nice to meet you suzy, and welcome!

what i think... is it's better to speak your truth than not to. what you do is up to you but... my thoughts are we lose many relationships in life... people die, leave us, we leave them, we meet people and lose track of them, talk to someone we never see again, friends move, divorce, breakups, new jobs, neighbors, etc. it's very infrequent we are offered an opportunity to walk through the feelings of loss - to communicate to the other person, to feel and express what we need to (no matter what it is). I think it could be a valuable learning experience... and either way it hurts. i'd err on the side of going because you can always leave but i get the fear of not even wanting to go in the first place. one thing i've sort of made a deal w/ myself in therapy is that when i REALLY don't want to go... i go. or i call my t and see if she can help. i've only cancelled an appointment out of fear/anger once and even then still called my t on the day to 'keep the connection'. in my experience... it's been profoundly worth it but i think things ending makes it so much harder I'm really sorry you are losing your t.

Hello again Suzyq. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and NOT taking care of HER feelings by saying everything is fine with her abandoning you (which it sounds is exactly what she’s doing). Things are not fine and you have every right to feel how bad it all is making you feel .

Maybe the best way of working out what it is you need to say to her if you do see her again (and I’m with Cat here, I think you probably should go to see her) is sitting down and thinking about all the things you’ll end up afterwards wishing you’d told her. I expect you’ve got a lot of conflict between feeling hurt and angry and betrayed, and feeling warm and loving towards her. It’s probably important that you be able to express both sides of those feelings, no mean feat admittedly and I for one have no idea how you go about doing that .

Me I’d probably use a final session like that to express all the anger and betrayal and abandonment feelings because to have them accepted and validated is a rarity in the real world. Again like Cat says, we’re not often given the opportunity to walk through feelings of loss and parting with the other.

Perhaps you could use this forum to stream of consciousness write your way through all the things you want to say to her, as a kind of dry run that will help you pin down exactly what you do need to say? Whether in person or in writing...

Whatever you decide, we’re here to support you

LL