Very interesting question, H. I'd think some of the objection to meeting in the kinds of places you describe might be confidentiality. But, I can imagine that maybe in a secluded area of a park or something, it might be possible to maintain secrecy while being a bit more 'out in the open'. If the client is OK with it, then why not?

In my own case... my T's office actually has a number of triggers, and in some ways I hated it right off the bat. But, in these months I have learned to make it the norm, to the point where meeting any where else seems unthinkable. Somehow, my control neurosis has enabled me to 'latch on' to this locale, even if it's not ideal, and not want to change anything about it.... I do often wonder though how the therapy would be if arrangements were radically different... or if I allowed arrangements to be radically different... Knowing my T, I'd have to be the one to suggest it, I think.

Hi Again Held,

I think it sometimes has to do with what they call the "frame" of the therapeutic relationship. The time, the place, etc. that it should all be consistent and the same. Having a session outside the office COULD have the potential to blur the boundaries perhaps.

T and I do this. We have sessions at the local park and sit on a bench under a shady tree and look at nature and beautiful flowers. We are both in different frames of mind when we do it. I was having trouble talking in her office and we tried something different.

I have booked some longer sessions in the next few months and I said to T ' but what if I can't talk on those days and it is a waste' She replied ' well we can go down and have a coffee at a cafe together'.

Not sure whether we will ever do that - but the suggestion is there and she is prepared to do it.

With the park - the first time we went T and I had just had a rupture and it was the most perfect place to repair - we both were on a different level and being inside her rooms would not have allowed us to repair as well as we did. Another time - it didn't work as well as I was distracted and not in the right head space.

But I love the variety.

Funny you should ask this. My T and I have already made plans to go outside on Monday if the weather is nice, so we can play some games about boundaries. I'm sure she'd be open to going outside just for a change of scenery too. Her office park has a lot of nice trees, ponds, and benches outside and it's very quiet. She said that she has become more flexible about things since training in Somatic Experiencing, which is more of a body-based therapy. I've heard of other people on this board walking to the park with their T's as well and they enjoyed it. But not every T is going to be open to that.

HIC,
I came at this from a completely different angle. My thought was "why would you want to go somewhere else?" I love my Ts office and in many ways, it's the safest place in the world to me. As I was reading everyone's replies, I realize that yes, I would love to see my T in other places (on his sailboat would be a biggie) but that's because I want to be able to have a relationship with him beyond therapy. Which will not, and I believe in my case, it's a good thing that it will not, happen.

As much as possible there should be a consistent frame for the sessions. Our Ts boundaries and consistency create a secure space in which we are free to move about any way we wish and to express in words all of our feelings. For me, it is the experience of perfect freedom within those boundaries.

And I also agree that setting the sessions in the same place, a place where only therapy takes place, keeps it clear that this is what the relationship is. I think that for me meeting with my T in a more casual place, would only feed the fantasy that maybe I could have some other kind of relationship with him.

All that said, I do know people who do sessions in other places, go walking or even do "field trips" to address phobias. I think place is like so many other things in therapy, something that a dyad must work out for their situation.

AG

AG,

I'm with you on that sailboat fantasy. He's just become my dream T too.LOL!

Ive seen all three of my Ts in real life ie bumped into one at the movies etc.. I have to say I enjoy seeing them in a different context. I find the therapeutic space too sterile for my liking.

I'm with AG on this. I think Ts office is the only safe place for me to have a really good session. It's like my own little serenity and it's really good stability for me too. With my previous T, it was at a mental health clinic and we switched rooms quite a bit. Sometimes we were in one room then we would switch to another and then go back again. I hated it. Ts office is really the only place I could ever feel safe or comfortable. But everyone's different and I guess it's easier for some people to have a good therapy session at a park.

I have to agree with AG as well. my T said it stops being about therapy if we go and have a coffee together. If we went out together I think I would find myself wanting more from her

Lucina

I only had sessions inside my Ts office. I think I would freak out if he suggested doing it elsewhere and I don't think I would like it, even though I do have fantasies about it.

I would never consider therapy with my T in any place but her office.

I keep remembering last Monday....I was so relaxed and calm, comfortable and content in her office, on her couch. I just wanted to be. And it was okay. And, I know she liked seeing me like that, as she asked me, commented, and said she thought I must feel safe. It has taken 20 months to get there, and meds on top of that. That almost makes me tear up....to be cared for, loved, by someone, in that space....it has been 6 days since I have seen her (usually go 2x a week) and I miss her, and suspect I won't feel so comfortable tomorrow.

I can see why it might feel safer to only have sessions in one place, but believe me, from one who has a rather nomadic T and has had sessions in various offices, you get used to it and realise that the most important thing isn't the room, it's the person who is giving you therapy. It's made me far more flexible in my approach and less likely to be bothered if something changes in the environment. Saying that, my T always ensures our privacy and comfort and will strive to make sure I am as settled as possible. When you have the choice of T in various rooms or no T, then you quickly learn to adapt, although I did find it a bit unsettling at first!

