Hi all,

A couple of people have asked me how things are going with Manatee, so I thought I'd do a little update. Basically, things are going really well. I have a lot of trust in him as he reads me really well, and his reactions make me feel safe with his insight and intelligence. He doesn't judge or give feedback or even verbally interpret most of the time, and that is good with me because I don't have any trouble reading my own situations. Once in a while he'll step in with a subtle shift of viewpoint, and even more rarely will reinterpret something, but mostly he leaves that to me. And he just asks questions - that's pretty much it.

But I usually have a really strong sense of him attending very closely to the content and the mood, and his questions are always smart.

When we started he was quite confronting about certain things - pushing me to get my H back to couples work etc - now that that is settled we work at a gentler pace. I get really easily emotionally overwhelmed. I can tolerate a lot of strong emotion, but it does put me in a place where I can't really talk. Manatee's questions guide us along the shoreline, just where the waves end. I walk along with one foot in the water. If there's something I'm avoiding he will take us closer, but when I start to get upset we take a couple of steps further up the beach.

I had a hard time a few weeks ago - I steeled myself to bring him some of my creative work, and he didn't address it for a couple of weeks after that. When he did address it I felt like he totally didn't get it. I was really upset, hurt and angry.

We haven't discussed or resolved this rupture but it doesn't feel ruptured now, I'm not sure why. We have had a couple of very strong, connected sessions following it. I guess my sense of following-the-shoreline is helping me with this. I still feel hurt and disappointed about it - it kind of smashed my fantasy of sharing work with him - but I also trust that maybe we will get to this in a more connected and powerful way at the right time. Like we need to do more of the groundwork. It's almost like I had leaped off and plunged in to the waves on my own and he just didn't follow me.

It's kind of hard to share about this relationship because in some ways it seems so different to what other people have and need. I have so often encouraged people, especially when they are feeling disconnected or upset, to bring up the relationship stuff, to say it, to dive into the hard stuff.

I don't know why but it feels like that's not the right way here. Like if I trust his lead that's not the direction he's leading, and yet still we are making quite powerful progress. I don't know what will happen but it feels okay.