting today. I have been writing a lot between appts so am ready to get to work as soon as I get there. I would suggest it to anyone who has a problem with getting to your appt and all the things you wanted to discuss suddenly leave your brain for the entire hour. I know that has been a problem for me.

Overall a good day. It's about time. Hope it lasts.

Thanks all for "listening"

Jane

Thats great! I write stuff down every single appointment now. I am going to try to start talking more when I see my P in a week and a half. I am so happy I only had to go three weeks instead of four this time. I am going to try so hard to actually talk to him because I usually just bring stuff and let him read it, but I am still going to write everything down as a back up in case I cant do it.

This session will be difficult as I am dealing with very intense anger towards my P. I hate feeling this way cause I am so in love with him, but he and I had another fight and we were both pretty pissed off. I never express anger to anyone so this is going to be new to actually try to do this and to explain why I was so mad. I was coming up with all these plans on how to piss him off so much so he could be as mad as I was but my husband talked me out of it. I was going to delete his number from my phone and block it, not show up for the appointment to see him but show up afterwards when my old highschool psychologist is suppose to see me. That way he would see me visiting with my old psychologist right after skipping the appointment and I would be sitting there doing this in my P's waiting room. I had so many great ideas to just piss him off and make me feel better knowing he was that mad too, but my husband and highschool P talked me out of it so I am going to write a bunch of stuff down and try to go in there and talk about it. And if talking fails then I will give him what I wrote.

Hi Monte...

I can totally relate to your struggles. I have been in therapy with my T for almost 19 years. And before that...I had several other therapists for extended periods. I have never made it to a satisfactory termination...so this time I am determined.
I tried to switch to a different therapist...and different type of therapy about 18 months ago and could not make it work because I was not able to quit...or finish with my primary T. I could not get her to let me go...or say goodbye, and I could not "bolt" on such a long-term relationship. My foray into seeing another therapist created an incredible rift in the relationship with my primary T and we are still having trouble talking about it. Since then, we have changed the schedule to a more intense one and I am going a bit crazy and wondering if this is in my best interest. My life is totally consumed by analysis and the unavoidable transference's.
One of my goals is to reach a satisfactory and amicable termination for both of us. I have no idea how this will happen.
I have a lot of complex problems and I am not sure I am going to be able to resolve all of them with this T. I am also thinking that if I am unable to resolve them...then it is time for me to stop trying. I can't imagine seeing another T for any extended length of time. This is my last ditch effort. She gives me a lot of time and is incredibly patient, but I feel that she calls all the shots and is in control of the entire relationship. I feel a bit impotent in the situation. When I ask for what I need...what I usually get back is the exact opposite of what I think I need. This is what she does in an effort to deepen and intensify the transference, to make sure I really KNOW what I want.
Because I am aware of all of this, it seems less effective to me...and everything is much more difficult for me to sort, articulate and understand. When I think I'm really pissed at her...I truly KNOW that it has nothing to do with her, who she is, or what she is doing. This is when it gets really messy, I get totally confused and then go numb and find it difficult to speak. I see her daily so all of this becomes very intense with little time to fall back to a more comfortable position.

I'm sorry I don't have the answers you are seeking. I can only say that, I know that I hold all my answers...uncovering them is my challenge. My therapist is a tool *chuckling at the unintended derogatory* She is a key, of sorts...but I have to find the right doors....and I seem to be searching for the one marked EXIT. I doubt that I am ready to find it...but I want it pretty bad. I am not done, but find myself wishing I could deal with it on my own. In reality...I know that I cannot. I am very dissociative and try very hard to hide it from everyone. I have been successful at this...but have allowed my T to see it...and talk to it. She has relationships with more of me than I do. So...yes...it's a complicated issue for me.

What I fear the most is that this relationship may not have been a good fit from the very beginning and that she has chosen not to disclose this to me. She may have a good reason for doing this...but it is very difficult for me to feel comfortable with all these doubts.
I still think about quitting (seems like every week) but I have also made a commitment to see this through to the end. So...the struggle continues. Is it worth it? I hope so. hmmmm.....

Anyway...I feel your pain and doubt and truly hope you are able to find a good end to your therapy experience. Sometimes I have very bitter feelings about how my life might have been different if I had been able to deal with my mental health difficulties. It is what it is...I suppose. But I would like to "have a life" before my life is actually over. hmmmmm....

Good luck....
SD

quote:

But anyway, in recent times I've been wondering about the effects/value of long-term therapy - by long-term I guess I mean 8-9 years or beyond.

The thoughts going through my head - in regard to my own situation - are things like 'if you've been there so long, surely something's not working'... 'are you resisting change just so you can hold onto this relationship'...'have you received as much as this person can offer and is it time to move on?' OUCH!!

I have wondered about the length of time I have spent with my P. I can't imagine not seeing him ever again or at least for a long time. I think I have worked through many issues over the years and have come to terms with some of them. I still find I have things to cover with him. Not because we are stagnant. But sometimes I feel the need to get support for feelings that bubble up to the surface. He helps me deal with the "The here and now issues" I have, as he calls them. I still feel that I need his support in working through some things. And the trust I have built up with him is something so much beyond anything that I have with anyone else.
I do admit that I have thought about trying terminate, but the thought of that is too scary. Who could I talk to that I trust?? He has told me that he will be available to me as long as I need him and that is so comforting that I can't even really consider terminating. He tells me all the time that he thinks I have made major progress over the years, and I do agree with him on that. As far as having gotten everything I can from him---I don't think that's possible. It seems every time I see him I gain some pearl of wisdom from him.
So I guess he's stuck with me for a while yet. My biggest fear though is that he will at some point retire. That I cannot even let myself think about.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Hope this answered your question and gave you mmy take on the long term therapy thing.

emogirl