I can't say that I share your particular obsession BUT I do want to congratulate you for sharing it with your T. You shouldn't be embarrassed -- sounds like you've figured out a correlation between your unmet needs and your current desire that is not so unreasonable (I teach figure drawing and love the female form. It's awesome to be able to approach the female models so sensually without the need to cross any boundaries). Your journey has begun and I applaud you.

I, too, want to be taken care of completely and my X is my latest vain effort in that regard. My goals in therapy include the ability to love myself. I find myself embarrassed at times over my desperation for a white knight to sweep me up and save me from myself. I mean, I've got a witness now (my T) and it makes me worry that he's disgusted with me, or pities me. Thank goodness that our Ts are compassionate and want to move us past our desperation towards healthy self-love & self-reliance!

The fact that your T is wearing more reserved clothing is cool -- she heard you, and she's not going to exploit you. What a sweetie! Do you think that after disclosing, you two have had some good discussions about it?

QG- Thank you for your kind reply. I really appreciate your words and encouragement. It means a lot to me.

T and I haven't really talked about this specific issue since I brought it up originally, but it has allowed me to feel closer to her and more accepted by her. It was REALLY awkward at first when I told her... I had written a letter about it for her to read, but then she started talking about her breasts and I wanted to DIE!!! I mean, she wasn't like "oh, yeah, aren't they great?", but she said something along the lines of "it's not beyond me that I have large breasts and that they can have an impact at times." When she was talking about it I had to completely hide my face under a pillow and we haven't addressed this specifically since. I don't mind not talking about it with her, but I am just glad she knows.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough go of it these days. I hope that you are able to rest and get some focus soon. This year has been rough fo you, but I often find that when that adrenaline-based energy reserve runs out, I am reminded to take care of myself, which I am not that consistent with. I hope you can get in some quality "you" time that will replenish your drive and focus.

-*Embarrassed*

lol
I opted to send a letter when I decided to be honest with my T too -- how could I possibly look him in the eye and say, "I can't stop thinking about you." Plus, I knew I would get flustered and not be able to fully explain that my obsession centered around his role as a pseudo-parent, not a lover. I was in full-blown "save me" mode and the fact that I had elected this younger guy to be my hero was horribly, horribly embarrassing. The fact that he took it in stride but didn't give in has been the most amazing part. We talk about the issue a lot (so go ahead and hide under the cushions, but don't stop talking about it) and subsequently, I feel like I'm finally climbing over what has been, for many years, a giant hurdle in my life -- my endless need to be saved. I don't know about you, but I feel like I had been seeing with tunnel vision for so many years and now, I can see more of the horizon. I can also look into my past with more clarity -- I feel confused in a lot of ways (hence my funk), but more hopeful.

Thanks for your encouragement. These forums are my "me time" because every time I feel really low, I find inspiration in someone's story (like yours). I used to go to AA meetings daily in the city I lived in last, but here I haven't clicked with a home group -- this online forum is definitely a good substitute. The anonymity, love, and honesty that exists in support groups are all here!

Hi Embarrassed!

Sorry that I didn't respond earlier. I wasn't feeling well, and had to conserve my energy, so I wasn't on here as often as usual.

I don't have an obsession with them, but breasts are certainly great! I've had sexual relationships with both men and women, and female breasts are truly amazing. Sometimes, when I have a friend or acquaintance who has particularly nice ones, I feel like such a perv about them, thinking about them, imagining them, etc. I think it's just normal, though. I've talked to my T about being attracted to males and females, and she said, "Well, it's normal to have sexual feelings toward people. You are human." So, I guess I'm saying all of this to say that at least part of what you're feeling is what a lot of people feel, that it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

As for being actually obsessed with a part of your T: I'm certainly obsessed with my T. I think that a lot of people on this forum would agree that they are, too. It's sort of part of the transference/attachment thing that so many of us feel. I'm not obsessed with my T's hair, but I really like it. She has very long, thick, black, wavy hair. It's so beautiful. She looks almost like a goddess. Her skin is porcelain, her eyes are alive, and then, there's that hair. Sometimes I get a whif of it in our session, and it makes my stomach lurch. A couple of times, when she was bending over me and rubbing my back (she rubs my back as I lay on the ground covered up. . . long story) it draped across my face (which was hidden under my jacket, but I could feel it there), and again, my stomach lurched. When I give her a hug as I'm leaving, I usually feel her hair, because my arms are around her. I really like her hair. When I'm at home, I don't think about her hair. It's just when it happens to somehow come in contact with me that it's really brought to my attention. But, she has great hair. If one of her clients were to tell her that they're obsessed with her hair, I don't see how that would be much different than someone being obsessed with her breasts (esp. in the case of your therapist, as she seems to have very nice breasts). She'd probably handle it in a similar way that your T handled the breast thing. BTW, it sounds like your T handled it well. So, to me, it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal to be attracted to your T's breasts.

The thing about the maternalization of breasts: I think it's natural to relate breasts to maternalness. How can it not be? Breasts nurture, feed, soothe, and fill babies. Some of us didn't get this. I can see how someone who didn't get this need filled might become obsessed with breasts and have an old need to have this need filled.

Anyway, your whole thing about breasts seems to be within the realm of normal to me. You're brave to share it with us.

catgirl

Hi

I had to laugh when you said you buried your head under a pillow when your T was talking about the impact of her breasts. lol I know how you feel trust me on that one. I have brought up things I'd rather not with my Ts before.

Want to know something weird? I am not straight but I am attracted to guy's butts. The rounder the better. lol. It just goes to show you that we are all wired differently and none of it is cut and dry.

Welcome holly!

I haven't connected with you yet.

Just welcoming you is all.

Jo

Hi Jo

Thanx!

Holly

Same here jo. I'm not straight but there is a body part of men that I like looking at.

It sounds like the writer of this posting is experiencing an erotic transference rather than maternal.

My materal transference with my therapist involves abandonment.... Erotic transferce theory came from freud. If you read some of his papers he describes basically what the writer is saying. (I would suggest Googling it) Winicott and Klein are maternal transference...... (Google those 2)

There is no spell check here so............


Wisdom

I am gay and trust me, breasts are wonderful and all women are beautiful.....

HEHEHE

Tina,

Hear, hear!

cargirl