Like Echoes, I've had sessions outside ... sessions walking with T have not broken any boundaries, but actually took the intensity of sitting in a room away and somehow gave me more freedom to be me and talk more freely. I don't think there is any hard and fast rule, different things work for different people and different issues I guess.

Good topic,

starfishy

quote:

sessions walking with T have not broken any boundaries, but actually took the intensity of sitting in a room away and somehow gave me more freedom to be me and talk more freely.

I have not walked outside with my T yet, as there is a park nearby. He has suggested it and I think when I (eventually) get to the point of being able to talk about my father, we are going to HAVE to be outside as in the various rooms we meet in feel too tight and small for that. and I like the way I can talk easily when I am side by side and moving with someone, like in a car or walking. I can really say things that sitting face to face, I can't do, it gets too hard.
I want to feed the ducks in the park with him. I might offer that today. He might see me later for ten minutes and I could ask if he would feed the ducks with me. that will surprize him.

Wow, so many great responses! It was so much fun to come back to this thread and read them all. Would love to reply to each one individually, but I don't quite have time this morning, lol.

It was fascinating to read about how everyone's Ts handle this differently and the rational behind their policies. Seeing how, and why, the same thing that might be good for one client in this area could have a negative effect for another was also interesting. The meanings we assign to things can be so varied (apparently for some, a stable, consistent setting feels safe and for others it can be confining and scary at times) that it makes me think it's great when a T can work flexibly and creatively in this area, curtailing their approach to the specific client. I was pleasantly surprised to learn how many of your Ts do just that.

BLT and SD, I have to say your Ts sound especially lovely and reading your posts here gave me warm fuzzies.

As far as my experience goes, so far T and I have never left her office and I have no idea how she'd feel about that. I'm inclined to think she might be agreeable to such a thing because her boundaries are relaxed in general (she engages rather liberally in self disclosure, has a very open phone and email contact policy, will extend session times if a client is in distress, etc.) but you just never know until you ask. I think I might ask about this, when I go back to therapy, because being in T's office has been difficult at sporadic times in the past, and lately I've developed a decided aversion to it. I think if we could meet outside it might help ease me back into things. We'll see. If I do work up the nerve to ask, I'll update this thread and let you all know how it goes.

I look forward to hearing how it goes.
I did not dare ask him to feed the ducks with me today - I got sidetracked onto showing him a movie I made of my burn grafts and scars.

on Friday I will ask if one day we can feed the ducks.

I have not met outside T's office and I don't think that is ever an option for my T.

Personally, I think it would help me a bit. If meeting outside the office (and then I don't mean for socializing but in fact doing that therapy work) might have its benefits for me.

I feel safer if I am not in a small, closed room but somewhere where I can more easily 'escape'. Also, maybe walking side by side (as opposed of sitting in front of each other and not being able to 'move') would probably make it easier for me to talk. All in all it would be safer for me.

Privacy however, would definitely be a concern. Where I live it is very unlikely to be somewhere outside without other people around.

it's neat to read what everyone had to say and i do agree about the privacy stuff that is why i'd not want to go out to a coffee shop or food (especially because of my ED i am actually very fearful to eat in front of my Ts - drinking is hard enough) but i've been on walks with both of my ts and they were profoundly connecting experiences. i think as i get in to deeper work with my ts i may need to do this kind of stuff more often but i do like doing different things in their office - sitting in a different way or doing something different to process. i'm starting to do that... it's hard because the connection it builds is scary. at least in the office couch/chair scenario they don't feel as close, it's more clinical... i'm safer, the boundaries are bigger, etc. my somatic T has two different T rooms so it is nice to go in each different one i like that because it changes our proximity sometimes. i find the closer in proximity my ts are to me the easier i can talk about more intimate/emotional topics and the further their distance... it is harder.

I had never really considered doing this until recently.

Boundaries with my T aren't something we sat down and laid out as "these are the rules about being here"...they've just kindof come out as has been necessary.

The first time we had a hard session, she told me I could call/email between sessions.

The first holiday that passed since I had started going, she gave me a hug. And the first time I felt like I really needed one, I felt like I could ask for one because of that (this has only happened once, I'm afraid of abusing that).

And, last week - the first time life happened to interfere with our usual meeting time, she suggested that it might be okay if we met outside of her office.

It seemed like a strange, though incredibly gracious, concept when she said it, and it was immediately followed by a statement about it possibly being challenging to get through what we are currently working on in a Timmie's with other people around...

But, the offer was there... I've never considered taking a walk, or asking to do so...But, given some less than productive habits I have with people I see as 'above' me when doing things like that....I'd wager it would be both eye opening and productive...

I guess we shall see where that goes. I've never really considered the boundaries of her office being the 'safe' place...For me, I guess it has more to do with her and the atmosphere of comfort and understanding that she projects/creates than the physical space we occupy during that.

It's funny...when I look at the boundaries that I would have thought were hard and set in stone (No contact outside of sessions, no physical contact/hugs, and only seeing her within the confines of her office)...she's been the one who has, when and where appropriate, brought that additional level to our interactions.

I guess I'll run, for now, with trusting her and that if it's something that might be helpful and beneficial, it will happen.