ugh sory.

I am sorry that you are feeling so scared DGUOM. You did the right thing telling your T but I am sorry that it has caused you so much fear in doing so. She sounds like she is on the ball and by getting her supervisor involved is showing that she is trying to do the best for you rather than meaning that she is rushing off to tell child services. I also think the fact that she wants you to be involved in the meeting is a fairly good sign that she won't do anything without your say so.

quote:

My T said she really wants to help me...she said "I want to help you...I believe in you".

I really don't think you are too much for her, I think this statment shows how much she wants to help you through this and wants to work how how best to do this. I know how scary it can be to unburden yourself to someone for the first time, can you make use of the contact that she has offered you for some reassurance?

I hope that you can get the help you need DGUOM, it sounds like you have been through many awful things. ((((((((DGUOM))))))))

Butterfly

Hi DGUOM
Ugh I know how bad flashbacks can be as I have them very frequently so know that they can be incredibly scary things to experience It sounds like what T was doing in talking to you while it was happening, was that she realised you were in one, and wanted to help. My T will talk while I am in one too, to provide reassurance, a calm voice, even though she knows sometimes I can't hear her for a while when its happening and then she will talk to me and check in with me with a few words once it is over. It sounds like your T wants to help you badly and wants to work with you on how to do this best for you. Flashbacks are scary and destablising things to deal with sometimes, and it sounds like your t wants to reach out to you
Take care JMBx

Your responses..helped me get through the night...
I was so scared about this...
thank u for ur reassurance.
ty so much

DGUOM

I have to run out to the airport and didn't have time to read your entire post but I'm so sorry that you are feeling really scared right now. I just wanted to send you big hugs and wishes that everything will work out.





Liese

DGOUM... flashbacks are scary but they are not dangerous. They can't hurt you because what you see has already happened and you have survived it. It's over. I'm sorry you are feeling so scared and having panic attacks. I've had them too and they are awful. If you can, I think you should accept the opportunity to see your T more often and to have email contact with her to keep you stable and less prone to panic and anxiety.

If your T is working under supervision then it means that she does not have a lot of experience in being a therapist and may not have the experience to deal with flashbacks and panic. So she is doing the right thing and checking in with her Supervisor. She must keep your best interests in mind and so she is getting some training from her Supervisor to better help you. It does not mean at all that you are too screwed up for your T or for therapy. It does not necessarily mean they will take you away from your home. It just means that she needs to find out how to help you.

I think it's a very good sign that she is including you in the meeting with her Supervisor. DGUOM you are not a freak or a nutjob... what you are experiencing are typical symptoms of having PTSD. I think your T recognized this but perhaps does not know how to ground someone who is in a flashback. I realize that you do not have a good family situation so I need to ask if there is ANYONE in your extended family...grandmother, aunts, cousins, that you could turn to for some help? I think it would be a good idea for your mom to also get therapy and then perhaps she will be better able to control her own temper and learn how to be a better parent to you and your sister. Your T and Supervisor may ask you if you would consent to them having her in for a session. I think it would be a good idea but they absolutely would have to get your permission first, so don't worry.

Please let us know how you are coping.

TN

scares me a lot to think the person im seeing cant help me...
says fromwhut i read about her she has a lot of experience andd been in the field for a long time.....and is the assistant director ofthe program..
to think she cant help me scares me so friggin much...makes me think ima real nutcase. Shes a college T, idk she mentioned once to me in a past session if Ide be willing tosee a doctor for meds.

I hate medicationg
I feel alone ...I feel scared and like I dont know where to turn..im so screwed up the assistant director needs to speak with supervisor...i mean maybe its cuz shes a college T..I think college T's needmore ppl to be accountable for.
i dont know. I think she thinks i need meds thts y shes doing alll this idk,..

im scared the meeting is gonna be about locking me up or sending me somewhere else...and i dnt have money and if my mom finds out im going regularly to therapy..shell make me stop..

no i dont have anymore family...and when I told them the things that were being done to me nobody believes me...

its four o clock in the morning...i just feel pain everywhere...
I feel like I have to censor my feelings in T orelse maybe il get locked up...I have to try to be numb.
The reason i had the flashbak was cuz i was trying to remember and trust her with something and it backfired on me..

i feel helpless.

Hi DGUOM,

You don't know me but I used to post here pretty regularly and I read pretty regularly still. I have followed your story and my heart's gone out to you. You are living under extremely difficult circumstances and I'm incredibly impressed at the care, thought and maturity you are putting into each step you take. Finding yourself a therapist, reading and posting here, thinking through the implications of each thing you do - these are all excellent self-care choices. I know you are tying so hard to look after your sister through all this too. I have an idea of how much energy it is taking you to figure out the right thing to do at each step, and I'm sorry it's like that for you. For what it's worth, I feel a lot of admiration that you are making such healthy choices in these difficult circumstances. That shows you are going to go a long way once you can get out of this terrible situation.

I want to just agree with TN that it's an excellent sign that your therapist is having a meeting with her supervisor and including you - it shows she really takes your care seriously and wants to find the best possible ways to help.

I have a different perspective about supervision, though. My therapist has ten years of experience and he still gets regular supervision. For a lot of therapists and in a lot of countries regular supervision is something they take part in over their whole career, as part of professional development, self-care and as you say, accountability. Most professions have a supervisory structure built in, so it's just like that - a way of making sure the wheels turn without anything gumming up the works.

So I wouldn't be at all alarmed that she is getting supervision on this. It quite likely doesn't say anything about her skills or experience. And it definitely doesn't say anything about you being screwed up.

I will say this, though, that I think it's really important you understand: your home life is really, really difficult. It's worse than anyone should have to bear. If you put a really sane, stable, healthy person in the situation you are living in, they would very soon start to show some signs of extreme stress and trauma. And those signs would be exactly what you are experiencing: flashbacks, anxiety, panic and a few other things you might have felt as well, like self-blame, despair and so on. These are signs of a sane nervous system reacting to an unsafe environment.

So: I want you to remember this when you start to think that you're crazy or screwed up: your symptoms are symptoms of stress, and they are the symptoms of a SANE person in an UNSAFE environment.

Now, here's the hard part, and this is the part I think your therapist is looking for help with. How can you help someone who is sane but way over-stressed in an unsafe environment? What if that person is trying to keep their family intact? What if there's also the safety and care of another sibling to think about? Can the environment be made safe? If so, how? If not, what are the options? How can the person involved be helped to stay in control of her situation and make her own choices?

The answers to these questions are not simple. No matter how good a therapist is, those sorts of questions are going to take time, careful thought and consultation. But that's a good thing, because YOU are involved at the heart of the process and you are working with a therapist who seems to think as carefully as you do.

Stay strong, Don't Give Up On Me. And don't give up on you.

Jones

((((((DGOUM))))))

I've had simillar experience in a therapy session. I felt so bad afterwards... I convinced myself that I was losing my mind, and it took some time for me to learn that I actually wasn't crazy and that my T really could help me. It took time for me to learn that I was having a normal reaction to really awful stuff going on.

My T said simillar things when it happened. She said, "tell me how to reach you." and "I don't know how to help right now." "Jane, please come back to me..."

My T has been doing therapy for 30 years, has several degrees, and knows me well, and still wasn't sure what to do. I was in the middle of really unsafe stuff, I was risking to try to trust her to tell her things, and I got flooded, started dissociating, and having flashbacks. It felt really awful and scary to experience that. It was also scary to see my T not know quite what to do in the moment. I had the thought that if she didn't know what to do... then what am I supposed to do... It just made me even more scared I was losing my mind...

She talked to her supervisor and she and I talked about it a lot too. We worked on it slowly over time and things really changed. We were able to figure out things that really helped me. My T said she even learned new stuff to see if might help other clients, and she's been working in trauma therapy for decades.

You are by no means too messed up for therapy. Therapy is a process that involves a lot of figuring things out as it goes.

The first time my T said she talked to her supervisor about something about therapy with me, I suddenly felt so bad, like I really messed up or something... my face turned bright red. My T noticed and she explained that sometimes it can make clients uncomfortable when they know she talks to her supervisor about clients. She quickly explained that it wasn't because I was messed up or anything like that. My T explained that Ts talk to supervising Ts about their clients because it helps them get different ideas of things to try and it also helps them be more objective and to be the best Ts they can be. It's not at all a sign of you being too messed up at all. It's a good sign of your T being a good T and you doing a good job of reaching out for help in the middle of really rough stuff you are dealing with.

It's also really good that she was asking you what would help you, and didn't just barge in with things that she thought would help. Oh, my old T would do that and I would end up worse off every time...

I really think your T can help you. Talking to her supervisor shows she does have good skills and that would be very normal for an assistant director of a counseling group to do.

A T suggesting meds doesn't mean you are too messed up for therapy either. When I have been in the middle of really unsafe scary stuff, I have considered and taken meds. I have also not taken meds at other times. The T suggesting you need meds doesn't mean you or I are nutcases. She's just thinking through things that may or may not help. Trauma takes a toll on our bodies... Just this past month my T has suggested going on meds short term because I have some really stressful housing stuff going on. It's not even that bog of a deal, but she said it might be helpful. It might not be. It isn't about me being a nutcase. It is about me and her thinking what would help my worn out nervous system.

There is NOTHING you have described that makes me think your T thinks you should be "locked up." Having flashbacks in therapy is really really common. It was really good that you risked to share with her and were seeking to trust her. You and your T are probably going to meet to begin to talk through ways for you to keep sharing with her and keep being safe and have it be less scary and overwhelming.

It sounds like your family really ignored what you were saying and feeling, and invalidated not only what you were feeling but ignored the reality that was going on. You are not messed up or in trouble or anything like that for telling your T about the pain and hurt and what happened.

As much as you can, try to hang on to your T saying, "I want to help you...I believe in you." I think she really does and really can and will help.

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through and all the pain you are in.

~ jane

(DON"TGIVEUPONME)

Just checking in on you. How are you doing? Have you seen your T?



Liese

Wow...
these responses made me feel so much reassurance...So good..I

I dont feel so scared of my T anymore. I feel like maybe this is for the better.
Im scared of meds for a certain experience with my mother..with them..
but your responses made me so hopeful that my T will and can help me...and this horrible stuff is not all happening because im evil or bad or I dont know what else...

thank u everybody...
Thank u so much for making me feel better.
Its freeing to be able to hear understanding from other people's "voices".

(((((DGUOM)))))

So glad you are feeling better. It can be such a scary process, especially when you have to go through it alone. Let us know how it goes this week.



Liese